O.J. Simpson’s PR crime run has paid off. Beaufort Books is printing an additional 50,000 copies of If I Did It. The book is currently No. 2. on the Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com.
Simpson faces a total of 11 charges, including kidnapping. If his “sting operation” defense works, it might be time for a new constitution.
• O.J. Simpson to face one of his greatest all-time fears, namely being tried and convicted of a crime—and sentenced to prison for up to 35 years.
• The Onion's "Israelites Sue God For Breach Of Covenant" is supposed to be funny, but surprisingly, it turns out they're right on the money.
• Meanwhile, devout followers testify in polygamist Warren Jeffs' defense. His wives unanimously rally around him, except #7, who's "on the fence."
• Did Rihanna get plastic surgery? Well, the rumors certainly are rife. And something about those funbags says she ditched the umbrella and went under the knife.
• Vanessa Hudgens divulges a "secret" crush on Matt Damon and brags about her throngs of adoring fans while simultaneously refusing to answer questions about those racy pictures of her cans.
Asked what he would ask O.J. Simpson if he could land the first interview from his Las Vegas jail cell, The Daily Show host Jon Stewart replied: "So this is what it’s like to be Capone? You kill two people and they get you for kicking down a door in Vegas.” [Variety]
The Goldmans can’t say that O.J. Simpson never did anything nice for them. Last week’s bizarre robbery in Las Vegas should do more to help sales of If I Did It than an hour with a disapproving Oprah.
So while Beaufort Books is pumping up for what should be their best selling book of all time—it should do better than Don't Come Back Until You Find It: Tales from an Antiques Dealer—O.J. is sweating it out in a Las Vegas jail waiting for a bail hearing tomorrow morning.
Since he really did do it this time, O.J. can expect to face up to 30 years in jail for each count of armed robbery. But Simpson might get off the hook for the armed robbery charge because his accomplices were carrying weapons, not him. Besides, everyone knows The Juice is not a gun man.
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When you think about it, it's not particularly surprising that acquitted murderer O.J. Simpson would decide to circumvent the not-so-infallible legal system and opt instead for the less conventional "robbing someone at gunpoint" route to recover some modestly priced sports memorabilia (a.k.a. "worthless crap") that he claims is rightfully his.
What's more astonishing, however, is that this time, Simpson didn't ditch the would-be murder weapon, hop the red-eye to Chicago, burn all the evidence of his crime in a giant burlap sack and vow to catch the real killer armed robber so much as allow the entire crime to be tape-recorded for posterity…and posted on TMZ.
No, not that. The other thing. [CNN]
Earlier:
Repeat Offender? OJ Simpson Is Like The Murderer Who Cried 'Wolf'
O.J. Simpson was interrogated by Las Vegas police in connection with a robbery that took place at a hotel/casino. Simpson reportedly tried to use the old "That racist cop Mark Fuhrman is trying to frame me!" excuse again, but when that failed, he changed tactics and admitted, "I only do homicide." [Stereohyped]
Fred Goldman, the long-suffering father of Ron Goldman is stopping by Oprah's revolving couch today to promote -slash-deplore the "hypothetical" confession written by "actual" murderer O.J. Simpson. And apparently, he's decided to let the book speak for itself.
Goldman hasn't changed a word of the text or the title. But, in a stinging bit of irony, he has reduced the size of the word "If" to the level of the microscopic.
To be fair, we wouldn't really call that "a stinging bit of irony" so much as "stating the obvious" and "making utterly fantastic usage of the oft-overlooked teeny font."
Either way, we're still not reading it.
"Should readers boycott O.J. Simpson's book If I Did It when the proceeds are going directly to the family of victim Ron Goldman?" Denise Brown thinks so. The Goldman family (obviously) disagrees. Legal expert Julie Hilden is on hand to explore the quirky moral dilemma inherent in buying a book that was originally written with the express intent of capitalizing on a gruesome double-murder. [FL]
No, no, not him. It was some Polish writer. [AP]
Good news Jews and book sellers! Oprah, America’s arbitrator of literary taste, will be hosting be the Brown vs. Goldman knock out. The episode will air on September 13, which is also the Jewish New Year. Along with apples and honey, If I Did It will also hit bookstores Internet bookstores on Rosh Hashanah.
By Yom Kippur all the copies should be half off.
Oh, Portfolio. Much like the new kid who claims to have been a star at his old high school only to prove himself a doofus in a matter of moments, Portfolio came out talking a big game and then wrote "a boring exposé" on how a cellist pays for his instrument.
But perhaps the only thing less breaking than Franz Lidz’s 5000 word piece on George Steinbrenner is that Portfolio is bad. Really, really bad. Even with high profile writers and editors, the only thing the magazine has going for it is a crackerjack design team.
And like making fun of the new guy, covering Portfolio's blunders is what all the cool kids are doing. So yesterday, when a freelance writer (and failed start-up blogger) suggested that Tina Brown replace Joanne Lipman, the reaction was as if the order had come from S.I. Newhouse himself.
We’d never go as far to say Jon Friedman is right, but maybe the coverage of Portfolio has gone too far. After all, there are other stories moving at a glacial pace to mull over.
The massive book retailer chain previously responsible for driving The Little Shop Around The Corner out of business (and establishing a mass-partnership with the most annoyingly expensive coffee chain of all time) has seemingly woken up on the self-righteous side of bed this morning.
In a surprising move, the unscrupulous corporate powerhouse—best known for jacking up the prices and selling $15 bookmarks—has announced that they won't be hocking copies of O.J.'s hypothetical double-homicide confession.
'Could it be?' we wondered. 'Has the evil book conglomerate suddenly developed a conscience? Are they truly putting the 'noble' back in 'Barnes and Noble?'
The answer, of course, was a resounding no.
Apparently, someone's actually decided to publish O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It!"
Unfortunately, however, in an age where gratuitous violence dominates mainstream television, the ho-hum details of Simpson's mid-90's double-murder may actually prove to be too blasé for today's market.
Still to be determined: Why anyone would actually go ahead and buy the book when they already know how it ends.
[AP]
• Cartoonists around the country raise their pens, grab their sketchbooks and blast Barry Bonds in angry cerebral comic strip solidarity.
• Congratulations to steroid impresario Jose Canseco, who may have succeeded in effectively ruining professional sports.
• From Idolator: "The next issue of Rolling Stone has as its cover subject High School Musical cutie/frequent Bop subject Zac Efron, who is captured in an awkward pose that looks like he's sheepishly feeling himself up while showing off his Tegan and Sara-inspired haircut."
• O.J. Simpson still having trouble grasping the whole "I owe $38 million to the parents of that guy I murdered" concept.
According to MSNBC (and O.J. Simpson's ghostwriter, Pablo Fenjves) Simpson played a more than hypothetical role in the packaging of his ill-fated confessional, "If I Did It."
"O.J. read the book, his book, several times. I made every change he asked for, and he signed off on it," Fenjves, a Hollywood screenwriter told Reuters on Thursday.
"The whole book, the whole idea for a book, originated with O.J. Simpson and a couple of his handlers," he said.
Wait, so Simpson masterminded the idea of a writing a hypothetical confession for a violent double-homicide set in the mid-1990's that culminated in the deaths of his wife and her then-lover, Ron Goldman?
Writers today…where do they get their ideas?
From People: "Jessica Simpson Turns Down 'Porn Star' Role." 'We were promised we would win an Oscar with that,' says father-manager-idiot Joe Simpson. "I was like, 'Eh, we'll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.'"
• Backstreet's back… again.
• We hear intergalactic travel is so much better when you're wasted.
• We always felt bad for the youngest son on Home Improvement. Twelve years later, we still do.
• O.J. Simpson's maybe, sorta confessional is now available…at a home computer near you.
• ALLLLVIN- Was this not the worst idea ever?
Sometimes, when we're skimming the morning paper in between intermittently pretending to work, we come across a paragraph that's so blatantly ridiculous on so many levels that it's nearly impossible for us to keep on reading without accidentally spilling piping hot coffee all over ourselves.
Such was the case with this O.J. Simpson anecdote, which tells the story of an easily manipulated maybe-murderer, drowing his sorrows with copious amounts of booze.
O.J. Simpson has been hitting the bottle since he was tricked into semi-confessing to double-murder last year with his "If I Did It" book project. Simpson was at The Ivy in Aventura, Fla., the other night "falling all over himself and couldn't stand up, even though he tried several times," said our disgusted spy. "He started screaming for everyone in the restaurant to go with him to Mansion [in Miami]. I don't think anyone took him up on it."
Afterwards we were almost rendered speechless…Well, almost.
Ron Goldman's family has purchased the rights to O.J. Simpson's If I Did It as part of some twisted deal where they can hope to profit from the gruesome fictionalized tale of how their loved one was killed. But it's not just that the Goldmans now have the right to publish the book Rupert Murdoch gave his stamp of approval on. "The Goldmans own the copyright, media rights and movie rights," reports the AP. "They also acquired Simpson's name, likeness, life story and right of publicity in connection with the book, according to court documents. The Goldmans want to rename the book Confessions of a Double Murderer and plan to shop it around to publishers."
Sure, O.J.'s attorneys are fighting it — but who isn't looking forward to the eventual New York Times Book Review ads featuring The Juice, a speech bubble, and the book's title?
• A friend swears OJ Simpson didn't do it! The book, not the double homicide, obvi.
• Only Barry Bonds' mistress knows the truth about those so-called "performance enhancing" drugs.
• John Stamos pulls a Paula Abdul, which is to say he slurs his way through a television interview then attributes it to being "jet-lagged."
• Nintendo hires Nicole Kidman to demonstrate that even attractive people who've had lots of plastic surgery enjoy video games.
• Hugh Grant may be back together with heiress Jemima Khan, If so, he may or may not have popped the question, in which case Khan conceivably answered with either a "yes" or a "no."
• If Al Gore was actually running for president, he'd never allow his daughter to have a Beverly Hills 90210 inspired wedding.
Editorial Director
