And such is the life of celebrity DJs: Like the nightspots they spin at, their buzzworthiness has a short shelf life. Take DJ AM, who rocketed on the scene in 2003 when he was dating Nicole Richie. Since their split, he's entertained himself with celebrity trysts that include Mandy Moore, but without a starlet on his arm, his demand has plummeted. Gone are the five-figure fees from clubs in NYC, LA, the Hamptons, and international destinations; instead, corporate gigs, like this week's Palm Centro smartphone launch in out in Beverly Hills, are what's paying the bills. But AM, real name Adam Goldstein, isn't the outlier.

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It wasn't an episode of Ashton Kutcher's forgettable Pop Fiction, but you've got to respect Nicole Richie and Joel Madden's prank on the press: by playing into Star magazine's (false) report that the two were getting married in a $2 million ceremony.

On Saturday, Madden updated GoodCharlotte.com to say "WE DID IT!! NICOLE AND I FINALLY GOT MARRIED!! click here for the pictures!!" And pictures there were: Of a wedding cake, and a, um, gorilla groom and bride, along with a note, "Haha, just kidding."

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Because everything Paris can do, Nicole can do better, the new mama is peddling her own reality show to find … the next Nicole Richie! Sound familiar to Hilton's own show, to find her new BFF? Yes, a bit. But Richie's smart: Seeing her friend secure her own deal is ample evidence networks are eager for this type of fare. In Richie's version, contestants would battle it out to prove they can match Richie's most prolific talent: the ability to become famous for being famous. (Though it helps to have an equally ambitious best friend.) The winner would receive a prize appropriate of her talents: her very own reality show. Reports EW: "Word is at least three cable networks are interested in the pitch." And not to crap on Richie's idea – because, who are we kidding, this show will totally get picked up – but that's sort of like saying, "Yeah, at least three execs have time for a lunch at Spago."

Score one for a lady with no actual career! Nicole Richie's baby photos in People are selling better than Christina Aguilera's, with the tabloid on target to move 1.8 million copies of Harlow Madden.

Meanwhile, Larry Hackett & Co. paid upwards of $2 million for Xtina's pics and sold 1.3 million copies, losing money on the issue; Nicole's are said to have cost half that with a full half million more issues moving.

So what the reverse fiscal smarts?

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Yesterday we mentioned in passing that Paris Hilton was hooking up with Benji Madden. And this was only news because Benji is Joel Madden's twin, and Joel Madden impregnated Nicole Richie, and Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton are ex-bffs.

But allegedly, they're totally for reals and Benji called her "the one."

Since 2008, Paris has been the one, or the one night for, Jared Leto, Simon Rex and Elisha Cuthbert.

Plus, she's been engaged to more people than we have fingers. We're just saying, Paris Hilton cries relationship a lot. We're not going buy her story anymore.

• Improv Everywhere takes on Starbucks with a desk top computer rocking Windows 95.

• Brad Renfro got snubbed at the “In Memoriam” montage because he wasn't famous enough for three seconds of screen time of a four hour program.

• Hey, there just might be something to this whole blogging trend.

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• Avril Lavigne proves she can skank it up for the cover of Maxim just as well as anyone in the cool clique of B-list celebrities.

• Christina Aguilera got a c-section because she wanted to keep her vag tight. Those weren't her words, but what she does say amounts to that.

• Tina Fey is hosting the first post-strike Saturday Night Live.

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden hold onto to their outsider status by getting their coffee some place other than Starbucks.

• "Jamie Lynn Spears Is A Giant Whore" and other things her unborn child probably doesn't want to know.

• Ironic imprisonment of former Prison Break star is less amusing for Lane Garrison than it is for us.

Just how much did People magazine pay for the first photos of Christina Aguilera's baby Max? It depends who you ask — but we've got a very good hunch.

First, remember that no magazine wanted these photos — or wanted them enough. As Jossip relayed two week ago, Christina was looking for a bigger payday than any magazine was willing to offer. She felt her celebrity entitled her to a larger fee; tabloid editors, knowing how poor Xtina sells on the newsstand, couldn't rationalize her demands. (Sales of her naked-pregnant Marie Claire cover weren't so hot. Neither was her wedding in OK!.)

That meant no tabloid published the photos in the week of Max's birth, which is when something like that is, uh, supposed to happen. (Um, Shiloh?)

OK!'s Sarah Ivens was said to be offering the biggest dowry, but then Aguilera's camp insisted whoever bought the photos couldn't run pics of Nicole Richie's new baby at the same time. OK! was bidding for both when Christina dropped that bombshell and, rather than cave to her demands, we understand OK! left the bidding war.

So who's pocketbooks were left? Turns out, just People's; Christina and Max appear on this week's cover, out today. (Somehow they got Page Six to play nice with the details.)

And just how much cash changed hands?

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"Christina has an inflated sense of her own value and seems to expect an extortionate amount of money for these baby pictures," says a bitter source, who might as well work at OK!, speaking to The Scoop. Negotiations between Aguilera and OK! crumbled when when the magazine wouldn't guarantee a full-cover photo of Christina and her baby Max, who she just delivered, because of concerns over newsstand sales. (Supposedly her naked-and-pregnant Elle cover didn't do as well as hoped.)

Which means Aguilera and Jordan Bratman's newborn, after months of being tailed by the paparazzi, is worth less out of the womb than inside: They won't be appearing on the cover of any celebrity tabloid this week.

Or is the real problem that Xtina's photo contract forbids whoever buys her shots from running any pics of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden's new baby girl Harlow Winter?

OH BABY Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera, along with lesser celebrities Courtney Thorne-Smith and David Alan Grier, had babies over the weekend. Is it tacky to start a pool now about which spawn will enter rehab first? [NYP]

BREAKING Nicole Richie is in labor. Currently, Us Weekly doesn't know how many centimeters she has dilated. [US Weekly]

• Breaking: Paris Hilton reportedly told Nicole Richie, "I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’" And by "play together," we're assuming she means "share a coke dealer and periodically pretend-fight to stir up publicity for their trashy reality tv show." Allegedly.

• Oh no! "Geri Halliwell is being forced to leave her 18-month-old daughter Bluebell at home while she and the other Spice Girls prepare to kick off their world tour in Vancouver on Sunday." Either that or she's just, you know, voluntarily putting her own fledgling singing career ahead of her baby's needs.

• Did Jennifer Aniston go under the knife? And, if so, why? After all, doesn't she know she's nothing but hair?

• Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon is officially the highest paid actress in Hollywood. And yet, somehow, not a single cent has gone into a chin reduction. Weird!

• Ladies and gentlemen, Marissa Cooper…like you've never seen her before.

Did Paris Hilton totally sabotage her longtime frenemy Nicole Richie's baby shower? Word has it the crotch-baring heirhead intentionally leaked photos from the posh Beverly Hills affair despite the fact that Richie wanted this to be a private, family affair had already promised exclusive access to InStyle magazine! Sigh. We can't decide who to feel sorrier for in this sad sack scenario. Paris? Nicole? InStyle? Or maybe the next person to be tried by a jury of his/her celeb weekly addicted peers.

• Turns out Cindy Adams was having another one of her senior moments. That whole thing about Nicole Richie chain-smoking wildly despite toting around a giant, protruding unborn baby? Never happened.

• The Arcade Fire to Sasha Frere-Jones: We steal shit from black people all the time!

• Check out the 20 most frightfully anti-gay Halloween costumes. Then imagine a calm, peaceful existence where rampant homophobia only exists but once a year.

• Coolio gets turned down by MTV; inks deal for upcoming reality show with Oxygen network instead.

• As it turns out, there are times when a Sam Adams isn't always a good decision.

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Breaking: Cindy Adams has accused Nicole Richie of smoking while in her third trimester of pregnancy. And despite having a (long) history of being confused, borderline racist and on the brink of senility, Cindy's pretty adamant on this one, claiming Nicole lit up on two separate occasions.

In fact, we're almost inclined to believe her, even though it makes us surprisingly disappointed in Nicole. Shame on you, Nic. And more importantly, shame on us. To think, we had our money on "malnutrition" and "fetal alcohol syndrome" all along.