• Naomi Campbell: bringing saphron traffic-vests back, makes sanitation work fashionable.
• Three Long Islanders were apprehended on the Triborough Bridge with $4000 worth of coke…because they couldn't pay the $4.50 toll.
• Cost of imaginary Second Avenue subway project increases by $54 million real dollars.
• "NYU is poisoning the culture of the Village." Well, obviously.
• Police found 22 pounds of marijuana concealed in a spare tire. More surprising, however, was the 50 grams of coke that was stashed in the love handles/cankle regions.
I went for a face glow two years ago and the doctor burned me. I had second-degree burns to my face. I couldn't work for three months. It was a nightmare.
— Naomi Campbell, on fears that a beauty treatment would end her career, and not her tendency to throw mobile devices at the help.
No point in reading this entire article on Amazonian cell-phone hurler, Naomi Campbell. As usual, the CNN "Story Highlights" have done a fantastic job of reducing the story to its fundamental bullet points:
• Naomi is really, really sorry for throwing phones at her assistants.
• Naomi didn't throw the phones because she's crazy; she threw them because she's sleep-deprived.
• Naomi is currently in therapy, where she's learned that magical crystals will prevent her from battering her assistants, regardless of their jeans-folding ineptitude.
Now, if only someone would turn this whole thing into an amazing reality show…
Pre-program your DVR's and hide those bulky Blackberries, folks.
Naomi Campbell is reportedly looking for a new personal assistant, and MTV is going to be right there to document it.
And, while we all know Naomi's previous track record has been less than stellar (her last six assistants quit because of her "violent temper") we here at Jossip believe in second chances.
After all, why shouldn't Campbell be able to capitalize off of the fact that she's been known to beat her indentured servants with inanimate objects and has even threatened to throw them in front of a moving vehicle?
Look, Naomi's got cash to burn and a couple of screws loose. Of course she's going to slap around the hired help if they can't even remember where they put the pair of designer jeans she wore the night she got wasted on white wine spritzers and forgot them at some modelizer's apartment.
Rules are rules, people, and if you can't micromanage the life of a complete and utter psychopath, you deserve to have the occasional cell phone (or two) hurled in your general direction.
If, however, you have what it takes to become Naomi's future ex-assistant, then continue reading at your own risk.
CONTINUED »
• Mischa Barton copes with reports of her kid sister's drug problem by smoking copious amounts of reefer and stuffing her face with Pirate's Booty.
• Anna Nicole's former lesbian lover-slash-assistant joins Judge Larry "Waterworks" Seidlin in denouncing Howard K. Stern as a slimy enabler.
• Usher's mom doesn't approve of her son's fiance, Tameeka Foster, which is doubly harsh considering that maid-bashing Naomi Campbell was her predecessor.
• On a related note, Naomi Campbell is supposedly dating Terrence Howard, much to the chagrin of his fragile personal assistant.
• Russell Crowe asks Nicole Kidman about her husband's "courageous" rehabilitation efforts, refuses to ask her anything about Tom Cruise's overt sexuality or Keith Urban's video ho's.
• New York Supreme Court upholds the 70-year ban on dancing in NYC restaurants, bars; Kevin Bacon slated to re-try the case with the help of flamboyant dance moves and Kenny Loggins.
• Oops, Britney's comeback song may have been leaked onto YouTube! Meanwhile, pregnancy rumors abound, mainly cause Brit is fat and 'vomits a lot.'
• Lindsay Lohan enters rehab, while Leslie Sloane Zelnik avoids calling it "bullshit."
• A judge sentences a penitent Naomi Campbell to 5 days of community service for brutally bashing her maid. And you thought our legal system didn't work!
• Breaking: It turns out that gay guys actually don't like it when their superiors accidentally-on-purpose drop things and then tell them to "bend over and pick it up."
• In a desperate plea to save his job, Pat "Let's Get Some Coke And Get Wild" O'Brien breaks a BS-sounding story about how Salma Hayek's dog saved her life.
• Julia Roberts' bun in the oven is reportedly a boy; We can't wait until she sells freely distributes pics of the adorable [insert WASP name *here*]
• Careerbuilder offers this helpful guide to become the Most Annoying Office Stereotype since Dilbert.
It's hard to find good help these days. Especially if your name is Naomi Campbell. The cell-phone wielding terror already has a sordid history of abusing her employees and—with today's courtroom admission—she may have an even harder time finding a new assistant than Anna Wintour herself.
Of course, it was about time Naomi fessed up. It's not as though she's exactly got a reputation of being a patient and understanding boss and the myriad of head-injuries and cell-phone inflicted war wounds date back all the way to 2000. And here's her big courtroom confession:
I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Anna," Campbell told Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Robert Mandelbaum. "This was an accident because I did not intend to hit her.
Alright, so she said it was an accident. But can you really blame the girl? It's hard enough being a aging supermodel without all the unpleasantness of a courtroom drama. And on the plus side, Campbell's former maid can now expect a hefty settlement to pay for her severe head injuries and, of course, for the emotional trauma that inevitably accompanies being smacked upside the head by a coked up, Amazonian Brit.
Oh, am New York. We know how hard you work each and every day, slaving away to create the free tabloids that inevitably get tossed, unread, onto the subway tracks, causing track fires, floods, and excruciating train delays.
But in your haste to close today's issue, you may have overlooked a small – but not insignificant – error.
Quick heads-up to the photo department: Naomi Watts, actress, played a drug addict in 21 Grams, dates Liev Schrieber, sees actors with perfect hair and six-packs and feels herself being numbed.
Naomi Campbell, supermodel, played a drug addict from late 1990s-present, sleeps around, allegedly clocks unassuming assistants over the head with her cell phone until a numbing sensation kicks in.
Glad we could clear up any discrepancies.
• Mel Gibson's drunken anti-Semitic speech was a "gift," forcing him to realize what he needs to focus on. Like box office returns.
• With the Sex and the City movie supposedly back on track, Kim Cattrall conveniently forgets it was she who put up the roadblocks.
• All the women who want to sue American Apparel's Dov Charney will be happy to know he's got a big corporate backer to pay those out-of-court settlements.
• After Christina Ricci's biggest Internet fan dropped his website devoted to her and PETA named her to its Worst Dressed List because she wore fur, she's denounced her personal connection to the slaughter of our furry friends.
• If this supermodel ain't Naomi Campbell, we need a new list of anger-prone waifs.
CONTINUED »
It's not Naomi Campbell's fault that you keep reading about her legal troubles involving the abuse of her employees. You see, it's celebrity culture and the incessant media that have forever associated her name with "abusive wench."
"I just feel like I am a target," the 36-year-old supermodel told Britain's Sky News. "People have told me for months and years, 'You're a target' but it's only just kind of sunk in that I am a target."
Also a target: Housekeepers, assistants, gardeners, drivers, FedEx guys, window washers, chimney sweeps, gutter cleaners, cable guys, and anyone who falls under the umbrella known as "the help."
• Penelope Cruz, and now Oprah top the list of guests not invited to TomKat's nuptials.
• So, it's safe to say Noami Campbell is not the sweet lady on the corner who hands out candy?
• Eva Pigford is all grown up, doesn't need ANTM bosses getting her back no more.
• Beneath that Armani tux, Tom Cruise will have GrigioPerla undies caressing his thetan spewer.
• Seeing how well reality TV shows do for the reputations of their stars, Mike Tyson wants in.
• Given Kevin Federline's success in rap, it only make sense he's also a skilled poet.
• Paris and Lindsay play another round of bed swap with each other's exes.
• Naomi Campbell attacks her drug counselor, gets arrested. Spokesperson calls it a "misunderstanding." [AP]
• The baby daddy of Madonna's adopted son hopeful David wants the media to back off, fearful she'll dump the boy like her equestrian theme. [BBC]
• David Hasselhoff's divorce battle rages on with with accustations that wifey Pamela Bach was "intoxicated" at their daughters 16th bday party. [TMZ]
• Gwyneth Paltrow calls Brad Pitt's Babel performance the best ever, though our vote goes to his acting during the last of the Jennifer Aniston era. [R&M]
• If given the opportunity, former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey would so jump at the chance to bed his partner on their wedding night. [Queerty]
Yesterday, Naomi Campbell failed to show up in Manhattan Criminal Court to face the charges that she beat the crap out of her housekeeper by throwing a cellphone at her head. People magazine described the judge as "annoyed." We're sure the rest of the courthouse was more likely "relieved" than annoyed, but, no matter. Campbell may be a super model, but, she still has to face the music.
She is absolutely obligated to appear at the next court date or the law will go into effect. A bench warrant will be issued," Judge James Gibbons told the supermodel's defense team, Reuters reports.
Campbell's lawyer blames the hundreds of photographers swarming the courtroom, waiting for their photo of the no-show Campbell, for her absence.
"The press is all over this girl. There are over 100 cameramen outside this courthouse," Breitbart said.
We guess, "my housekeeper has a BlackBerry Lodged in Her Head" was already taken.
We're really not that into tech news, but when gadgets becomes sexy enough to land on the fashion gossip blogs, we pay attention. Fashion Week Daily introduces us to Motorola's latest cell phone, the MOTOKRZR K1. It's a centimeter thinner than the RAZR and will even fit in the pocket of your skinny leg size 0 Earnest Cut & Sew jeans.
The phone launches this fall — and what a better way to introduce a cell phone than to throw a party at a venue filled with really expensive jeans.
Boasting more than a centimeter shaved off the popular RAZR phone, the latest handheld features a multi-dimensional, metallic gloss for visual depth, and is fashioned from magnesium, polished chrome, and hardened glass. Together with An Earnest Cut & Sew, Motorola will create an art installation to showcase the groundbreaking model and foretell the future of mobile handset design.
Were sure a handful of model and celeb types will be prancing through the meatpacking district for that party. But we ask that Motorola please refrain from giving Naomi Campbell a pair of $900 jeans or a cell phone covered in "hardened glass." For obvious reasons.
Skinny Cell [Fashion Week Daily]
The most frightening aspect of this story? It's not even about Naomi Campbell. It's about model/flight attendant beater May Andersen. Good thing these models are so thin, or these support group rooms would be bursting at the seams.
• Oh, snap. As if Lindsay Lohan needed another reason to hate Scarlett Johansson, Scarlett is now stealing Lindsay's classy signature shot (Kamikazes?) and downing them all night with Wilmer Valderrama at Marquee. [Page Six]
• But, Lohan has Jeremy Piven to help her forget about her problems. Or, y'know, give her more problems. [AP]
• A new book about John F. Kennedy Jr., complete with “never-before-seen†photos of the sexiest man alive?! We're so in. [Lowdown]
• Naomi Campbell dated Robert De Niro? Whoa, his stock just went down faster than the Observer's. [R&M]
• Expect a larger-than-normal drinking binge from Tara Reid soon. Looks like she’ll need the alcohol to get over her movie role embarrassment. [R&M]
• Isn't it nice when your big sister ditches you and then explains to the press it's because she's more popular and didn't want to take attention away from your ugly duckling ass. We just feel so sorry for Ashlee Simpson sometimes. [Page Six]
• Normally, Naomi Campbell getting arrested would be really big news. But since it happens more than AMI mags folding, we barely even notice anymore. [AP]
• The French are trying to get Zizou to come and head-butt Lance Armstrong. [ABC]
• Remember when Britney Spears told Matt Lauer she wanted to start her own magazine? Well, Kevin Federline actually has a name and a business proposal. Lord, how many failures can one duo set themselves up for? [R&M]
• Ahhh! This is the scariest ad for a horror movie we've ever seen! [Us]
• See, nothing good comes out of a trip to Naomi Campbell's birthday party. [MTV]
• What cracked out acid-trip led to Cirque du Soleil covering The Beatles? Damn that Yoko Ono! [AP]
• Seriously, this whole washed up rockstar turned radio DJ trend is really sad. [Yahoo]
• We feel like it's our civil duty to warn the public that DMX is once again free to roam the streets. [AP]
• Naomi Campbell makes it to court, just to show off her fabulous new sunglasses. Then it's right back to paying people off and abusing the foreign domestic workers. [NYT]
• Is this Freedom Tower design shit still going on? [NYT]
• Dog snobbery and Brooklyn puggles aside — could this mean the end of the pure bred poodle? [NYO]
• Shockingly enough, this post-college suicide victim didn't even go to NYU. [NYDN]
• Orchard Street is falling down, falling down, falling down. Orchard Street is falling down … we hope it lands on some hipsters. [Metro]
Today in pointless crap from the Daily News:
Naomi Campbell is a biyotch,
which inspires other girls to be biyotches, too, in hopes of earning reality TV fame,
and here's how you can be one of them!
No wonder their new reality show is called Tabloid Wars.
Editorial Director
