• On seeing this picture of his ex-fiancée and current GF Heidi Montag posed on all fours, Spencer Pratt thought to himself, "now this looks familiar."

• Trying to seem smart by taking a stand on the writers strike, Joaquin Phoenix ends up looking like a misguided first grader, and misspells his name.

• For our money, Brian Austin Green peaked during the later college years of 90210. Everything that came before and after was for not.

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• Actress/mascara model Penelope Cruz is nothing but a thin-lashed fraud. And that's not the only thing fake about her. (Um, yeah, like that phony accent is real!)

• Buy your celebrity bobblehead today! Or just stare at pictures of Nicole Richie and Rachel Zoe instead.

• Dakota Fanning is growing up before our very eyes! First come the skinny jeans, then before you know it, the coke-fueled driving under the influence (and with a suspended license) charges.

• Ali Lohan comes to big sister Lindsay's defense, characterizes Michael Lohan as a deadbeat dad (well, obvs) and defends Dina Lohan's parenting style as "more than adequite."

• Check it out! It's Denise Richards in a bikini without "that greasy douche from Bon Jovi."

• Penelope Cruz's sister steals the spotlight from her maybe-lesbian older sibling.

• Justin Timberlake gets back to his roots by opening his own white trash restaurant.

• Ironically, Christina Aguilera actually hates it when people fight "dirty."

• Hairspray cast strikes a pose. Interestingly, half the cast is either balding or completely hairless.

• AC Slater running shirtless on the beach makes Jesse Spanow wish she were a little less of an uptight frigid bitch.

• Holy obesity, Batman! This dude ate Val Kilmer!

• Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the craziest Hollwood mom of all? [Spoiler: It's Dina Lohan.]

• Penelope Cruz and her seemingly identical sister to start their very own clothing line. Which should make it even easier for Janice Min/the rest of the world to tell them apart.

• Kirsten Drunkst: doing what she does best.

• And this, children, is why you should never, ever have liposuction.

• Ashlee Simpson goes 36 hours without drinking which can only mean one thing: Yep, she's dead. Kidding! The correct answer is "she's knocked up and possibly engaged."

[Photo: CelebrityBabylon]

"Penelope Cruz uses her purse as protection from the rain as she walks through the streets of New York City with actor Javier Bardem."

Translation: A crazed Penelope Cruz turns her purse into a deadly weapon and tries to kill an annoying Tim Allen lookalike, who had the audacity to ask Cruz why she was wearing "mom jeans."

What's even more embarrassing than wearing a thong bikini on the beach and getting snapped by photographers?

Answer: Copping a holier than thou attitude with all the other celebrity weeklies, and then triumphantly mistaking Penelope Cruz for her non-famous younger sister.

Oops.

Though, in Janice Min's defense, she's not the first person to get the Cruz sisters mixed up.* She's just the first one to do it after getting all uppity and self-righteous about her trashy, factually incorrect and "it's a lawsuit waiting to happen" tabloid.

*According to her Wikipedia entry, Cruz has "a younger brother, Eduardo, a singer, and a younger sister, Monica, who closely resembles her: a similarity exploited for some Spanish TV ads."

• In a bizarre, tape-recorded mental breakdown, Paula Abdul swears she's never been called a "whiny loser" before. We find this hard to believe.

• Lindsay Lohan stands to lose hundreds of thousands of dollars if she backs out of her Svedka Vodka sponsored 21st birthday party. When reached for comment, Dina Lohan yelled, "party foul!" and then did three lines of cocaine.

• Who would've guessed RZA and McSteamy are both Hillary Clinton supporters? Sadly for Hill, Method Man is still pulling for third-party candidate, Ralph Nader.

• Is hunky Josh Hartnett stepping out on his obviously real girlfriend, Penelope Cruz? Related: Hunk. Who still says that, anyway?

• Mischa Barton called her ex-boyfriend, Cisco "Hung Like A Donkey" Adler, while she was hospitalized for that antibiotics + binge-drinking incident.

• Jenna Jameson's weight loss is upsetting fans. That's fans, plural.

• Paris Hilton's attorney goes on yet another attack defending his client's genital health and pill intake.

• Tom Cruise's first move to resurrect goodwill of the public: play a Nazi.

• Larry Birkhead continues milking Anna Nicole story, to the tune of $650k in legal bills.

• Kevin Connolly and Haylie Duff get close enough on a red carpet to fuel rumors of them being together.

• Adding to earlier reports of a budding romance, we spotted Josh Hartnett and Penelope Cruz entering cheesesteak factory Wogie's in the West Village with a third, unidentified guest.

• Jamie Foxx does his best Kathy Griffin impression at the Borgata, dissing everyone from Prince ("he wears 10-inch stilettos") to O.J. Simpson ("I threw a party in Miami and he showed up…He shook my hand hard as hell. He did it!")

• Penelope Cruz continues to dispel those lesbian rumors by getting hot and heavy with the uber-masculine Orlando Bloom.

• Lindsay Lohan continues to demonstrate her horrible common sense by reportedly dating seedy "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis.

• Widdicombe's daily riddle has us pondering "which aspiring starlet (more former than latter) had to be stepped over on a Chateau Marmont staircase Sunday morning because getting back to her room before having sex was too much of a chore?"

• Tara Reid has somehow recovered her pre-liposuction bod.

• Brad and Angelina light up the red carpet at the Golden Globes last night, offering "sizzling" new details about their fave breakfast cereals.

• Penelope Cruz laughs off rumors that she's a lesbian…then looks for her next not-even-remotely-straight boyfriend.

• In a bit of disturbing news, Director John Waters wants to be K-Fed's "rebound" guy.

• Meanwhile, K-Fed weighs his options: it's either custody of the kids, or else "giant piles of money."

• Courtney Thorne-Smith marries her agent despite his inability to get her anything besides crappy, network tv roles.

• In addition to being a crappy comedian, Carrot Top also turns out to be "really scary-looking" up close.

• Here's what happens when good celebrities go fat.

The third celebrity in a string of Suri Cruise spotters has come forward. Tom Cruise's ex, Penelope Cruz, is the latest to lay claim that she's seen the baby — that little Suri, does in fact, exist. After Leah Remini informed the world that Suri has eyes, and Jada Pinkett Smith, called her "gorgeous," we now have a third account. She's "special."

"I met Suri. She is really beautiful. She is really special," the 32-year-old actress told reporters Thursday at the U.K. premiere of her new film, Volver. "One of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. And I am extremely happy for them. They are really happy and doing great."

Hmmm. This could be one of those "lost in translation" things, but somebody should tell Ms. Cruz that when you call something "special' it's often a nice way of saying "not normal." Not that there's anything wrong with that … but, maybe Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes don't want everyone to know there's something "special" about their kid.

At least she has the power of getting B-LIst celebs back in the press, though.

Penelope Cruz: I've Met Suri [People]

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are coming to America! You know what that means? People's going to run the baby on the cover before the other paparazzi can jump them in the airport. [National Ledger]

• Andy Pemberton is, once again, out at Spin. Or he's back at the beach. Or sipping margaritas at SoHo House. Or maybe he never existed in the first place? [FBNY]

• The world welcomes another little Jessica Simpson into our hearts. No, Jess is not having Adam Levine's baby. But her little sister is morphing into her more and more by the minute. [Mollygood]

• Ben Smith is now 'struggling for relevance.' Ouch. Well, then again, nobody really is relevent in this world if they don't work for the Observer. [NYO]

• Case in point, Rebecca Dana breaking even more news on a Friday night. (Go home, people!) Diane Sawyer is unleashing the wrath over at ABC and execs aren't handing it very well. [NYO]

• Madonna is so over exploiting Britney Spears and has moved on to ruin the life of Lindsay Lohan. Nice, Madge. Like the kid doesn't have enough issues. [Page Six]

• Yay, Matthew McConaughey is single again. Wait, is it weird that we're more excited about Penelope Cruz being single? [People]

Julia Roberts might be the $20 million woman on the big screen, but Catherine Zeta-Jones takes that title (and dollar figure) when it comes to the small screen. Though Mrs. Michael Douglas isn't doing Lifetime MOWs — she's doing T-Mobile, and raking in the cash. On Monday, Adweek's Gail Schiller is going to break down celebrity endorsement deals by the numbers. Perfect timing, too, because the high we got off seeing Bruce Willis shilling for a Japenese fuel company is starting to wane.

After the jump, the listicle you're looking for of the top earners in the sell out category — many of whom you'll only find in international ads. Wouldn't want Americans to know how they make $2 million in a day.

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