• Landlords attempted to evict Maggie Gyllenhaal from her Tribeca pad. And, she almost cares but she's moving to Brooklyn anyways. [NYP]

• Free food at 5 Ninth? Call now because this will certainly never, ever happen again. [Grub Street]

• NYC's Rodeo Bar is now selling cowboy boots and belt buckles covered in peanut shells. [NYO]

• You know those skinny dudes who are always huffing and puffing to pedal the chubby Midwestern folk down 42nd St? Yeah, well, New York wants to put some regulations on that. [NYP]

• Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard's new Brooklyn Brownstone will be filled with the pitter-patter of little Ramona. She'll be so cute in her bugaboo playing at Prospect Park and sitting with her parents at Connecticut Muffin. [People]

• Nicole Richie and breaks up with yet another guy she didnt' date long enough for us to remember. [Us]

• Jim Kelly throws another swiggin' party — this time he didn't invite the bloggers. Probably because they gathered to talk about war. [Lowdown]

• Maybe his latest injury is a sign that Jack Nicholson shouldn't be taking super models to bed. [Page Six]

• It's totally ok if women like Oprah and Cathie Black falling in the ranks of Fortune's most powerful. As long as it's to make room for all the new fabulous ladies who are reaching great heights, of course. [WWD]

There will now be one more pregnant lady (soon to be one more stroller) shopping at the Park Slope food co-op and picking up breakfast from Connecticut Muffin. But it won't be just any young, young rich couple starting a family. It will be the most photographed couple in New York these days. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard purchased a four-story 3,600-square-foot brownstone on the north side of Park Slope.

Their listing—before it was yanked from the Corcoran Web site—described old-school brownstone details like original doors and moldings and a recently restored façade, plus “a grand parlor with floor-to-ceiling windows.” (Thankfully, those floors are pine.)

Then there are the fireplaces, seven of them, with marble mantles.

Michelle Williams, in her attempt to save brownstone Brooklyn once said, “My husband Heath and I moved to Brooklyn for light and space and air." We're sure Maggie and her husband feel the same. Light, air, and the lack of paparazzo. (Those other Slope moms will totally take down any photogs with their army of bugaboos.)

Park Slope Celebrity Tour! [Max Abelson, New York Observer]

• Natalie Portman is so brave. Especially since everyone in Isreal hates her for kissing on that wall. [Page Six]

• We bet $1200 Britney Spears hangs the glass chandelier over the baby's crib, and it falls on it. [Scoop]

• Really, who doesn't have a "Peter Sarsgaard saw my cooter" story? [Us]

• Foxy Brown pleads guilty to assault, then tries to change her answer. All of Chinatown went on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. [AP]

• Nascar will bring Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson together. How obvious was that? [Page Six]

British import Joanna Coles is already doing a fine job making Marie Claire a title worth talking about. When it comes to Hearst, we usually dedicate our energy to chronicling Atoosa Rubenstein's MySpace friend requests — but suddenly Coles influence has given the staid (though healthy, circulation-wise) Marie Claire an injection of sexy. To be sure, it helps to "jump into" Cathie Black's car.

But around the new MC, there is one type of injection that doesn't seem to have a home: Botox. Joanna told us so herself last night – pointing to the wrinkles in her forehead – amid apple martinis and a live band at a private screening for Sherrybaby at Hearst's new glass tower. And that sort of thing makes sense, given Joanna's feelings toward nose jobber Ashlee Simpson and her kin.

Last night's event, however, was not just a chance for the former More editor to shake hands with other Hearsties while proving she can pull off an all-white ensemble. The editor was also hosting September covergirl Maggie Gyllenhaal (who arrived flanked with soon-to-be baby daddy Peter Sarsgaard) — Joanna's first issue for the magazine (it helped that she learned how to pronounce Maggie's last name).

Though reluctant to say much about where she's moving (she and Peter living in the West Village, though plenty of rumors suggest a move to Park Slope is imminent) and whether brother Jake will be playing Lance Armstrong (and here we though that bit of news was already confirmed be PR types), Maggie did let on that the paparazzi scene in Los Angeles is, to our surprise, much more bareable than it is here in New York. "We were at breakfast yesterday with my brother and all of a sudden these 12 photographers appeared and started taking our picture," she says. In L.A., the paps leave her alone. Who knew?

But it was during the post-screening Q&A that Maggie let on a more incriminating detail of her movie career. After her success with Secretary, where the director allowed her to control much of her character's portrayal, she actually thought Hollywood types would solicit her input about the characters she played. Not so, she found out while filming a movie she wouldn't name (though our guess is Mona Lisa Smile). It was "horrible" and they made her cry.

And crying she did plenty of last night — though only on screen, and only in between exposing her breasts and having sex with every other male character in the film. And that, apparently, is just the type of Hollywood Joanna Coles wants in her magazine. By which we mean, of course, natural breasts.

• Seeing Larry David flap his arms and scream swears in a parking lot would be the only reason we would ever consider moving to L.A. [Page Six]

• Jennifer Aniston is not destined to be an old maid for the rest of her life. The best part? Now we have a new stomach to obsessively photograph and watch for bumps. [Us Weekly]

• Which is the perfect time for Angelina Jolie to shrink to Olsen-size and leave Brad Pitt. [Mollygood]

• Could Peter Sarsgaard be any more sexy? He and Maggie Gyllenhaal are so freakin' cute — we hope the paparazzi never, ever touches them. Ever. [Lowdown]

• There is nothing in this world more important than being a socialite. How could anyone even dare to suggest such an atrocity? [NYO]

• The whole world (meaning all of New York media) is creaming themselves over the announcement of the new Radar staffers. Time to get those resumes in shape, folks. [FBNY]

• Charlize Theron wins yet another small time indy award. Shes' got spirit, yes she do. [MSNBC]

• What the fuck happened while we were in the bathroom? How an entire media war broke out over the Nikki Finke vs. Jesse Oxfeld spat is beyond us. [LA Observed]

• Why does Maggie Gyllenhaal love Peter Sarsgaard? Some may say it's his off beat humor … we prefer to think it's hot ass. [OAN]

• Whoa, we barely recognized Sean Preston Spears with his clothes on. We were started to succumb to the notion that they lived in a naked house. [Mollygood]

• The homeless people are not to be used as weapons. [Gothamist]

• Now you can help stop the spread of STI's by sticking swabs up your own butt. Someone should alert Stephanie Klein. [Queerty]

• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban somehow managed to not be awfully mean and horrible celebrities. [Hotel Chatter]

• Patrick McMullan picks on lowly journalists that aren't as good as his socialite friends. Ass. [FBNY]

• If Maggie Gyllehaal and Peter Sarsgaard move to Park Slope, they better ask us to babysit. Preferable while Uncle Jake is in town. [Brooklyn Record]

Get your stalking shoes out … Jake Gyllenhaal may be chilling around downtown NYC more frequently than ever, now that his sister Maggie Gyllenhaal and her fiancee Peter Sarsgaard get ready for baby.

The Post reports today that the extra-sexy indy couple have been checking out some downtown digs.

The actress and sister of "Brokeback Mountain" star Jake Gyllenhaal, was recently spotted checking out a three-bedroom, two-bath loft on Vestry street, with an asking price of $2,700,000.

As of yesterday, the 2,300-square-foot TriBeCa condo hadn't gone to contract.

2,300 square feet? That's definitely plenty of crash padding for Jake. And if we just happen to be hiding behind the Times at a West Hudson cafe, wearing wigs and sunglasses, you never saw us.

Room for Baby [Brando Keil via The Real Estate]

• James Frey donates his own books, not money, for a good cause. [P6]

• As Perez Hilton explains it, the Lindsay Lohan v. Jessica Simpson spat began as any catfight does: hairdressers and stylists. [Perez Hilton]

• It was always coming to this: Michael Jackson will unload part of his Beatles catalog to Sony to avoid bankruptcy. Well, at least at some point in the future. [NYT]

• Paula Abdul got tossed out of L.A.'s Xenii not because of a fight, but because her ass was druuunk. [P6]

• CBS prez Bob Schieffer and Katie Couric take their love affair to Michael's, complete with wrist corsage. [Lowdown]

• Congrats to Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard on their shotgun engagement. [Star]

• Meanwhile, Chad Michael Murray's new fiance isn't pregnant, and they're getting married anyhow. [People]

• West Wing creator Andrew Sorkin snags a starring role in a call girl's tell-all. [P6]

• Oprah is totally fine with having a ton of money. Then again, we don't really know anyone who isn't. [People]

• New York magazine's goddess of sex, Amy Sohn, is giving up her hardcore fetishes for baby talk. Boo. [NYO]

• Peter Saargard is officially off the market — after knocking up Maggie Gyllenhaal, he presents her with a ring. The good news is "Uncle Jake" has such a sexy ring to it. [AP]

• Somehow we doubt that Angelina Jolie really gives a shit about what Jennifer Aniston has to say. Especially since she's having a baby that'll be more important than Jesus. [SFG]

• Why would anyone stalk Elizabeth Hasselbeck? It's almost as boring as stalking George Clooney. [Lowdown]