• Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney apparently found religion just in time to dodge coincidentally avoid the Vietnam draft.

• Calista Flockhart soars to an impressively "not imminently alarming" BMI.

• Arnold Schwarzenegger continues to quietly hire gay politicians. Talk about being in the closet cabinet!

• After months of unofficially shagging Eddie Murphy, Tracey Edmonds has finally gotten around to officially divorcing Babyface. Related: Murphy still unofficially recognized as a douchebag for refusing to officially recognize his baby daughter.

• Meanwhile, a shark has a mysterious one night stand, shocks aquarium employees by getting knocked up.

For those of you who have been tirelessly following the 2008 presidential race, here's some news that may surprise you. Apparently, the latest opinion polls have Hillary Clinton dominating the field at an incredible 15 percent of the total vote, which puts her well ahead everyone except undeclared candidate Al Gore.

If you think all this sounds pretty incredible, you're absolutely right. However, it makes far more sense once you realize the results have nothing do with party lines, political bias and voting records and everything to do with that ever-elusive "ick" factor.

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• Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney shows he's a team player.

• HuffPo names its "exciting new citizen journalism" project "Off The Bus." Now, everybody rejoice.

• Old people no longer have the time, energy or brute strength to pick up the Sunday Times.

• Meanwhile, 80% of male internet users aged 18-24 watch online videos at least once a week. 75% of the time, the video in question is either "porn or else some guy getting kicked in the balls."

• And it's time for both sides to begin their closing arguments in the Conrad Black trial. Black's attorneys expected to describe an acquittal as "a sound investment—I mean, 'verdict'" and then wink knowingly at the jury.

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