You thought a Joe the Plumber book was bad? Try bagged-lunch lady Ivanka Trump as this generation's Virginia Wolff, but you know, without all the depression and suicide and with way more money.
Or yeah, just like Sylvia Plath, if The Bell Jar had referred to the crystal wedding gifts bestowed upon her during her Jewish(?) marriage to one of the youngest newspaper titans in the world. And used words like "meritocracry."
CONTINUED »
Back in 2003, before Britney Spears went batshit crazy, she attended a MTV bash thrown by Carson Daly (remember him?) and, having been upset by something the New York Post's gossip column published about her, donned this "PageSixSixSix" outfit, which is how celebrities get retribution. And tabloid headlines. How fitting, then, that heiress-model Lydia Hearst, who herself got so upset with Page Six — though it was Page Six Magazine — payed homage to Ms. Spears at a Halloween party last night with this simple identical number.
Slooow news days, which means constant updates about whether or not Lydia Hearst actually denounced her dynasty on Sunday in her weekly Page Six Magazine column. Lydia backtracked in earnest, saying that she never wrote that column and that Page Six just…made it up?
Though we are surprised to believe Page Six is actually in the right on this one, it seems pretty unlikely that Lydia's been turning in these totally not ghost-written at all columns every week and then all of a sudden her editors decided to make one up. Because, after all, Lydia is so proud of her natural love of writing.
And now The Post, angry that their fledgling Sixer staff is getting a bad rap, is on the offense, and using their Page Six column to take swipes at Lydia's "journalistic" legacy:
CONTINUED »
"I just ordered banana-scented scratch-and-sniff wallpaper for my kitchen. I love the color scheme and candy-banana smell. Now my kitchen will be extra kitschy." —The publishing heiress and model on her new decor, fresh off of badmouthing her family name.
"Hearst Corporation, which my family owns, continues to host parties even as it folds magazines like CosmoGirl. At least Hearst recently cancelled the company Christmas bash. It's time to work through this crisis, not party through it." —Lydia Hearst on her family company's largesse [P6]
Lydia Hearst, of red carpets and Gossip Girl cameos, was rushed to New York-Presbyterian Hospital yesterday. Updating her Facebook status along the way, she reveals she's trying to pass a kidney stone. Ouch! What's worse, Monday night's Edridge event, Ms. Hearst is due to headline 1407 Broadway's party this evening. Safe to assume somebody canceled?
then, like, so are we! [Daily Intel]
The Breakfast At Tiffany's nod that kicked off last night's Gossip Girl will hopefully be the last of Jason Schwartz's ploys to ruin a good thing. Or will it? News arrives that Lydia Hearst, now that she's in acting school, is joining the cast for a bit part. First Michelle Trachtenberg, now Hearst. We give it 1.5 seasons before they're booking America's Next Top Model cast offs.
Considering that magazines are dying and cigarettes can kill, you’d think the two would be a perfect match. Turns out, with all the future smokers underage readers and restrictions, print is dead to Big Tobacco.
R.J. Reynolds Tobacco, maker of Camel and American Spirit, announced that it wouldn’t run any ads in consumer magazines in 2008. Philip Morris has not run a print ad in the past three years. Reynold’s decision is unofficially the result of a flap over a recent Camel insert in Rolling Stone’s November 15 issue.
So now that cigarettes won’t be advertised in magazines, maybe they’ll garner an indie appeal, making high school kids look extra cool smoking. After all, as Lydia Hearst reminded us, "this whole country was founded on [looking cool]."
Deep thoughts, by Jack Handey Lydia Hearst: “I don’t smoke, but people say that you get secondhand smoke…But this is a country that was founded mainly on the tobacco industry–tobacco and coffee. It’s so surprising that they are now essentially making cigarettes illegal, when that is where the whole country came from.” Congratulations, Big Tobacco! You just found yourselves a new lobbyist. [Mollygood]
Although we can’t always shake the nasty habit of writing in the royal we, occasionally one of our editors decides to shake off the cloak of anonymity to write a short, pithy statement long, rambling diatribe about a topic of their choice. Today, Debbie Newman is that editor.
Despite their big dreams, roster of celebrity weekly expatriates and highly unrealistic goals of chipping away at the Sunday Times' readership, Page Six Magazine hasn't made nearly as much of a splash with readers—or potential advertisers—as they would have liked.
And because a friend in need is a friend indeed, we've decided to take some time out of our busy schedule to offer them some helpful unsolicited advice. Read on, loyal Sixers, and we'll tell you everything we know about how not to blow a major magazine launch the first, second or even third time around.
Have you heard? Lydia Hearst has a new "secret" boyfriend! Here's what she had to say about him in this week's Page Six Magazine:
There has been a lot of speculation lately as to who I'm dating. Where do I begin? First off, I don't want to put his name in this column. You will read it elsewhere, I'm sure, even though I've never personally discussed it. But there's something about writing his name and putting labels on things that makes me uncomfortable.
But why is the normally unabashed Ms. Hearst (see picture, right) so reticent about naming the lucky fellow? Could it be because she's finally tired of trading prostituting herself for publicity and trading on her familial connections to further her own as yet to be determined "career?" [Ed: Clearly not.]
No, we're guessing there's a much simpler explanation for Lydia's uncharacteristic modesty. Like, perhaps, the fact that her Prince Charming is infamous for getting dumped by Mischa Barton and explaining "I just write dope songs and [bleep] hot bitches."
And for having the weirdest, lowest-hanging balls in the the history of male genitalia.
• Lydia Hearst-Shaw would much rather prance around in an itsy-bitsy gold bikini than do something totally unfun, like, say, running a newspaper.
• Katie Couric's lackluster ratings can all be explained by…the "triangle hand" thing.
• Bill Clinton accuses the NYT of hating Hillary. The Times insists they like Hill, but admit they find her "a bit frigid."
• The LAT hires prankster/producer Brian Grazer, raising two questions. #1: Why? And, #2: How long until Grazer slips a framed picture of himself onto their mantle?
• Meanwhile, former LAT publisher takes a job under Ron Burkle, promises not to make any "more like Ron URKEL" jokes.
CONTINUED »
• Britney Spears isn't a productive enough member of society to warrant a free handbag…sniffs half-naked philanthropist Lydia Hearst.
• President Bush isn't so good with remembering Valentine's Day. You know what else he's less than stellar at? Running our country.
• Bill Cosby's pooch loses out to an English springer spaniel for "Best in Show." Bitch.
• Kenny Chesney gets excited just thinking about Marisa Miller all the beautiful men Marisa Miller has undoubtedly slept with.
• Really? Paula Abdul has never, ever been drunk? Either way, she's not our #1 choice for Designated Driver.
• Two little socialites driving to Marquee, the car stopped short, got hit by a taxi. Lydia Hearst bumped her head … should've gone to Bed instead. [Page Six]
• If Craft-y chef Tom Collichio had $15 Million, he'd resurrect CBGB. Even though nobody wants him to. [WWD]
• Paris Hilton knows everyone thinks she's a whore, but, really, she's only slept with a few of her 100 boyfriends. And only made videos with one of them. [Page Six]
• See, it is possible to write for Glamour, even if you're not also featured as a model on the back cover. [FBNY]
• Cindy Adams prefers her 9/11 movies to come a little later and go a little faster. [Cindy Adams]
• Lydia Hearst skinny dipping with Damien Fahey? Talk about a summer fling with the boy from the other side of the tracks. [Page Six]
• Breaking news! Lindsay Lohan is not currently consuming alcohol. [R&M]
• Those who invest in "non-profitable, embarrassing" media projects do it for one reason and one reason only: to rub 16-year-old girls down with hot oil, give them vibrators, pay them $1000, and suffer no consequences for it. [Gawker]
• Are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes planning a wedding in their back yard? Sounds like! Or, maybe they're just welcoming the aliens who are coming to take back Suri. [Mollygood]
• Great description of Mel Gibson the night of his arrest: "The bleary-eyed star was spotted at celeb-studded Moonshadows restaurant with a babe on each arm and a beer bottle in his right hand late Thursday and into the wee hours Friday." Front page photo included. [NYP]
The order of events in fashion history, according to the New York Times, goes as such: supermodels replaced regular models, and then celebrities replaced supermodels. And now, they suggest, socialites will replace celebrities. Ok, we can agree that may happen In advertising, perhaps. But the day we see Lydia Hearst on the cover of Glamour just shoot us right then and there.
Among the latest high society elitist to join the ad campaigners of various fashion lines:
Tinsley Mortimer is promoting a Japanese handbag line, Samantha Thavasa; Lydia Hearst-Shaw has appeared in ads for Prada and Louis Vuitton; Amanda Hearst is the new face of Lilly Pulitzer; and Jessica Joffe, a former New York Observer writer who is writing a novel, will appear in fall ads for Banana Republic.
Ouch. Everyone else is doing Prada and LV and Jessica Joffe gets Banana? If only she had chosen to write for Hamptons magazine instead.
Don't I Know You From the Party Pages? [Eric Wilson, New York Times]
Editorial Director
