The price to print newspapers may finally be going down, after a tremendous uphill spike that has contributed in part to the recent shutterings and layoffs in the industry.
"In the last couple of weeks, very quietly, the newsprint companies are making clear that they are not going to raise rates next year," one of the newspaper executives said. "It's going to save millions upon millions of dollars for the newspaper companies."
Newsprint producers also said they would cancel several price increases that were announced for the fourth quarter of this year, an executive from another newspaper company said.
Well, that's good news right? But can the price cut save an industry that runs on ad dollars, when there are no ads to be sold?
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These days it's clearer than ever: loyalty and Hollywood go together like boxing gloves and telephones.
Now that we in the Western World are eating fish skeletons out of the garbage like the Heathcliff of world powers, too poor to lavish celebrities with sufficient amounts of money and gifts, our disappointed stars are turning their rhinoplastied noses eastward, to the mysterious, exciting, oil-rich Orient. In Dubai, where oil barons mingle with Russian gangsters in $1,500 shoes, the money flows as plentifully as the region's largest export. And just like that, our celebrities are taking their balls and going to the UAE!
Uh oh! Everyone's poor and the holidays are coming up! How to get through the next few months, during which we all SIMPLY MUST celebrate the birth of God by spending money on each other, without inching even closer to the poorhouse? HERE COMES WAL-MART, BITCHES!
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After 80 years of selling garbage adorned with the characters of a viciously anti-Semitic cartoonist, the Walt Disney Company has arrived at a conclusion: sticky kids and country folk in Donald Duck t-shirts don't have lots of money for the taking, elitists do. And elitists don't like their overpriced, useless crap to be covered with Goofys. Move over, Vera Wang, and say hello to Disney Couture!
Speaking of being so terribly destitute and actually considering those Spam recipes at the top of our Gmail: Like its banks, America's marketers are facing hardships they've not encountered for decades.
No, they're not finally having a collective attack of conscience about their job being nothing more than a parlor trick to relieve hardworking people of their money. What the admen and women are struggling with is this: How does one go about selling bullshit to a public tightening its purse strings after being slapped awake by financial ruin?
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Imagine being so poor that not even $123 billion could fix your problems. If you can imagine that, you know what it's like to be AIG – motto: "Strength to be there" – the banking giant who fucked around with everybody's money until they were in a world of hurt.
Less than a month after borrowing more than a hundred billion dollars from the United States government, who borrows money from China, AIG has already consumed three-quarters of the loan, and it's still not sure that cash will save its ass. And we thought we were broke!
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Heather Mill's, that one-legged ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, spent most of this spring fighting in a bitter divorce settlement that left her way richer than she was before she met the Beatle. The former porn star was awarded $48.6 million, an insane amount but still only a fraction of what Mucca originally asked for ($250 million).
You guys remember this right? She poured a cup of water on her husband's attorney's head after it was all over? Super fun!
So what has Heather Mills been doing with all her cash? Keeping a low profile so to not attract any more press? Saving her money for a rainy day?
Haha, what, why would you ever think that:
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In the wake of an awkward and unnecessary Sarah Palin appearance on Saturday Night Live this weekend, news comes that Lorne Michaels, who recently donated $4,600 to Barack Obama's presidential campaign, may have coaxed the Illinois senator into appearing on SNL the Saturday before the election:
First we told you that Guy Ritchie stood to make $100 million plus from his divorce with Madonna. Then came word that, no, Ritchie wants "not one penny" of Madge's fortune. But if that's true, then why has Madonna acquired the services of Fiona Shackleton, Britain's shrewdest divorce attorney?
Today, new information about the still unfolding drama says that not only is Ritchie going after Madge's millions, under British law, he stands to see about 250 of them.
Were Ritchie to walk away from his marriage with a quarter of a billion dollars, it would be the most expensive celebrity divorce in recent history.
After the jump, more ungodly settlements.
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Now that Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage has gone the way of their Swept Away remake, let's look into how much rapidly devaluing cash and assets are going to change hands, shall we?
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What a tangled web our bloody, shameful, slave-ridden American history has woven.
A genealogical study has found that silvern newsman Anderson Cooper's great-great-grandfather, Cornelius Vanderbilt, once owned Michelle Obama's great-great-grandfather, Jim Robinson, on Friendfield(!!!!!!!!!), a 3,000-acre plantation in Georgetown, South Carolina.
Remember when movie people had to exert even a minimum amount of effort and money for the opportunity to become multi-millionaires playing pretend? Well choke on it, taxpayer, because now film crews on the path to get rich don't have to do shit but show up, videotape a dog in a necklace running around California and cash their large checks, and all on your dime! Whaddya mean financial crisis?
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The successful Mideast war drama continues to elude Hollywood producers, who failed at the box office again this weekend with the Ridley Scott-helmed Body of Lies. The ninth contemporary war film in the last two years to be mostly ignored by moviegoers, Lies, the tale of a CIA operative on the hunt for a terrorist in Jordan, was crushed at the box office by lighter fare, specifically the fictional account of a rich dog in Beverly Hills.
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Our grandfather would sometimes say, "Pretty soon, they're gonna plug the idiot box right into your head so you won't be able to escape it," and we'd go, "Alright, grandpa, whatever you say–now put your goddamn pants back on." It's terrifying how close to being right that wacky old man is getting.
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The executives behind right-wing comedy flick An American Carol, which the Philadelphia Enquirer called "about as not-funny as a comedy can get," are claiming that fraudulent sales practices at movie theaters around America are preventing Carol's box office tallies from reaching the astronomical levels they would otherwise.
Did all the conservatives decide to go batshit insane at the same time?
In the case of firebrand leftist Keith Olbermann versus the inhumanly rich and powerful conservative Rupert Murdoch, the combatants have a history that extends well beyond Olbermann's almost nightly attacks on Murdoch from his pulpit on MSNBC. A history that belies Olbermann's constant criticism of the man behind the ugly, ugly Fox News channel and one that deserves to be addressed.
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Hey, dumb Americans, did all this poly-tikkin' going on have you worried you were going to have to get the fuck out of the Applebee's booth and start paying attention to the world around you? Well you just stay put and order another helping of the crispy cheesy chili crab salsa rolls—the world is coming to you!
Fancy pants magazines The Economist and The Atlantic are out to become part of the mass market and prove to hoi polloi that they're not your rich white grandfather's stuffy publications anymore. How are they going about doing this? One way is muffins.
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It's been awhile since the world heard from Jeffrey Epstein, since the "eccentric" billionaire's been locked away in prison for soliciting sex from underage prostitutes. But it turns out the man watched his Oz before getting kicked into the slammer: Epstein's already spent $1250 during the first 3 months of his year and a half prison stint, mostly on small edible items that should be easy to trade with White Power Bob as to avoid a smackdown.
Beside speculating on why Bill Clinton isn't showing his full support for Barack Obama — one theory says it's because the Democratic nominee wouldn't guarantee Hillary a Supreme Court seat — another favorite game of the MSM is figuring out how much money those pesky bloggers make. Are they raking in the cash like a lobbyist without a soul, or are they in the poorhouse and typing away on an ancient Brother typewriter? To the fuzzy math! CONTINUED »
The world of advertising has become a hovel of ineptitude as finance the world over very quickly crumbles, thus proving what we've known for years: ad people are cowards who will break under pressure.
At right is a Fox Business ad, complete with a lie about being LIVE when the bailout happened (the bailout didn't happen, of course). Then there's the world's banks, most of which are trying in vain to sound rock-solid as they collapse like castles made of sand.
And the political advertisers aren't doing any better. Twice now McCain's camp has screwed up by sending out ads that never should have been. First was an Internet ad proclaiming on Thursday that Senator McCain won Friday's debate, and next was an RNC TV spot whose main point assumed the bailout went through. Of course, McCain didn't win the debate and, again, the bailout didn't go through, but those facts didn't stop some marketing dolts from brainstorming them and then loosing them on a confused public.
Nice to see that in times of crisis people are quicker than usual to abandon facts and good sense.
Editorial Director
