There are just so many things wrong with the picture at left, which features this caption: “Pamela Anderson Does Lunch At KFC For The New Faux Chicken Sandwich on August 4, 2008 in Vancouver, B.C.”
Hugh Hefner generously announced today that naked Miley Cyrus would be nakedly "welcomed in [his] magazine" full of naked ladies—when she's of age, of course. [Us] This isn't the first time that the doddering coot, or his kin, pulled such a stunt, knowing full well the offer would get a write up in the gossip columns, but that the starlets would never agree. Below, a look back at some of the million dollar deals, made by creepy old men, and Joe Francis, that never were. CONTINUED »
• We're bad with make-up ourselves, but we're pretty sure Pamela Anderson did something wrong here.
• Britney & Adnad: The break-up video. Hey, it's more appealing than the sex video.
• J. Lo looks kind of conical, but has a nice glow.
• A round-up of Matthew McConaughey exercise pictures. Enjoy them now before he starts gaining sympathy weight.
• Hollywood has aged Lindsay Lohan. Her breasts, along with her tolerance for drugs and alcohol, were among the victims.
• Despite the time difference, Australians have been out and about lately.
• Not hot: Jenna Jameson's augmented breasts.
• Naomi Campbell dating Hugo Chavez? Well, they have terrorism in common.
• Britney Spears might marry bf Adnan Ghalib. Take if from Pam Anderson: third time's not the charm.
• Shocker: Lindsay Lohan has a new beau.
• OMG!!! HSM3 is happening 4sur!
• Free time + photoshop = pictures of celebrities on money.
For the second time is in as many weeks, Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Rick Salomon. With a shared proclivity for failed marriages and sex tapes, we can't believe these two couldn't make it work.
[Photo Credit: WireImage]
• Courtney Cox doesn't have the much of an ass.
• Coco Chanel probably never planned on Pamela Anderson wearing her designs or anything she made being shown in Vegas.
• OK! continues to be the magazine of choice for stars not secure enough with their career prospects to abstain from selling wedding pictures to pay for their future children's college education.
• Smart thinking: Slash wouldn't let his kids near Michael Jackson.
• Celebrity babies: People find them interesting!
• Jossip's New Year's party in pictures, with pink stars.1
[Photo Credit: WireImage]
• We might worship different Gods, but anyone can appreciate a Britney crotch shot figurine.
• Spears family etiquette says giving a figurine of your own crotch is in bad taste, so Britney looks for baby clothes for her little sister.
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• Salt Lake City should be known for more than its Mormonism. It's pretty vain, too. Whether Forbes should be known as anything other than a collection of lists and the business magazine that's not Fortune is still TBD.
• Damning with faint praise: vitiligo sufferers get a better role model than Michael Jackson.
• Journalism isn't all bleak. Sometimes people get awards. Today we got cupcakes, which is sort of like an award for fatties.
• For all the states that are teaching abstinence-only sex-education, how many people do you know who are practicing it?
• Happy tenth birthday blogsphere!
• Pam Anderson and H-3 divorce. Psyche. But seriously, they will get divorced again soon.
Sometimes a good headline (and a cup of Dunkin' Donuts hazelnut coffee) makes our morning. Like this Daily News overachiever, for instance: " Pam's wedding in a class by itself."
Which, admittedly, becomes a whole lot more awesome after you read on and discover that the first two lines are: "The bride wore a white denim miniskirt and calls the groom "scum," and the wedding cake was made of cardboard. Welcome to holy matrimony, Pam Anderson-style."
Well played, Zuckerman. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan is "weeding out all the bad" in her life by spending five days alone with her newly rehabilitated deadbeat dad.
• Ben Affleck blames his entire lackluster film career on JLo's derriére.
• Have you guys seen the grainy photograph of two people who could, conceivably, vaguely resemble Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom wearing nothing but their swimsuits? Clearly, they're fucking.
• Kim Cattrall is apparently not over her mostly one-sided feud with Sarah Jessica Parker. Fortunately, both girls are consummate professionals and are determined to put aside their differences long enough to wrap the SATC movie and live off the royalties for the rest of time.
• On the one hand, Pamela Anderson is marrying Paris Hilton's ex-lover. On the other hand, the same could probably be said about 75% of the women in Hollywood.
• This innovative street art does nothing to "curb" our enthusiasm.
In 1998, Pamela Anderson was "humiliated" after a sex tape of her and her well-endowed rock hubby gets stolen by video bandits who wanted zero money, jewels or valuables and ONLY videos of Pamela Anderson getting it on. So what's she been up to lately? "
'She parties almost every night,' our source said. 'She drinks, she does stuff . . . and she’s got hepatitis C.'" Worse still, she's dating Rick Salomon, best known for making a sex tape with Paris Hilton and accidentally leaking it.
Come on, Pam! Live and learn! It's like George W. Bush once said:
There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again.
Or, put another way: You're 40 years-old. It's officially time to stop tape-recording your sex.
• Sharon Stone accidentally confuses her dress with a used tampon.
• Jared Leto finally shares his weight loss secret: curry powder and mediocre romps in the sack.
• We never thought we'd actually say this, but Amanda Peet could actually (gulp) benefit from the overpriced services of vapid raisin-face Rachel Zoe.
• Ozzy Osbourne reminds us all you need is sex, drugs, rock n' roll and…Botox?
• A bikini clad Pamela Anderson shows us, Kid Rock why she's still worth sucker-punching Tommy Lee smack in the middle of Alicia Keys' performance at the VMA's for.
• Apparently, the downside to being one of the numerous third world street urchins adopted by Brangelina is you have to sleep in their bed. (Or wait, was that the upside?)
Kid Rock and Tommy Lee duked it out last night in an anticlimactic "scuffle" over a woman comprised predominantly of silicone. Asked for his thoughts immediately following the kerfuffle, Lee replied, "What kind of guy comes up and punches someone when Alicia Keys is performing?" [Mollygood]
• "No fair!" whined a totally jealous Ashley Olsen. "If Mary-Kate gets to suck face with a 63 year-old bald guy, then so do I!" Unfortunately, repeated calls (and "9-1-1" text-messages) to Telly Savalas went unanswered.
• There's an old expression that goes "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Which still doesn't explain why Sienna Miller invited her new leading man over to her London flat for a romantic homemade dinner of….beef stew.
• Tom Cruise out for a stroll with his identical hair-twin/wife.
• Jesse Metcalfe has dreams of becoming "the next James Blunt." Which is to say, a lanky, shaggy-haired doofus who inexplicably bangs much-hotter chicks. Hey, you know, we can actually kind of see it.
&bulll; This one goes out to the ones who love "Pamela [Anderson] and her deformed funbags."
• Nicole Richie says she doesn't care if gains 40 or even 50 pounds during pregnancy, so long as she can go back to throwing up after every meal as soon as it's all over.
• "Just where does one acquire a stunning transparent sumo-inspired kimono like the one seen here on Britney Spears?" wonder our friends over at Yeeeah. "I’m guessing some place super-classy, like 'Great Big Geishas' or 'Fook Mi’s Big Happy Smile Poonanny Palor.' Um, we're guessing you're right.
• Lindsay Lohan's B-cups runneth over.
• Denise Richards wants Charlie Sheen to be the father sperm donor of their children.
• Naomi Campbell drops her cell phone underneath her chaise lounge, then makes her assistant pick it up for her, so she can throw it at him.
• Pamela Anderson is dating a nerdy magician version of herself.
• Pamela Anderson and David Spade?? Seriously, is there any way this guy's secret weapon doesn't rhyme with "roofies?"
• Who cares if Fergie was lip synching or not? We're calling her out on those fugly yellow pants.
• Muggle Daniel Radcliffe still hotter than Rupert Grint.
• Who knew that people still wanted to see Cameron Diaz act? (And, no, "pretending to be over Justin Timberlake" doesn't count).
• For someone who hates ending up in the tabloids, Mischa Barton sure lights up her fair share of doobies.
• We're not quite sure when dancing actually went out of style, but according to the Grey Lady, it's totally back.
• During the Swedish leg of his world tour, Justin Timberlake found time to hump Jessica Biel, spit on his fans, and scream, "You want me to juggle also?" at a little girl who shyly asked to take his picture.
• Kate Moss' boots were made for walking. Too bad the same can't be said about her unsightly old-lady legs.
• Matt Lauer interviews Pamela Anderson's crotch.
• Cameron Diaz wants to swap careers with Jack Black while somehow maintaining her body type.
• Hulk Hogan dabbled in the art of fake-wrestling, so it's only natural that his daughter would dabble in the art of fake breast implants.
• Eddie Murphy is officially a deadbeat dad, and an ass. Except we already knew that.
• Isaiah Washington claims "they fired the wrong guy," prompting ABC executives to say, "Oh my God, he's right. We never realized until he just said that! (Pause.) We're kidding, of course."
• Are we the only ones who think Pamela Anderson's way too old to be parading around in a skintight silver bathing suit? We'll take that deafening silence as a "yes."
• Elisha Cuthbert continues to be inconsistently sexy.
• British people are pissed to discover that Bridget Jones is actually an emaciated Hollywood actress.
Hey, remember back in 1995, when everyone was clambering to get their greedy little hands on videotapes of these two gorgeous celebrities having hot, passionate sex?
Yeah, neither do we.
• According to Pamela Anderson, "40 is the new 20." Which is funny, because that's exactly what her plastic surgeon said.
• Matthew McConaughey convinces C-list actresses to "take off their tops" for the sake of art.
• LSD has always been known for its psychedelic goodness. But who knew its lesser known side effects include amazing 60's hair??
• Ashley Olsen continues to adhere to her all-Starbucks diet.
• These pics of Enrique Iglesias with Anna Kournikova remind us that even second-rate tennis stars aren't immune to "settling."
Editorial Director
