On Friday you and your friends were all gearing up for a 20/20-watching party to see Christie Brinkley's ex Peter Cook talk to Barbara Walters, weren't you? Don't worry, we all had that party, and we were all disappointed (actually, I only caught the last segment about why teenage hippy ravers are too stupid to vote, which was also disappointing, albeit in a totally different way).

However, the whole episode can be summarized in this one clip, which you and your friends watched over and over because you are turned on by Babs saying the word masturbation.

Does anyone else see the comparisons between former supermodel Christie Brinkley and Kim Basinger? Both have crazed exes (Peter Cook for Christie, Alec Baldwin for Basinger) who love to overshare with the press about how much they hate their ex-wives, both seem totally long-suffering, and both are, uh, blond?

But it's a particularly sad day for Brinkley, who was just denied a restraining order against former Hampton's architect Cook, despite the man's total lack of judgment and regard for his children's well-being in deciding to spread their dirty laundry out for Barbara Walter's this weekend on 20/20.

Now, California law may be biased on the side of the mothers (according to men like Baldwin and Cook, and perhaps even Federline), but do you really think this is the type of guy who deserves his children?

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To the great dismay of the New York tabloids, Christie Brinkley has gone and settled her divorce with sleazy husband Peter Cook. She walks away the winner, with sole custody of their tween kids, all of the couple's real estate, and their boat, which is basically what she wanted all along. Cook walks away with a flat fee of $2.1 million from Brinkley, much of it to cover his legal costs, as well as the dubious honor of single handedly supporting Internet porn. [NYP]

This 1981 issue of GQ, featuring courtroom celebrity Peter Cook at age 22 (with Carol Alt), was dug up by Inside Edition in an effort, we firmly believe, to get us to think the same naughty thoughts about Christie Brinkley's skeeze of a husband the same way we're being groomed to think about John McCain.

It's working.

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That Christie Brinkley is a publicity whore is one way to explain why she demanded her divorce proceedings be open to the media, despite protests from soon-to-be ex-husband Peter Cook and the attorney representing her children Sailer, 10, and Jack, 13. Or, you know, she finds so egregious Cook's violations of their marriage — the $3k/month on porn; the posting of his own nude photos on websites for swingers; his sleeping with Diana Bianchi, an 18-year-old employee at his architecture firm, then paying her $300k to keep quiet — that she wants them made a matter of public record, where Cook can be humiliated for all to see. Including her kids' Google searches.

Nevermind that Brinkley is being described in open court by her husband's attorney as a woman who, "for goodness sake," is "on her fourth husband" and that everybody's time is being wasted because of the "the self-indulgent wrath of a woman scorned."

It could be argued Brinkley is going for the sympathy vote, hoping the tabloid press — and even CNN and Fox News, who will of course be breathlessly reporting from the trial — will be nice to her so she can win the trial, at least in the court of public opinion. Except what are the chances of that happening?

The press loves to paint a woman as a vindictive wench, even if her husband may epitomize true scum. Need evidence?

Just look at what People magazine, the most likely of the tabloids to treat Brinkley with a modicum of respect, chose to headline their article — filed under "Nasty Breakups and Divorces: — as: "Peter Cook on Brinkley: 'Shrek Was More Believable.'"

And with that, it's clear which way the tide is already turning … and what type of shape Brinkley will be in by the time the dollar figure for alimony is set.

On that note, we're done for the day, taking off a smidge early to get our Independence Day celebration going.

Naturally, HuffPo blogger and AMI editorial director Bonnie Fuller is most concerned about Eliot Spitzer's daughters – Elyssa, Sarabeth and Jenna – in this whole sex scandal mess. "Anyone who has ever been through the experience of having their father choose another woman over their mother, especially if it happened when they were a teenager, knows how traumatic this can be," she writes. "Whether your father has an affair or anonymous sex, it's all the same and it's even more devastating when the world knows about it."

Of course, back when Bonnie was running Star magazine full-time, she had no problem contributing to the trauma of Sailor Lee, 7, and Jack, 11, the children of Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook, who cheated on his model wife with his 19-year-old assistant, the details of which Star was hellbent on reporting.

• Britney Spears fires her pool boy, who, in turn, tells us she’s a bitch to Kevin Federline. Hey, at least admitting that he pisses her off proves she's human. [The Scoop]

&bll; Wesley Snipes likes to lick chocolate off of his lovers and “nibble” on their neck, suck their blood … the usual. [R&M]

• Wow. Things just get worse and worse for Jeffrey Epstein. Now, as it turns out, the massage girls were not only part of his "petting zoo" but they were ages 14-16. We're so proud that this guy was a member of the media. [Page Six]

• At least Peter Cook's mommy will always love him. [NYDN]

• Star speculates that Angelina Jolie's postpartum depression has set in. That, or she just really misses eating. [Star]

Helen Gurley Brown spent 32 years towing the line between makeup tips and sex advice at Cosmopolitan, which meant she had more advice to offer than she could squeeze into Sex and The Single Girl. For instance, did you know there are eight rules for having an affair?

I believe most girls are attainable by somebody. Really, most girls, but you have to work at it. I think the reason you don't always succeed is that you want everything now, this minute, tonight's the night. Rule one is "Take time to court her." Rule two: "Love her out of bed." Laught at her jokes. Women have fantastic egos too, you know. Even pretty little flips of girls just love to be thought fascinating and funny. [...]

Rule seven: "Act confident, even if you aren't." If she thinks you know what you're doing, even if she doesn't know what she's doing, it helps. One man I know, when he's sure conditions are right, takes over like a father. He just tells the girl, "Now, let's get out of this dress, darling. Let me take your shoes." Well, pretty sure she's doing everything he says.

Set to press clippings of Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook's extramarital scandal, Gurley Brown's wise words have taken on a whole new meaning. Magazine editors, you see, will say anything to cheerlead scandal.