• If Elizabeth Hasselbeck gives you a reason to live … well, your life is lookin' pretty sad. [FBNY, EW]

• Lindsay Lohan wants to go to Iraq — American troops beg, "haven't we been through enough?" [People]

• Page Six finally comes around to outing Joe Francis for the psycho fuck he is. While still managing to plug the news reporter Claire Hoffman was able to extract before being slammed up against a car and fondled. [Page Six]

• Here are a few shots of our fave Faux Par Natalie Reid, courtesy of our super paparazzi sleuth Molly. Somehow it feels less creepy than shots of real Paris Hilton. Is that weird? [Mollygood]

• Don't ask us how we missed this moving picture of Britney Spears on crack … but in case you missed it, too, this is freakin' hilarious. We think she says "huhn?" about 47 times. [You Tube]

Remember the fake Paris Hilton (who we lovingly refer to as FauxPar) Natalie Reid? Well, it was decided a while ago that she, unlike Chantelle Houghton, was the real fake Paris. And now, her scheduled appearance in Playboy more or less confirms it.

Reid's nude photos, along with her surely intriguing interview, are set to run in the August 4 issue to Playboy. Here's an excerpt from that titillating article about Natalie spending quality time with real Paris.

"She invited me to her house in West Hollywood, and we hung out. She was totally in shock, like staring at me and taking a lot of pictures."

Hopefully that's something FauxPar enjoys … having her photo taken, and people staring at her.

Playboy To Publish Nude Paris Hilton Lookalike [Fishbowl, NY]
Earlier:Be fake Paris Hilton's Friendster

• Our fave fake celebrity, Natalie Reid, gets banned from Stereo for life. Hmm, maybe that place might be kind of fun to chill at afterall. [NYP]

• Lloyd Grove thinks you should all want to be Gwyneth Paltrow … she just had a baby and she's still skinnier than you. Thanks for that reminder of our 1999 Paltrow-induced anorexia, dude. [Lowdown ]

• Tom Cruise actually has a reason for changing Katie Holmes' name to "Kate." And he's over emphasizing the "woman's name" just a tad. [Bizarre]

• Looks like "Maury's girls" are not too happy with one another. Hey, this mistress should just be happy she's still alive. We all know what happened to Charlie Sheen's side dish. [NYP]

• College sports announcer Keith Jackson hangs up his jersey. Please, don't ask how we came to be reading the sports pages. [NYT]

• Surprise! Celebs, their handlers, and the paparazzi are in cahoots to bring you Us Weekly's front of the book each week. [WSJ]

• We already gave you Paris Hilton impersonator Natalie Reid's Friendster page. Now become her MySpace pal. [MySpace]

• One day, Mort Zuckerman would like his now 8-year-old daughter Abigail to take over the reigns. Until then, he'll continue to fend off Rupert Murdoch by himself. [NYT]

• Just because those trolls in Starbucks aren't willing to pony up for a T-Mobile wireless subscription doesn't mean you should be stealing other people's open network access. [NYT]

• Jann Wenner wanted Tom Cruise for his May Men's Journal cover. Tom Cruise wanted Wenner's Rolling Stone story about Scientology killed. Jann said no. Tom said no. [NY Mag]

• Jermaine Jackson hoped to cash in on brother Michael's infamy. Until brother Michael found out. [NYDN]

• Macaulay Culkin, published author? We hear he'll be signing copies next week at the Union Square Barnes & Noble. [Time]

• Travolta. Latifah. Hairspray, the movie. [KIRO 7]

As the race heats up between Paris Hilton's imposters – Natalie Reid has 50 Friendsters, while TV show hopeful Chantelle Houghton has, to our knowledge, zero – so too are their backstories. But can the faux heiresses really compete with Paris' true beginnings, what with her sex tape, Page Sixation, whirlwind 21st birthday tour, Carl's Jr. controversy, and endless boob and crotch exposures?

Yes, it turns out. This report came in late last night from a reader:

Natalie Reid used to perform in the Canadian drag bars under the name "Tess Tickle". She always looked very girly and was VERY skinny, but once she grew her hair out and went on hormones she really began to look amazing.

When she went to work at that drag agency in New York they told her not to market herself as a drag queen because she'd get more jobs as a real woman. She is pretty much a woman now anyway though I doubt she has had the full surgury. Her male name used to be Cameron. I'm not sure if her last name was "Reid" because we generally called her Tess.

Needless to say, all of the preceeding statements require liberal uses of the terms "allegedly," "unconfirmed," and "probably, and most likely, entirely made up."

Related: All Natalie Reid coverage

The last Natalie Reid Friendster count, conducted by Jossip on February 8, showed that the Friendster since October 2005 had a whopping zero friends.

But one photo with David Lee Roth, and this chick is climbing up the fake friends ladder faster than you can say Faux Par. Such a small part of us feels like this bizarre tale would make a great New York magazine article for David Amsden … (sigh) … if only she was four years younger.

Natalie Reid's Friendster Profile
Earlier Be fake Paris Hilton's Friendster

When we saw the headline "Paris's next co-star: Fake Paris?' we automatically assumed that part would be played by Natalie Reid, the Friendster-less Faux Par who ran around this year's fashion week.

But, as this crazy world would have it, there is another, more well-known Fake Paris Hilton who is stealing all the attention from Natalie — Chantelle Houghton.

The woman who made headlines when she received the VIP treatment and bagged freebies from people who thought she was the partying hotel heiress claims that her people are in talks with Hilton’s people about the real Hilton appearing on the fake Hilton’s reality show.

A reality show about living a life that's all a dream in your head? Natalie could've done that. Psha, we bet Chantelle doesn't even have a Friendster profile or Friendster blog.

Paris’ next co-star: Fake Paris? [The Scoop]

Remember on Monday when New York magazine told you that your life sucked, and gave you a bunch of tips on how to make it better (such as join a nunnery or move to South America). Well, we mostly skipped over them because, well, our lives are fabulous. But, reading our mag on the subway last night, this little tip jumped out at us.

"Most celebs got famous by sleeping with other famous folk,” says New York Post “Page Six” contributor Jared Paul Stern. “And if you can’t fuck ’em, sue ’em.” Lawsuits, like the one about Paris Hilton’s sex tape, have the added bonus of a built-in profit margin—some stars will pay you just to go away.

So, if you want a better life, your best bet is to stalk, sue, or sleep with a celebrity. Just look at how great the lives of Natalie Reid, Brian Quintana. Oh, and folks, nobody really becomes famous for sleeping with a celeb, unless a tape comes out of it.

12 Ways to Remake Your Boring Old Self: Become a Boldface Name [New York]

Ok, a little part of us did die upon deciding to follow a story that will likely end with Fashion Week. (It was the part of us that used to say "there's a limit to F-List coverage.") But something about Fake Paris Hilton has us coming back for more.

It just feels JT Leroy-esque or something. Troubled young teen Natalie Reid dresses up like Paris, and the crazy fashion media people follow her around, increasing the delusion of her non-existent fame? It's awful!

Come on, Faux-Par was still being allowed to traipse around Fashion Week? Not to mention she's having intentional nipple slips on the carpet? We were like "what up with this freak show," so, of course we delved into the fascinating word of her Friendster blog.

Apparently, she has some semi-serious problems, included being depraved of love, battling eating disorders, and being traumatized by sickos who expose themselves on the Lower East Side.

The teen turning woman prose are kind of scary and a little sad (which is probably why she has no Friendsters). We would like to say that there isn't much hope of this one getting on the bloggirl Z-List, but she was a stripper, and she has a blog … who knows? Next month she might be drinking champagne with Miu Von Furstenberg at the Soho Grand.

Donatella Versace Stomps on Marc Jacobs [Open All Night]
Natalie Reid's Friendster Blog
Earlier: Be Fake Paris Hilton's Friendster

Despite Paris Hilton impersonater Natalie Reid's Strawberry Shortcake inspired "lets be friends!" plea, the Friendster member since October '05 has, um, no friends in her network.

We couldn't think of anything more humiliating than having zero friendsters. Except for having a picture of yourself all Parised out on your profile. It's after the jump, kids, along with the link to become her first online friend.

In case you are feeling like a kind-hearted person today. Which obviously, we are not.

CONTINUED »

You would think the owners of Manhattan's most well-known strip club, home to celebrity ass-shakers, and fake celebrity money makers alike, would have thought twice before laundering money. Again.

Harvey Osher and Richard Goldring shuffled millions into shell companies in order to avoid paying taxes. Dudes, you're Scores. People are paying attention. (Especially since one of them, Osher, is already on parole for 2001 money laundering charges.)

And you know who really loses in situations like this? Not just Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss who blow off steam by stripper pole dancing and scratching "Scarlett is a bloody cunt" on the wall, but fake celebrities.

Yep, Paris Hilton's look alike Natalie Reid, (big shocker here) was a stripper at the East Side joint. So, if the whole "being Paris" gig doesn't really work out, she might have to take a job showering for Pacha to pay for those disgusto sunglasses.

'SCORES' BUSTED [Kate Sheehy, New York Post]
PARIS WANNABES SQUARED OFF [Richard Johnson, Page Six]