Sorry guys, let's break our Kate Moss/Pete Doherty fatwa here for a second to report on some ridiculous news: A self-portrait of Kate Moss, drawn in 2005, will be auctioned off at Lyon & Turnbull in London on Saturday. Entitled Who Needs Blood When You Have Lipstick?, the painting is expected to fetch $60-80k, despite/because of the fact that the picture is composed of Moss' lipstick smears and splatters of ex-boyfriend and current junkie Pete Doherty's blood.
What a terrible trend in the British art world, where the supermodel is already a staple in many high-profile/higher concept pieces (like the solid gold Kate Moss statue). Are the British really so wealthy that they can just throw money around in the likeness of the thinnest woman in their country? Well, yes they are, but still. These are the same people that gave us Damien Hirst and his crystal skull, remember, so they'll call anything art if it's studded with enough jewelry.
But the saddest part of this whole story? The painting "comes with a receipt of sale made out on a Soho House napkin from Doherty, who originally owned the painting." Because it's not an authentic splatter painting unless there is validation from a crackhead on a napkin.
Actually, looking at the picture, you know what it sort of reminds me of?
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Every time you think Kate Moss has gotten her act together — broke up with Pete Doherty, sort-of admits to an eating disorder in Interview, has the world's largest gold statue made in her honor — she has to go eff it all up again by jumping on the catwalk, of all things:
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Rumors that hypodermic needle dumping ground Pete Doherty is brushing up on his Scientology, thanks to new open hole DJ Nadine Ruddy, is disturbing for so many reasons: They're courting addicts now? Might this mean he'll never get back together with Kate Moss?
And, most importantly: Is Scientology finally loosening its policy against accepting heteros into the fold?
Is this Pete Doherty smoking crack — posted by Doherty to his own YouTube account? If so, he'd joined esteemed fellow Brits Amy Winehouse and ex-girlfriend Kate Moss as those caught on tape imbibing illegal substances. Perhaps just like them, his career and financial fortune will quickly rebound.
• Big boobs, small boobs, anorexic, chubby, drunk, soberish, Tara Reid always looks trashy.
• Now that Adnan Glahib is famous, can we talk about that gross facial hair? Sure. It's really gross.
• Note to Katherine Heigl: Wearing a Burberry scarf and Burberry boots is a little chav.
• Lindsay Lohan: What's with this look?
• Amy Winehouse makes a better say no to drugs spot than any cracked egg ever could.
• So does Pete Doherty.
[Photo via cityrag]
• We might worship different Gods, but anyone can appreciate a Britney crotch shot figurine.
• Spears family etiquette says giving a figurine of your own crotch is in bad taste, so Britney looks for baby clothes for her little sister.
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• Stephen Colbert on his short-lived presidential campaign: "I am shocked and saddened by the South Carolina Democratic Executive Council's 13-to-3 vote to keep me off their presidential primary ballot. Although I lost by the slimmest margin in presidential election history — only ten votes — I have chosen not to put the country through another agonizing Supreme Court battle. It is time for this nation to heal."
• Bonnie Fuller pulls a Naomi Campbell, takes a non-political "business" trip to the United Arab Emigrates.
• Jamie Lee Curtis pulls a Brian Williams' daughter Tina Fey, blogs in support of the Writer's Guild.
• The only thing black on this Ebony cover is Michael Jackson's hair, and we hear that was a wig.
• As usual, Victoria "Posh" Beckham hasn't the faintest idea that she's being photographed.
• Britney smokes Menthols? Ew!
• Imagine writing a classic hip-hop song, then having your classic hip-hop song sampled (and effectively ruined) by the woman who destroyed the Black Eyed Peas. Our heart goes out to you, JJ Fad.
• Jennifer Lopez and her protruding unborn child perform on GMA’s Fall concert series.
• Even Clay Aiken's gay lover says the former Idol's a homo.
• Pete Doherty forsakes heroin in favor of a bucket of lard.
• Britney gets her California driver's license. After losing her kids.
• Apparently, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty had something keeping them together other than an overwhelming dependence on dangerous and illegal drugs.
• This picture of Jessica Simpson leaving Tenjune with her (imaginary?) best friend has one blogger asking "Why does her face look so bucked up?" We'd tell you, except we were actually way too preoccupied staring at her rack.
• Britney Spears foolishly squanders an opportunity to record a duet with her all too sympathetic ex, Justin Timberlake. Or, as Yeeeah puts it, "Justin Timberlake Tries To Ruin Career; Fails."
• Pee-Wee Herman (a.k.a. Paul Reubens) returns to television in the role of a "traveling homeopathic antidepressant representative/salesman." Which "beats" jacking off at a porno theater any day.
• That Pete Doherty is such a drug-addled mess, even his frickin' cat is hooked on heroin.
• Ever wished for the magical ability to turn everything you touch into crappy artificially fruit-flavored candy? No? Well, don't.
• Because there's no better time for transcendent soul-searching than suntanning at your daddy's beach house in Malibu. In a Hermes swimsuit.
• If Pete Doherty's banned from London, how will he ever win back his ex, that old rag, Kate Moss?
• Justin Timberlake and Roboho lead the competition with 7 VMA nominations apiece.
• R. Kelly's underage victim (now 23 years old) is understandably embarrassed about that video footage documenting her affinity for water sports.
• Gwyneth puts the "W" in "Waxy-faced androgyny."
• Jason Preston (a.k.a. Marc Jacob's ex) is back on top. Literally.
• Newlywed Jodie Sweetin celebrates her marriage to Cody Herpin by shoving her boob in his face and then, presumably, treating him to a pants-off dance off. Also, she creepily has the SAME FACE she had as a fourteen year old.
• Pete Doherty tries to win back Kate Moss' affections by referring to her as "a nasty old rag" who's "out of [her] fucking mind."
• Sometimes, not often but sometimes, celebrities decide to bravely face the natural effects of aging without the assistance of Dr. 90210.
• In less than three weeks, Hayden Pannettiere turns 18, at which point it will be completely socially acceptable to ogle these pics of her in a bikini.
• Dina Lohan continues to blame everyone except herself for her trainwreck of a daughter.
• Ivanka Trump is reportedly competing with Gale King, Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Griffin and Mario "So Gay He's One Of The Girls" Cantone for Rosie's spot on The View.
• More rumors that celebrity chef Rachael Ray and her hubby of two years might be "slightly overdone."
• Can you imagine going on vacation with Denise Richards, bringing her to a romantic, secluded beach and then dumping her? Richie Sambora can!
• Meet Lance Bass' new main squeeze, Pedro Andrade. He's a good boy, crazy 'bout Elvis, loves horses. And his boyfriend, too.
• Live Earth is a global concert geared towards raising awareness and money in an effort to combat global warming. It's also an excuse for a bunch of prissy Brits to start bitching about Phil Collins.
• Some trashy Italian bird cops to sleeping with Pete Doherty. On purpose.
• Victoria Beckham finally admits her boobies are fake, but claims they're only a 32B. Riiiiight.
• Scarlett Johansson has a nose ring! And it's not a slutty vegan side-stud so much as a giant, ugly cow-loop. Nice moooove, ScarJo.
• Also, way to wear fat-shorts.
• Pete Doherty pleads guilty to drug charges, which really puts a damper in his whole "smack and needle-free wedding" plan.
• Serena Williams manages to overcome rain delays and painful leg cramps to overtake her much-less-intimidating opponent at Wimbledon.
• Competitive eating champ Takeru Kobayashi has an arthritic jaw, and thus might be out of commission for the annual July 4th hot dog eating contest as he "can't open [his] jaws more than just a little bit." When reached for comment, Kobayashi's girlfriend replied, "An arthritic jaw. Hmm, I'll have to remember that one."
• You know what's the best way to convince people you didn't crazily carve your husband's name into your chest using a shard of broken glass? By showing everyone the "love scar," and then laughing about it! Oh, wait…
• Has anyone else noticed that LA Weekly hasn't talked about Iraq, politics or, well, anything even remotely controversial lately?
• Having already spent the bulk of his book advance on heroin, Pete Doherty has been moonlighting as a chimney sweep in order to make some extra cash. To buy more heroin.
• Ice-T and his Stripperella wife, Coco are hitting the reality tv trainwreck sector. Meanwhile, Flavor Flav responded by saying, "Aw man, I thought I had the washed up hip hop reality genre locked up."
• Ted Casablanca reveals the secret behind Angelina's rapid weight loss. You guessed it: Black tar heroin.
• Kate Moss tells Pete Doherty that she'll only marry him if he can lay off the crack-pipe. Doherty responds to this ultimatum by writing, "Smack and needle-free we shall marry in the summer and I become 10 times happier than any given smackhead. Huzzah!" Yeah, good luck with that whole marriage thing, Kate.
• Paris Hilton is sick, tired of being used by the media without whom she would be nothing.
• Hotelier Andre Balaz to give the Chelsea Hotel the "Chateau Marmont" treatment. Plans include completely renovating the interior, and stocking the Star Lounge with Moet champagne, trendy ottomans and the Olsen twins.
• Meanwhile, Chad Michael Murray isn't just a mediocre actor who enjoys marrying barely legal teenagers and then promptly cheating on them. He's also a nightmare ex!
• Kim Kardashian is looking for love the only way she knows how: by hanging with Britney Gastineau, and then begging people to introduce her to Pharrell Williams before settling for Fabolous instead.
• Rapper 50 Cent is into having into having sex, he ain't into making love. But apparently, he is into holding hands with the middle-aged Dutchess of York.
• Pam Anderson is a first class flier. If by "first class" you mean Stripperella.
• Finally, an explanation for why Val Kilmer gives everyone the heebie-jeebies.
• Mischa Barton leaves little to the imagination; proves she truly was too classy for the likes of The O.C.
• We want the number of Britney Spears' fake hairstylist. And no, it's not because we want to schedule an appointment.
• Adam Sandler, in Big Daddy the sequel. Thankfully, in this version the kid is toilet-trained.
• Perez is claiming John Mayer and Jessica Simpson have called their inexplicable relationship quits.
• The bad news: Pete Doherty admits he still smokes crack every day, and reveals he's engaged in prostitution to feed his habit. The good news: He only told Vogue Homme.
• Mediabistro was evidently so impressed with our inaugural "Press Release Parade" they were inspired to create a similar new feature only hours later!
• America's Next Top Model reminds us that they live and die for fashion.
• Nielsen president Robert Krakoff died unexpectedly last night, escaping any 'splaining about getting dumped by Fox.
• In spite of Angelina Jolie's best efforts to even the playing field, today's NYT reveals NYC is dominated by rich white toddlers.
• No question Beyonce's a lot hotter now than she used to be. But is it a case of awkward adolescence or Dr. 90210?
• Producers of I Think I Love My Wife wisely encourage Chris Rock not to dump his spouse until after the film's release.
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou made out all night at Boulevard 3; other restaurant goers suddenly lose their appetites.
• Is John Mayer dating Jessica Simpson because she's just a dumb blond?
• Paris Hilton faces the possibility of 90-days in jail for driving with a suspended license. Naturally, she won't actually get any jail time because she's very, very rich.
• Pete Doherty is living in sin with Kate Moss and smoking doobies with penguins.
• Someone stole Cate Blanchett's $100,000 handbag before the Oscars, which would have been far more interesting had she actually won.
• Eva Longoria WON'T do on-camera sex scenes, although she WILL do rampant, off-camera promiscuity
• Pete Doherty cheats on Kate Moss with a German groupie and a giant bag of cocaine.
• And the giant softies over at Time Inc. have already begun the mass exodus…
• Guy to propose to his girlfriend in a commercial airing during the Superbowl; girl to run to bathroom for an "emergency #2" and miss the entire thing.
• Help us say goodbye to our gossip girl Molly, who departs MollyGood today after countless months of crotch shots, nip slips, and obsessing over Rachel Bilson. Some fella named Cord will be taking over on Monday, which means a fresh take on making fun of K-Fed!
Editorial Director
