Salim Hamdan was just sentenced to five and half years for chauffeuring Osama bin Laden through McDonald's drive-thrus, or whatever the Afghani equivalent is, while he plotted the 9/11 attacks. Hamdan has been holed up in Guantanamo Bay for over five years without a trial, so he's actually eligible for release in five months, although Bush & Co. have threatened to hold him indefinitely after he has served him time. The media has been all over the story because 1) Not every programming minute can be filled by the Olympics; and 2) It potentially sets a precedent for suspected terrorists to receive something looking like a fair trial.
ANYWAY, this story has been blasted to death, but is not dead yet! Much like Oliver Stone's treatment of the Bush dynasty in W, Hamden's story has been optioned for film a little too soon for comfort. Like, jeez, this story has been around for five years but has only gained momentum in the last month or so, which is right around the time that hunky leading man and bad motorcyclist George Clooney bought the rights to The Challenge, journalist Jonathan Mahler's tale of the indicted Yemenite. Can't we let the headline cool, and its effects settle in, before ripping it into a feature? CONTINUED »
Chris Matthews. Dan Rather. That daytime anchor on CNN. Who hasn't made the simple mistake of confusing the potential next leader of the free world and the man who wants to end said free world? No, we don't actually believe these newscasters think the two men are one in the same, but with just a single letter separating their names, the brain can play tricks on ya! So: A primer on how to tell them apart.
A third man, and second copy cat, has climbed the New York Times building in the name of attracting publicity. Why someone cannot climb this building quietly, on his own time, and without narcissistically attracting the media's attention is a question we'll never answer. But Connecticut resident and college drop out David Malone spent the early hours of the morning climbing up the building's facade, making it only to the 11th floor so he could hang a banner over the first "T" the the newspaper's logo; the banner showed Osama Bin Laden holding George Bush like a puppet with the words "Bin Laden's Plan," which just so happens to be the name of his book and website ("CRUSADER BAITING IS AMERICA'S GREATEST NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT"). The NYPD showed up and, bowing to Malone's request, had a reporter from the New York Daily News, and not, um, the Times, come on over for a brief interview as Malone climbed down to the fifth floor to shout his talking points. The same ones you could've read on his website. [NYDN]
On Monday's Hardball, Chris Matthews played host to an over-the-shoulder graphic of Osama bin Laden. Problem being: He was talking about Barack Obama.
As your extensive research may have concluded, these two men are A) not related; B) have never met nor spoken; C) likely have only one thing in common, which is "take down Hillary."
The backlash over the mix-up was quite audible, as perhaps it should have been. Confusing the two is nothing new for MSNBC, nor the cable industry as a whole.
But if there's always such uproar about these mixups, why aren't cable networks taking more precautions to ensure they don't have to field angry emails from campaign press operatives? Why do they keep giving Media Matters a reason to call them out? CONTINUED »
Seven days after CNN/Time Warner ended its 27-year relationship with Reuters, the wire service obtained exclusive footage of the latest videotape released by Osama bin Laden. As a result, FNC and MSNBC beat CNN by over 30 minutes, showing the grainy video on endless loop before CNN finally got their hands on the tape…by striking a deal with Al Jazeera. [NYT]
In honor of the six-year anniversary of 9/11, GMA anchor Chris Cuomo heads to Pakistan to "bring viewers reports on the ongoing hunt for Osama bin Laden and the continuing war on terror." Really, has it been six years already? Wow…sounds like that hunt's been going pre-tty well. [TVNewser]
• Only days after finding God, Paris Hilton is already looking forward to her spiritual reawakening/out of jail Vegas bash.
• Ryan Phillippe's little girl is growing up so fast. In fact, she already looks just like that gorgeous actress he cheated on.
• Bobby Brown is still convinced that deranged Whitney fan Osama Bin Laden is out to get him.
• Meanwhile, the Butterscotch Stallion rides his mountain bike all the way Scores.
• Also, when Anne Heche isn't flirting with every girl in sight, she's draping herself over Ethan Hawke.
• Dermot Mulroney is officially done being married to actress Catherine Keener. But he still plans to watch her edgy indy flicks religiously on DVD.
As Intern Wendy will have you know, it's been a string of doozies for the cable network chattering class. With this election thing going down, it seems all they can talk about is politics. Well, except on Nancy Grace, where nothing close to reality is ever discussed.
• "In fact, if ever find bin Laden, put in a room with Naomi, justice will be served. She’ll end up in a burka and he’ll be dead." Michael Musto, betting Naomi Campbell could beat Osama bin Laden senseless, Countdown, October 26
• "Studying the masturbation habits of old men? . . . What about Vietnamese hookers? Do you have a problem with those? . . . What about transvestite Eskimos. Is there a single one in your district?" Tucker Carlson, asking the questions voters really care about, Tucker, October 26
• "Well, Gloria Allred, it's a good thing that here in America, just because someone disapproves of your lifestyle, they can`t boot you out of country, huh? … I frankly think you would have been gone a long time ago, Gloria." Nancy Grace, planning to send Gloria Allred to the Bahamas, Nancy Grace, October 26
• "If you are a serious journalist, you want to report the news. Sometimes the news is good, sometimes the news isn't so good." Wolf Blitzer, explaining to Lynne Cheney why he doesn't work for Fox News, The Situation Room, October 27
• "I sometimes listen to Don Imus in the morning on the grounds that, whatever is going to happen to me during the day, it can't be as bad as what's been said about me first thing in the morning while I'm shaving." Dick Cheney, revealing why Don Imus has job security at MSNBC, Your World With Neil Cavuto, October 30
• "It's like a telethon without a disease." Jack Cafferty, pondering Wolf Blitzer's marathon election coverage, The Situation Room, October 30
• Your morning dose of softball poetry is not complete without this gem: "Salmon were born to swim upstream, against diversity." Losing has always inspired great prose. [NYO]
• The narcissistic New York media is too busy looking in the mirror to pay attention to things on the west coast. No joke, we're just reiterating this incredibly profound insight. [SF Gate]
• The summer of the Rolling Stone interns is coming to a close. We want to care, but we're too busy trying to create a profile on Theo Wenner's social networking site. [Gawker]
• Um, this is either a huge stretch for gossip, or the world actually is much sicker than we could ever imagine. Osama Bin Laden's crush on Whitney Houston is about as much as we can handle. [Page Six]
• We love our gossip … but Julianne Moore and her kids' dead puppy? Widdicombe, you're killing us! [Gatecrasher]
• Osama Bin Laden's niece shows us what life is like in the world of an aspiring singer. Next week, Charles Manson's cousin's step-daughter will take us into the never before seen life of a wannabe model. [Book Standard]
• Even if he is a nerd, he might be a nerd with a Pulitzer. Kids, get those travel with Nicholas Kristof applications in ASAP. [E&P]
• The Scripps Howard Foundation National Journalism Awards are here. And the New York Times is not. [AP via Romenesko]
• Andrew Essex's assistants reconfirm that in this industry, connections get you everywhere. [WWD]
• Which is why we went to Jim Kelly's party. (Even though all we managed to do was break glasses, scare Jon Friedman, and talk to mostly unimportant people who don't end up in the Boldface column.) [NYT]
• TV anchors don't really want to cover Mardi Gras in New Orleans. [TVNewser]
• Russel Crowe and Nicole Kidman are hooking up again — chill guys, it's just for a movie. [People]
• After leaving her shoeless and alone on Valentine's Day, Ron Perlman throws some cash at Ellen Barkin, hoping he won't look like such an ass. [NYDN]
• Vice found Osama Bin Laden and nobody even noticed. Damn fake Anthrax. [Fishbowl, NY]
• Lee Tamahori, the cross-dressing hooker/director, pleads no contest to prostitution charges. His punishment? He has to go and learn about how prostitutes and trannies get AIDS. [TMZ]
In addition to imaginary WMDs, Nacho Cheese Doritos, and caves, we now find out a few more tidbits on everyone's favorite forgotten terrorist, Osama Bin Laden.
Wherever he is, Bin Laden's got cable, and he loves him some Larry King Live. Oh, yep, he's a "news junkie." He also likes feta cheese, and has a hot socialite niece trying to make a modeling career in New York.
Apparently, he also has a death wish. When you're the only one in Pakistan with cable and feta cheese, you'd think you'd have it pretty good, but, Peter Bergen, author of The Osama Bin Laden I know says not so much:
"There is no evidence that he's dead. If Osama were dead, Al Qaeda would get up on the rooftops and say: 'At last, he finally got his wish.'"
Um, ok, so maybe that was Bush's logic. Apparently it's really not as much fun hunting down some guy who watches Larry King Live and wants to die. Hits too close to home, maybe?
Osama Bin Laden, cable guy [Rush & Molloy, NYDN]
Yes, but what do you think the album art is going to look like? Think Osama Bin Laden can score some of those $10,000 diamond eyelashes that Madonna is sporting on her "Sorry" single?
• Why can't Jack Shafer and Martin Peretz just play nice? [Slate]
• Really, those boys better bury the hatchet — or they're going to end up like Walter Cronkite and Alan Abel. [Page Six]
• A newbie joins Jann Wenner's staff. Here's to hoping he knows how to organize his pencils just so. [Revolving Door]
• So, Michael Leeden thinks Osama Bin Laden is dead, and nobody noticed but Wonkette? [NRO, Wonkette]
• What is fabulosity? Even better, who freakin' cares? [Kirkus Reviews]
Editorial Director
