Cord Jefferson may think a certain Jossip editor is a jerk. And that certain Jossip editor may be writing in third person at this very moment to adhere to the constraints of Jossip style.

And still, we must take a moment to acknowledge Cord's lament on the suburbs. Namely, that the suburbs suck. And they do. We grew up there.

Usually, Cord's misanthropy is directed at washed up celebrities, which is funny and all, but making fun of Victoria Beckham is like shooting fishing in a barrel. Making fun of the suburbs, however, is like shooting fish at close range.

• Ashlee Simpson, hard-working artist that she is, needs some rest. [MTV]

• If you’re a photographer on Monica’s trail, you should probably be fearing for your life. [NYP]

• Here’s what Beyonce has learned from boyfriend Jay-Z: whenever someone tries to sue her, she just brushes her shoulder off. Problem is, that doesn’t pay off $1.5 million debts. [Jam!]

• Justin Timberlake is rooting for Britney Spears. Or, at least hoping to score some free weed of K-Fed. [The Age]

• Kid Rock thought long and hard about Pamela Anderson while he was in jail. Ahh. Nothing breeds true love like avoiding rape in a Swiss prison shower room. [1063klen]