While Marty Singer, supposedly, doesn't say "Hold off on this and I'll give you another story" to the tabloids, the man behind the always-amusing celebrity cease-and-desist letters from Hollywood muscle firm Lavely & Singer does claim to be on good terms with them. Then again, he has to be: "A lot of people come to me and our firm to deal with the media," he tells The Hollywood Reporter, Esq. as part of its series on power lawyers.

You have a potential article that's about to be published in four hours or 24 hours or somewhere in between, and you typically want to prevent an article from being published. At that point, you have to be persuasive because you can't simply say the article is false and "We'll sue you," because they don't really care. You have to be able to convince publications why they shouldn't publish the article notwithstanding the law in the U.S. that relates to defamation, which is a difficult. [...]

When it comes to defamation, I believe we have the reputation that we will sue. If people know that you're dealing with a lawyer that has perhaps more defamation suits in the last five years than anyone in the entire country, it makes a difference. I think it's also being effective and writing a good letter so that someone might be scared when they get that letter. But you still have to know the facts and develop a relationship with the people you are working with to be successful.

So, from Celebrity Litigation 101: Scare tactics work best. Except when they don't.

• Looks like it's Home Alone for Britney Spears. Following in Shar Jackson's footsteps, the pop tart is bringing up baby while rapper wanna-be K-Fed is out partying on Brit's dime. [Page Six]

• Martha Stewart is unloading a turkey, and (unfortunately) it's not her Apprentice spin-off. The domestic diva is selling her Turkey Hill estate, because she "hardly ever goes there." [Page Six]

• Joining the ranks of the Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary and the Fish Stick Jesus on eBay: Vincent Gallo's sperm. For a mere $1 million bucks, and if you're a nice blonde Jewish girl, you can bear Gallo's spawn, according to the "sperm owner." Which almost explains how Katie Holmes got pregnant. [R&M]

• Celebrity porn peddler Marty Singer can play both sides of the fence, so long as there's a fat check on his end. Back in '03, you could find him batting for Rick Salomon in his attempts to sell One Night In Paris, fighting off the Hilton's legal team. But now he's fending for Colin Farrell, battling Playboy Playmate Nicole Narrain over the duo's X-rated footage. [Page Six]

• Cheryl Tiegs finally managed to "give birth" to twins five years ago, but now, thanks to a bitter custody battle, she's not even allowed to talk about them, let alone to them. [Page Six]

• If the paparazzi are stalking Foxy Brown, the rapper doesn't want anything to do with them. If they're not stalking her, you bet your ass she'll run in heels to get in front of the camera. [Lowdown]

• $10 million for the sequel to Napoleon Dynamite? That wasn't sweet enough for the film's creator Jared Hess, who would obviously rather go rent some DVDs. [Page Six]

• Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake will reportedly touch down in Hawaii for their private wedding, giving new meaning to the "Ring of Fire." [Star]