WHO'S BALLS ARE BIGGER? Mort Zuckerman has matched Rupert Murdoch's $580 million bid for Newsday. [Reuters]

Newly single Jared Kushner is expected to throw his hat in the Newsday ring, which already includes Rupert Murdoch and Mort Zuckerman. But with an asking price of around $500 million, purchasing the Long Island daily will by 50X more expensive than Kusher's New York Observer, which he fetched for a paltry $10 million.

While both Rupert Murdoch and Mort Zuckerman want to be in the Newsday business, it's clear who staffers would prefer: the News Corp. fella.

More than half of those responding to the Press Gazette's informal poll said they want Murdoch because he's a "real newspaper" man.

Oh, and there's this: While Zell is on a nationwide tour of his Tribune Co. properties slashing jobs, Murdoch is, at least for now, staffing things up and beefing up coverage.

The moguls are going crazy over Newsday, the Long Island newspaper we refuse to touch because it somehow leaves more newsprint on our fingers than any other rag. The paper makes money, which is why the Tribune Co., whose profits took a huge tumble last year, is looking to unload it: Its most profitable assets are also its most lucrative. With an asking price as high as $400 million (down from perhaps the $1 billion it could've fetched five years ago), the fancy lady has suitors with familiar names: Rupert Murdoch, Mort Zuckerman, and Cablevision's James Dolan.

Murdoch is thinking joint venture between the NY Post and Newsday, giving him an edge over Zuckerman's Daily News. Hey! That's why Zuckerman wants it too! Why does Dolan want it? Your guess is as good as ours, but we're gonna go with ego.

Here’s some hearsay: New York Daily News editor Martin Dunn wants to be Rupert Murdoch's bitch.

Here are some facts: Dunn still lives in England, he wrote a toady think piece on working for Murdoch for The Guardian and there’s an opening at Murdoch’s Times of London.

When asked about his ambitions to leave Mort Zuckerman for Rupert Murdoch, Dunn told Jeff Bercovici, "Quite frankly, Rupert ain't going to be my employer."

Okay, but if Dunn did want to leave, there would be no better way to impress him than with a grammatically incorrect but socially acceptable contraction.

Breaking: The evil Mort Zuckerman has just fired the highest ranking minority at the New York Daily News, reports unbiased third-party, the New York Post.

Well, technically, the man in question (Guy Holliday, the News' former head of ad sales) left to pursue other interests and made a point of saying "Mort [has] been really good to me."

But still! Clearly there's elitism and possibly racism afoot! And who better to point that out than the newspaper run by man of the people, Rupert Murdoch.

"I do read The Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal and The New York Times and, most critically, the Daily News. I read Time and Newsweek, and, of course, The Observer; and The New York Review of Books, The New Republic, Business Week, Forbes, Fortune and Vanity Fair."

That's Mort Zuckerman going on, and on, about the publications he reads. Perhaps only the staff at U.S. News & World Report – you know, that little magazine he owns – might have noticed he didn't mention … U.S. News & World Report.

• Britney Spears may have taken time out of her busy fried-chicken eating schedule to drive herself into a parked car, she's apparently too fat to model her own perfume. Curious!

• Also, Brit seduced a 21-year old college student in a hottub by making out with him during a game of Truth or Dare.

• A clearly unbiased New York Post wants you to know that Daily News owner (and "pipsqueak publisher") Mortimer Zuckerman's a shitty writer. Just, FYI.

• Catherine Zeta-Jones has finally had enough of Michael Douglas' old-man semen.

• Christina Aguilera's non-famous hubby takes ample precautions before venturing out into the frozen foods section of his local A&P.

• If you thought/hoped you'd seen the last of Carlton and Urkel, you'd better think again.

On Wednesday, the New York Daily News wrote an article about a woman by the name of Claire Godfrey, describing her as a "Vanessa Williams lookalike [who] had been a medical correspondent for Fox News, a fitness model and a spokeswoman for a national health care company" before establishing a "successful career as an obstetrician," then jumping to the "lucrative field of anti-aging medicine," where she "quickly established herself as an expert,"* and later, as a rather unethical person who freely prescribed drugs for professional athletes despite never having actually met them.

Unfortunately, not only did the News leave out a picture of said woman, making it difficult (but not impossible!) for us to verify their "Vanessa Williams lookalike" claim, but they also seemingly invented Godfrey's Fox News background.

According to a Fox News publicist, Claire Godfrey has never worked for FOX News, FOX News Channel or even Fox Television stations, and no Fox division has any record of her employment.

Strange!

CONTINUED »

Looks as though the revamped New York Daily News website hasn't yet found its niche among the "bored at work" set. As Keith Kelly (of the rival New York Post) gleefully writes, "the Web site which has undergone three major redesigns in the last seven years, has been a sore spot for the Daily News."

As it turns out, that's a bit of an understatement.

CONTINUED »

The NYT pulls the rug out from underneath New York's much written about highly mysterious "Post vs. Daily News" rivalry!

In New York City, the Daily News and the Post have long sparred with promotions, games and articles belittling each other, in a contest that often seems as much a reflection of their executives' egos as any business strategy.

Wait, you mean all that back and forth cattiness is really just a pissing contest between the tabloids' two publishers?

Finally, it all makes sense!

It's been over a week since the results of the Pulitzers were first announced, which is, apparently, just long enough for everyone to suddenly remember the horrendous backlash that award-winner (and Daily News reporter) Juan Gonzalez encountered pre-Pulitzer, when his 9/11 health piece initially ran.

In fact, at the time, Gonzalez was essentially torn a new one by New York's power players, including Mayor Rudy Giuliani, EPA director Christie Whitman, and—as it turns out—the top editors at the NYDN! Fortunately for everyone, Gonzalez (who shunned the Pulitzer victory celebration) is a very humble man.

Reached at home, where he is on book leave, Gonzalez is clearly magnanimous, congratulating his colleagues and adding: "My only concern is that, if more journalists, not just at the News but in the rest of the New York media, had had the courage to follow the story back then, maybe there wouldn't be as many people getting sick or dying now."

Which is pretty much Gonzalez's tactful way of saying, "Eat me, Mort Zuckerman."

• If they ever do make a tv movie about Bob Woodruff, the role of ABC news president David Westin will be played by a Desperate Housewives "hunk."

• The Post gets to the heart of the U.S. News/Sarah Lawrence controversy by reminding everyone that U.S. News and World Report is actually owned by Mort Zuckerman.

• Last week, the two biggest news stories were the Scooter Libby verdict and the presidential race. (And lest you thought our country had smartened up too much, it's worth noting that Antonella Barba grabbed the #3 slot.)

• Turns out CBS Evening News' new exec producer is actually friends with the Clintons. Conflict of interest? Or just boring coincidence?

• "[Keith] Olbermann types with one finger. His right pointer. Eighty words a minute." Just think about that.

CONTINUED »

Things are looking up – way up – for Donna Dees, the ousted chief publicist for Mort Zuckerman, who lost her job in August. Depending on who you ask, Dees was either let go as part of a slate cleaning of anyone hired under former Daily News chief Les Goodstein, or she could never get Zuckerman decent play in the New York Times, which is all he cared about.

But now we hear Dees has landed firmly on her feet: As of Monday, she's the new director of communications for Inside Edition. We're told it took only one quick chat – two weeks ago – with Deborah Norville for IE to offer her the gig.

Which should be familiar territory, as it also took only one quick chat for Zuckerman to dismiss her.

• Time Inc. looks to slice another 150 jobs, and not even People will be spared.

• Ousted Life & Style editor Debra Birnbaum lands at Gemstar-TV Guide in a gig that will let her tell them all the things they're doing wrong.

• Mort Zuckerman kindly asks The New Yorker not to write about him. David Remnick kindly denies request.

• If it's not overblown meth epidemics, it's other assinine drug stories Jack Shafer is pinning journos for.

• Judge freezes O.J. Simpson's If I Did It cash that was funneled to shell organization. Onlookers bewildered at paltry sum O.J. was actually paid.

• Rupert Murdoch's hat throne in ring for Tribune assets.

Exclusive

On Friday, the Daily News announced it had brought on State Lottery director Nancy Palumbo to be its senior VP of strategic marketing and corporate communications. Why is the new talking head for Mort Zuckerman so important? Well, part of it has to do with Zuckerman's constant manicuring of his own image, for which Palumbo will now be responsible. But more interesting is that Palumbo is the replacement for Donna Dees, the generally well-liked now-former chief talking head who was axed in August. At the time, Page Six reported she was let go under an overhaul to remove anyone hired under former News president Les Goodstein — but our sources pointed to Zuckerman's displeasure with not getting enough play in the New York Times, a failure he pinned on Dees. (Whether it was her doing or not, Zuckerman pal Jeffrey Epstein managed to stay out of the Times for quite some time — and someone deserves an award for that.)

So now we've got Palumbo on the clock beginning Nov. 6. And by Nov. 7? She better have some B1 play for Mort in the Grey Lady, at a minimum.

But this wouldn't be a proper Daily News top brass item without some requisite speculation. Our sources say Palumbo is actually in the running to succeed Daily News president Mark Kramer — who Zuckerman has barely supported of late. Kramer has hit Mort's infamous nine month mark, and certainly the pummeling delivered by the New York Post this morning isn't sitting well.

News of the Daily News hit today, carrying the information that Mort Zuckerman axed his VP of classified ads, Andrea Dove. After tricking her into thinking she was heading in for a meeting with new CEO Marc Kramer, HR sideswiped her, and gave Dove her walking (er, should we say flying?) papers.

We doubt the firing (which may end up resulting in an age discrimination lawsuit) will have a huge affect on other staffers. Well, at least not as large of an imprint as it had on Keith Kelly's life. You so know he's been waiting a lifetime for a headline like this.

The only thing left to do after this masterpiece is to sit and wait for some sort of tree in the forest in the Grove headline to top it.

LONESOME DOVE'S WINGS CLIPPED AT DAILY NEWS [Keith Kelly, New York Post]

Exclusive

The calendar says it's September — so why, you're wondering, is Daily News gossip Lloyd Grove still got gossip real estate? Shouldn't Ben Widdicombe have taken over his space when Lloyd's contract expired at the end of August? All very good questions, you gossip sleuth, so let us fill you in on what's going on.

While Daily News owner Mort Zuckerman has refused to renew Lloyd's contract, we're told Mort is allowing the Lowdowner to continue penning the column until he finds a new gig elsewhere. As we've mentioned before, Lloyd's been hunting for a new gig for months, even taking meetings in Washington, where he was based before Mort drew him north. But so far — no luck. Nobody will hire Lloyd for a variety of reasons, though the concensus seems to be the "Scarlet Letter" factor. Which means you might be subjected to a Paris Hilton-less column for weeks or months to come.

So, you know how the only reason to read Ed Kosner's book is for all the pot shots he takes at his former boss, Daily News editor Mort Zuckerman? Well, uh, those shots, which showed up in the galleys, have apparently been pulled from the final version of It's News to Me.

Zuckerman's rep claims she "heard" that Kosner made over 60 changes in the book before it was released. The "notorious screamer" description? Gone. The accusation that Zuckerman "nickel-and-dimed his editors?" Gone. So is the part about how he"ran the paper like a corner store." along with the statement, "Mort hardly ever appeared in the newsroom lest some disgruntled staffer let him have it."

So, basically, the book is about how Zuckerman is a great boss, the Daily News rocks and Ed Kosner would really like his old job back.

Where'd They Go? [Irin Carmon, WWD]

Yesterday, we expressed our burning desire to see two middle aged white guys duke it out … since we missed Toby Young's party and all. And if you feel the same way, well, this just may be your big chance.

Ed Kosner, who wrote It's News to Me: The Making and Unmaking of an Editor, about how Mort Zuckerman is the biggest asshole fuck-up to ever exist, is holding his book party in the Hamptons. Two doors down from the Zuck.

"Mort isn't invited, but he'll be able to see the party from his windows. It's literally being held right under his nose," Della Femina said. Zuckerman was so steamed when he read excerpts from Kosner's tome on Page Six last May that he threatened legal action for its "demonstrably false comments and statements" and demanded portions be changed.

We have a hard time believing that Zuck is simply going to sit at his window and watch the party … though if any of you attend, and spot a little balding head and beady black eyes gazing from afar, please let us know.

The Post makes sure to point out that everyone wants in on this ticket (and by everyone they mean Paula Froelich's gaggle of gossip friends) because they've read about the dispute in Murdoch's pages. Gotta' love a book party where nobody has any actual interest in reading the book.

MORT BASHED IN OWN BACKYARD [Page Six]