Oh, Portfolio. Much like the new kid who claims to have been a star at his old high school only to prove himself a doofus in a matter of moments, Portfolio came out talking a big game and then wrote "a boring exposé" on how a cellist pays for his instrument.
But perhaps the only thing less breaking than Franz Lidz’s 5000 word piece on George Steinbrenner is that Portfolio is bad. Really, really bad. Even with high profile writers and editors, the only thing the magazine has going for it is a crackerjack design team.
And like making fun of the new guy, covering Portfolio's blunders is what all the cool kids are doing. So yesterday, when a freelance writer (and failed start-up blogger) suggested that Tina Brown replace Joanne Lipman, the reaction was as if the order had come from S.I. Newhouse himself.
We’d never go as far to say Jon Friedman is right, but maybe the coverage of Portfolio has gone too far. After all, there are other stories moving at a glacial pace to mull over.
We don't know about the rest of you, but our experience reading Condé Nast's Portfolio went something like this:
Open magazine. Flip through 47 pages of ads. Notice lots of familiar names on the masthead. Start getting excited. Flip through another 30 pages of ads. Get paper cut. Read Michael Lewis article. Realize it's essentially a 4 page rip-off of his last two books. Start getting disappointed. Flip through 25 pages of ads. (Ooh, a luxury cruise!) Realize all the articles are sort of like high-end versions of "Business For Dummies." Get more disappointed.
And so on, and so forth.
Which is why we kind of enjoyed hearing what Fortune's managing editor had to say about Portfolio's ridiculously over-hyped launch, in the current issue of the New York Observer.
• New Marie Claire style director Cleo Glyde struggled to stay thin. It only took two lipo surgeries later.
• Andy Richter is back on TV. Which explains why we didn't know what the hell that NBC show was in the on-screen guide.
• Portfolio is not doing the Louise MacBain story. Let's hope they're reinvesting their energy in that big Tribune tale.
• Former Page Sixer becomes Post biz editor. Sadly, it's not JPS.
• Us Weekly reporters party with drug addicts. For the sake of reporting.
• New Time has more white space. Less cowbell.
CONTINUED »
Well, it's almost the end of the day, but we'd be remiss if we didn't at least mention that Conde Nast is finally launching their super secret, life-altering finance/non-finance mag. And while Conde has largely remained mum on the subject of their b-to-b brainchild, Portoflio publisher (and director of Conde Nast Business Media) is ready to tell you why you're much better off purchasing the "Vogue of the Business World!" than spending your hard-earned cash on, say, a movie ticket…with a small buttered popcorn:
• It's reasonably priced at a mere $12-$15 an issue.
• It's going to feature both endemic and nonendemic business. Whatever that means.
• It has an "A-list" journalistic cast, and aims to be "a cross between The New Yorker and Vanity Fair," [Ed: In pre or post-Bono era?]
• It hopes to attract 40% women, presumably of trhe nonendemic variety.
And so on, and so forth. But the number one reason you should pick up a copy of Portfolio, (which is already being mailed to the first 50,0000 subscribers as we speak?)
CONTINUED »
Unlocking the secrets to how Conde Nast can hit a home run with its new business title, Jon Friedman visits the corner psychic to reveal:
To surpass Fortune, Portfolio must be, above all, SURPRISING.
It must also be, above all, not another frickin' business magazine. Too late? $4.99/minute gets you another suggestion.
• ABC pays News Corp. $1m kill fee for O.J. Simpson interview that Barbara Walters passed on, giving Judith Regan some much needed buffer room for that little financial fiasco.
• IvyGate fosters healthy father-son relationships: The blog's founder and his Boston Globe-columnist father share stories.
• Maer Roshan was just begging to be called out on his latest ego trip.
• Steve Florio leaves his Conde Nast executive suite for the Conde Nast cafeteria. Or something like that.
• Bidders for Tribune's assets aren't offering enough cash, forcing the company to take some time to think of clever ponzi schemes to make up the rest.
• With the city's most famous party crasher in attendance, it's nice to see Jon Friedman get the headlining love.
• If you ask Internet entrepreneuers what they'd do if they had their own newspaper, of course they're going to say something about going digital.
• Portfolio poaching always requires a mention.
Imagine you are an editor at Forbes, spending the past 20 plus years with the mag, only to get some lame title like "editorial director of radio and television." And imagine Graydon Carter comes along with an offer to join his new establishment, and take over the media one newsstand at a time. Are you really going to turn it down because some new money magazine might want you more?
No.
So who can blame Peter Newcomb, the Forbes "veteran" who will be joining VF as a senior articles editor?
Carter invented Vanity Fair's New Establishment list 12 years ago when many of the tech, info and entertainment figures on the list were in fact startling new faces of power and influence.
Now the New Establishment is in many ways the establishment.
"I want to bring it up to date, expand it and change," said Carter. Next year, the list will double in size to 100 names.
Seriously, did Joanne Lipman or Steve Forbes even have a New Establishment list? We thought not.
GIVING THE BUSINESS [Keith Kelly, New York Post]
Now that Conde Nast's new biz mag has been given the name Portfolio, we have a feeling people will pretty much stop caring about it. Business magazines have always been considered the least sexy of all the glossy publications (sort of like how we found out last night that Rodale throws the least sexy parties of all publishers); it really takes a lot to keep people's interest sustained.
But the new Conde Nast editor, Joanne Lipman has a plan — aha! — dangle the promise of a buzzed about staff in front of industry reporters.
It is also terrific that at Condé Nast, editors get a lot of latitude. I knew that about David from his years at The New Yorker [vp/publisher from June 1998 through September 2005], and his respect for 'church/state.' That was a real draw for me to come here, and it will also be for others, as I am being swamped with résumés from writers and editors with extraÂordinary talent. We are going to have exciting staff announcements."
We really are aniticipationg the news. We've never been around for the building of a Conde mag before! Gosh, we just hope the promise of "exciting staff announcements" doesn't disappoint … like the way the name "Portfolio" did.
JOANNE LIPMAN DISCUSSES HER "PORTFOLIO," THEN ("WSJ") AND NOW (CN) [Min]
Despite the fact that business mags Forbes and Business Week aren't seeing much growth in recent years, Conde Nast has fearlessly entered the category with its new publications, (drumroll, please) Portfolio.
Originally rumored to be named Quote, EIC Joanne Lipman preferred the deep, multi-layered definitions of Portfolio for her new project. Yet, no matter what the mag is called, the New York Times suggests that it may be difficult to rise above a deflating magazine genre. However, the editorial director, Thomas J. Wallace wants to remind us all who we're dealing with here.
"Remember, you're talking to a former editor of Condé Nast Traveler, which launched in '87, and that, too, was a very large, very competitive category and we succeeded."
We guess they forgot to mention the fact that Si Newhouse has a enough cash to float a mag for a year without reaping any profits.
The Buzz of Magazineland Now Has a Name [Katharine Q. Seelye, New York Times]
Earlier: Conde Names Their New Biz Mag
