One week of watching the new Discovery Channel spin-off network Planet Green was all television critic Troy Patterson could take before, as he tells it, he "want[ed] to go out and kill a dolphin."

Why such a harsh reaction to a network supposedly dedicated to saving the planet? Because the network's shows have turned our concern for the environment into "an upper-middle-class privilege and a status marker." Case and point: That they've enlisted HBO star Adrian Grenier to explain how doing good things for our planet fits right in with his asshole Entourage lifestyle.

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Score one for major product placements. Emeril Green, the new program from former Food Network kingpin Emeril Lagasse, will be shot entirely inside a Whole Foods Market. Using only organic and sustainably-produced food, Lagasse's show, broadcast live, will also serve as a real-time advertisement for the upscale supermarket; Whole Foods employees will be the ones picking out the ingredients for his recipes, in what we hope involves running around with shopping carts and a stopwatch a la Supermarket Sweep.

Discovery Communications, which is suddenly the toast of investors, already handed over its Discovery Health channel to Oprah's OWN network. In June, Discovery will transform Discovery Home into the eco-lifestyle Planet Green channel; Emeril Green, produced by Emeril Live's After Five Productions, debuts there in July.

With Lagasse's deal in place, perhaps Fox Business' Happy Hour wrap show can leverage a little reimbursement from the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel's Bull & Bear bar.