• Oh, God. Now we understand why Britney Spears' boobs were hangin' out all over the place during her Matt Lauer interview. Leslie Sloane Zelnick left her to attempt functioning by herself. [Page Six]

• Nicole Richie's dad won't buy her a yacht until she weighs at least three pounds more than the lifevest. [Scoop]

• Lindsay Lohan seems to be pissing off a few Jews. Bad idea if you're trying to make it in Hollywood, sweetie. [Egotastic]

• In an extremely bizarre encounter, Paris Hilton meets the man who has her storage locker full of sex toys and baby photos … and gives the skeeve her autograph. [R&M]

• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban finally tie the knot down under. We wonder if it really was a shotgun wedding? [AP]