Oh come on, you knew this day was coming. The day where you'd have to tear down all your Ryan Seacrest posters, scribble out his name in your notebooks, and stop planning for the time when you two could own all forms of media, forever and ever amen.
The day has arrived where there finally exists photographic evidence of Ryan Seacrest's alleged metrosexuality in action, with American Idol's Randy Jackson no less:
This picture is the opposite of Yum-o. This picture, however, is the definition of going full homo. No straight man can be in the same room with suspected terrorist Rachael Ray for that long, even if it is a synergistic promotion for both of your shows. (American Idol debuts on Monday and the Rachel Ray Show never ends. Ever.)
No longer satisfied with only a three-ring circus, the producers of American Idol have added a cast member to the eighth season that won't be auditioning. Songwriter Kara DioGuardi has been named as a fourth permanent judge on AI (unlike Mark McGrath or whoever they have filling in every once in awhile) along with the old stalwarts of Simon, Paula, and Randy.
Says the show's executive producer Cecile Frot-Coutaz. "We had originally intended for American Idol to have four judges. We've seen from our international series that having a fourth judge creates a dynamic that benefits both the contestants and the viewers." Deciphered, this means: "We know Kara's done some work at the Phoenix House, so we're hoping we can write off Paula's stay there as a tax-break."
At American Idol, everyone looks out for each other. Or at least producers look out for their star talent, which is why last night it was written into Ryan Seacrest's limited script that he must come to Paula Abdul's defense, and quiet those rumors that blossomed after Tuesday night's "Was that one performance or two?" disaster.
Wait — what rumors? As if you have to ask.
Despite the clipping service's buggy (and browser-crashing) player, RedLasso is always on the ball. Which is why, after TiVo-speeding our way through last night's American Idol and catching Paula Abdul mistake a single performance by Jason Castro for, um, two performances, we knew we could check our inbox within moments and the clip would be there. Indeed, it was. CONTINUED »
MTV "currently no plans to play the video" for "Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow," the new single from Paula Abdul that's done less to resurrect her career than Hey Paula. MTV's decision might suggest the network is actually in tune with the tastes of the youth generation, but don't get ahead of yourself: Abdul's label never even submitted the video for consideration. [OK! via Scoop] CONTINUED »
Even if you hate Paula Abdul, and there are plenty of legitimate reasons to do so, you still have to respect her for admitting her new video sucks. According to a source, "She doesn’t think it’s Heidi Montag-bad, but she’s still trying to pretend like it didn’t happen."
Oxford English Dictionary editors, take note:
Heidi Montag \adjective\ Hi-DE-Mon-TOG
:Of or relating to a bad music video
• A letter to the editor of the New Yorker is a little self-serious, even for the New Yorker. Turns out that nice image above is scientifically impossible. Also, that cat would totally get trampled.
• Lesbian hands look like straight women's hands, only a little more wrinkly.
• Even with all the real-life spoilers, the extended season of The Hills looks really good.
• Shocker: The Gene Simmons sex tape is gross. That said, his lady friend is quite flexible.
• No American should idolize Paula Abdul after her new video. See what we did?
• Pink keeps up the pretense that divorce isn't heart-wrenching. You know, she's doing it for the kids. What a role model.
This entire clip is for the win.
• Paula Abdul and her much-younger boyfriend call it quits. We're guessing he's all too familiar with her propensity for spontaneous crying and blaming her drunken brawls on nighttime cold meds.
• Rachel Weisz explores her outdoorsy side.
• Pierce Brosnan unleashes years of pent-up British repression by assaulting a photog. Agent 007 would sooo not approve.
• Rosie awkwardly hits up Martha Stewart for a job, belatedly discovers that the "I visited you in the clink" line doesn't always work.
• Tracey Edmonds suffers short-term memory loss, mistakes Eddie Murphy for a doting dad.
• Birthday girl Ashlee Simpson treats herself to an 80's prom. Except this time around, she's the belle of the ball instead of just an unborn fetus.
• Sienna Miller isn't dating "that gross dude from Notting Hill." They're just sporting matching tattos. And wearing the exact same size in women's jeans.
• Raise your hand if you think Paula Abdul is ready to procreate. Hmmm, let's try this again. Raise your hand if you're someone other than Paula Abdul.
• Demi Moore lets too much time elapse in between Botox appointments.
• Pervy manager Lou Perlman gives us another reason to "just say no" to boy bands.
• Even gorgeous movies stars instinctively suck in their tummies when cute (if effeminate) boys are around.
• Cameron Diaz has an unglamorous Marilyn Monroe moment. Fortunately, the cameras are right there to capture it.
Last week, we watched, transfixed, as Paula Abdul burst into tears after getting fired from a D-list movie production,* (presumably, for being a mentally unstable has-been) and then screamed "You guys, please! I'm trying to tell a GODDAMNED STORY!" during an otherwise boring episode of her reality television show, Hey Paula. At the time, a misty-eyed Paula wanted to know if God was even listening—you know, cause everything in her life was kind of going down the crapper?
Anyways, just when you thought Paula had hit rock bottom (seriously, with this one, how do you really know for sure?) comes a crazy full-frontal haiku assault instigated by none other than Rosie O'Donnell—the ex-View co-host and professional celebrity feuder—who attacks Paula the only way she knows how: through pseudo-intellectual free verse.
And now it's time for…Paula Abdul sobbing uncontrollably for no particular reason. Okay, fine, there's ostensibly a reason (something about getting fired or demoted or something?) but we don't really get it because Paula's about as coherent here as she is after three of those trademark "painkiller martinis."
Either way, it hardly matters. One hardly needs context to appreciate this moving footage of a tear-stricken Paula throwing a temper tantrum, and angrily questioning her belief in God.
Crazy? Yes. Repetitive? Yes. But it's worth sticking through until the bitter end, when Paula's obligatory annoying friends try to console her, only to be interrupted by a hysterical Paula, who yells, "You guys, please! I'm trying to tell a GODDAMN STORY!"
[via INO]
* Although maybe we should start!
• Paris Hilton's definition of contrition apparently involves SPF 8 and a skimpy green bikini.
• When you squint your eyes and look at Ozzy Osbourne from a certain angle, it almost looks as though he's sleeping with Ashton Kutcher.
• Lindsay Lohan is not pleased that the results of her toxicology tests were leaked, hence the whole "I'm totally taking this second stint in rehab more seriously" PR blitz.
• We've all heard the old saying (and a crappy 80's pop song) "opposites attract." And yet, for whatever reason, the smart, sober demographic failed to tune in for the premiere of Paula Abdul's new reality show.
• Before you judge Rebecca Gayheart for grabbing her hubby's crotch in public, just ask yourself how much restraint you'd have if you were married to Dr. McSteamy.
• Paula Abdul to write a self-help book for teens. Publishing insiders expect the result to be "straight-up crappy."
• Celebrities continue to disappoint with boring, unimaginative baby names.
• Beyonce shows off the best bikini bod that money—and an appointment with Dr. 90210—can buy.
• 50's housewife Katie "Thunderthighs" Holmes hits the beach with her suddenly ubiquitous daughter, Suri.
• David Beckham celebrates Real Madrid's league championship by spending the evening with his wife's breast implants.
As we write this, we’re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside, currently being wasted on lazy unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we’ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called “Comment of the Day,” to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.
Today’s “Comment of the Day” comes to us from The Superficial, and it regards Paula Abdul's recent lament that she's being treated like "a piece of dog s—."
As always, the comments from the peanut gallery were both entertaining and en pointe.
Editorial Director
