We've made a habit of chiding entertainment programs like Access Hollywood and even TV Guide Channel's The 411 for blasting press releases to our inboxes announcing the most inane "scoops." But we've never seen one as pushy as the release Entertainment Tonight sent this afternoon about Mary-Kate Olsen's statement regarding Heath Ledger.
Oh, sorry, make that "MARK-KATE OLSEN."
MARK-KATE OLSEN RELEASES HEATH LEDGER STATEMENT TO ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT
January 25, 2008 (Los Angeles, CA)– Mary-Kate Olsen exclusively tells ET, "Heath was a friend. His death is a tragic loss. My thoughts are with his family during this very difficult time."
* MUST CREDIT ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT
* MUST MENTION TUNE IN TO ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT ON FRIDAY, JANUARY 25, 2008
* FOR MORE ON THIS AND OTHER STORIES, VISIT WWW.ETONLINE.COM
So, uh, we MUST CREDIT ET? And we MUST MENTION to our readers that they need to TUNE IN tonight? Even though Mary-Kate's statement was released everywhere, including, probably, other universes?
Consider the incredulous look on Mary-Kate's face the same one we're making right now.
Mary-Kate Olsen's relationship to Heath Ledger is under some scrutiny now that he's dead. Why the masseuse would call her four times before 911 is anyone's guess. We're going with she really wanted to speak with Michelle Tanner.
But how did Mary-Kate react to the news? 23/6 has an idea: CONTINUED »
ON SPEED DIAL Heath Ledger's masseuse first called Mary-Kate Olsen cell phone after seeing her number on Ledger's cell phone. The rolled up $20 in his apartment was found to have no drugs on it; there were also no drugs or alcholol in his apartment. New toxicology tissue tests from the actor could take up to ten days. [NYT]
That will be quite a field trip for the Westboro Baptists from Topeka, Kansas to Australia, where Ledger will be laid to rest.
Heath Ledger died in his own apartment, not Mary-Kate Olsen's. The Olsen's bodyguard was called following his death because he was a certified EMT and friendly with Ledger.
Courtney Hazlett, "The Scoop" columnist for MSNBC.com said, "In a lot of ways, this reminds me — we've almost had a dress rehearsal for this with Owen Wilson."
Good Morning America is probably already on the phone with Owen Wilson. Fortunately, talking to the media about another young star's death in the wake of his own attempted suicide is probably exactly what Wilson wants to do.
[Photo: scene in front of Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment right now.]
Sure, the war in Iraq's still going on, the U.S. military is bringing charges against an award-winning A.P. photographer (whom they've imprisoned, without charges, for the past 19 months) and Nancy Grace and her newborn twins are still in precarious condition after complications from childbirth but, more importantly, Mary-Kate Olsen was hospitalized all morning with a "minor" infection.
Olsen reportedly checked into the emergency room of an NYC hospital this morning with a mild kidney infection and is currently "resting comfortably" and slated to be discharged within the next 24 hours.
Meanwhile, she's kept herself busy by not eating the gross hospital, watching Weed reruns – of the episodes she was in – and complaining that the "fugly" (but trendy!) hospital gown "looks like Zac Posen dress" and, even worse, "totally makes [her] look fat."
"Do we hold women to a double standard of beauty in television news and perhaps in other industries as well?" asks Nichola Gutgold in Morning Call.
"Will there ever be a gray, maybe even thinning gray-haired woman anchoring the news?" Gutgold continues. "Why do we insist that women stay youthful looking and allow men to become "distinguished" with gray hair and receding hairlines?"
Asked and answered!
"Yes." "No." And "Because men grow more attractive with age whereas women just start to look more and more like slightly younger versions of Mary-Kate Olsen."
You're welcome.
Mary-Louise Parker gets one of those trendy African babies. Just in time for Mary-Kate's debut on Weeds on Monday! [Stereohyped]
We're used to seeing Mary-Kate Olsen hovered over a grande latte and guarding her face with an oversized Chanel "tote." But she hobbled her way over to Conan O'Brien's show to plug her upcoming debut on Showtime's Weeds and, in a world exclusive, announced she was pregnant. Except she was kidding. So the world exclusive was that there was a sense of humor hiding between those bones and ligaments.
Mary-Kate is everywhere lately: on the cover of Bazaar, looking homeless while shopping at Barney’s, and last night on Conan O’Brien.
We get that Mary-Kate is promoting her role as a Christian pothead for The Weeds. But just because your sister has a reason to be in the press, doesn’t mean you need to stay out of the tabs.
We miss you! For old time’s sakes, can’t you up put on a pair of gigantic sunglasses and walk around with a venti coffee?
• Inappropriately aroused? Just try imagining Mary-Kate Olsen naked. Wearing nothing but jewelry. On a cold day.
• Madonna purchases a dick-in-a-box while her neutered husband looks on sheepishly.
• We're sorry, Maria Menounos, did our pin get in the way of your ass? Do us a favor and lose five pounds IMMEDIATELY or get out of our building, like now! Get out!
• Hills hanger-on Audrina Patridge defends her asshat of a boyfriend Justin Bobby, explaining he "had a hard time" with kissing her on camera. Fortunately, he had less of a hard time ditching her completely, leaving her stranded at Brody Jenner's party and taking off with some other chick straddling his Harley.
• The Daily Mail has trouble discerning whether a tear-stricken Sharon Osbourne is crying over her talentless daughter or her pneumonia-stricken pooch.
Today's Page Six brought a veritable smile to our face, which was partially due to the lede on Demi Moore flipping out at the prospect of (gasp!) taking a yellow cab and predominantly owed to this unexpected gem on everyone favorite CNBC jetsetter.
MARIA Bartiromo and her husband, Jonathan Steinberg, look great in a full-page photo in Hamptons magazine. The smiling couple appear happy, dapper and tanned. CNBC's "Money Honey" has big diamond earrings and her hand on his shoulder. But Bartiromo - whose trips on Citigroup biggie Todd Thomson's corporate jet cost him his job earlier this year - probably didn't appreciate the full-page ad on the facing page for catering company Elegant Affairs. The ad is headlined, "Planning on Having an Affair?"
Which is basically the equivalent of naming Lindsay Lohan as the newest Coke spokesperson or running a profile of Mary-Kate Olsen next to an advertisement that reads, "SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO FUCKING EAT SOMETHING. LIKE, NOW."
'I don't want my picture taken. The only time I think it's okay is at a red carpet event or a photo shoot. So, every time I see paparazzi, I cover my face so they don't get a picture, and I'm just 'the mean person who doesn't smile.'I would love to be able to swim in the ocean in Malibu. But that is asking for a bikini shot. That's inviting something that I don't want to happen. I don't need to be on a 'Who's Skinny, Who's Fat, Who's Looking Healthy, Who's Not Eating?' list.
–Mary-Kate Olsen, admitting that she'd rather allow the National Enquirer to dictate her vacation destinations than consider altering her strict no-solids diet. [E!]
• Did Cathy Horyn like Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B show? No, apparently she did not. Says Horyn: "Among the words I wrote in my notebook, until my pen came to a stop, were 'blob,' 'very last season,' 'bad secretary,' 'astonishingly bad,' and 'Ditzville." Well, damn!
• American Next Top Model winner Caridee is, paradoxically, neither modeling nor a winner.
• Samantha Ronson (celebrity DJ and Lindsay Lohan's sometimes-girlfriend) reminds us why sister Charlotte is the fashionable one.
• Man sues bodega. 'Nuff said.
A first-look at what your career graduates to when you're best known for saying "You got it, dude." [Mollygood]
• "No fair!" whined a totally jealous Ashley Olsen. "If Mary-Kate gets to suck face with a 63 year-old bald guy, then so do I!" Unfortunately, repeated calls (and "9-1-1" text-messages) to Telly Savalas went unanswered.
• There's an old expression that goes "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Which still doesn't explain why Sienna Miller invited her new leading man over to her London flat for a romantic homemade dinner of….beef stew.
• Tom Cruise out for a stroll with his identical hair-twin/wife.
• Jesse Metcalfe has dreams of becoming "the next James Blunt." Which is to say, a lanky, shaggy-haired doofus who inexplicably bangs much-hotter chicks. Hey, you know, we can actually kind of see it.
&bulll; This one goes out to the ones who love "Pamela [Anderson] and her deformed funbags."
• "Nicole will be a wonderful mom!" predicts Paris, based on their long history of snorting cocaine together.
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills enter the second leg (sorry, Heather!) of divorce negotiations.
• Q. How do you know you're an unfit mom? A. You're getting parenting advice from US Weekly.
• Portfolio is looking for a "Tina Fey" type to head up their on-air news division. And the hits just keep on coming!
• Olsen twin offends Muslim people while simultaneously carrying around her sister in a small-child sized Balenciaga.
• Not only isn't Kanye West gay, he's also not overly defensive about it.
As we write this, we’re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside, currently being wasted on lazy unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we’ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called “Comment of the Day,” to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.
Today’s “Comment of the Day” comes to us from Best Week Ever, and it regards BWE's serious, and completely open-ended question, namely: has anyone actually seen the Olsen twins' parents, and—if not—are we sure they exist?
Fortunately, "bird" was on hand to answer this question, with all the free-versed hostility it deserves.
• Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are splitsville again. Which explains Jess' recent, post-breakup loungewear fiasco.
• Hostel director Eli Roth frightens us with his giant, prosthetic penis.
• Jenna Elfman is surprisingly cool! Except for that whole 'Crazy "Scientologist' thing.
• "Reclusive novelist [Cormac McCarthy] appears on Oprah." Related: J.D. Salinger promptly questions McCarthy's so-called reclusivity; subsequently declares him to be a "phony" instead.
• David Blaine versus Criss Angel: who has the bigger magic wand?
• No one knows their real estate like oversized-sunglasses wearing Mary-Kate Olsen. Also, apparently, the New Yorker has gone tabloid.
• Mary-Kate Olsen is taking time out of her busy not-eating schedule to play a Christian fundamentalist on Weeds.
• If you scratch Tom Friedman's back, he'll totally return the favor with a "reach-around."
• Debbie Matenopoulos reminds us all why she was cast as the orignal "dumb blond" on The View.
• Nicole Kidman distracts her husband from his cocaine addiction by getting back in the saddles.
• NYT: "For the First Time, New York Links a Death to 9/11 Dust." Fortunately, Jerry Falwell's not around to attribute the blame to the Jews.
• TVNewser editor Brian Stelter graduates from college; fails to graduate from TVNewswer.
Editorial Director
