• You can now buy a Prada bag for less than a grand in someplace other than Chinatown.

• Damien Hirst's skull art isn't selling the way it used to.

• Jared Kushner is now handing out free real estate advice in hopes that there are still some buyers left on the market.

It's Fashion Week in Milan, which means the Olsen twins and the other Rachel Zoe knockoffs are out of the country for a couple days. Parent's weekend you guys, time to break out the Merlot and the scented candles.

Except all is not well in Italy, where Miuccia Prada's Spring collection failed to dazzle onlookers. Apparently the style for 2009 is "madams with their upswept chignons and oiled chests." Ew? Wait, like real madams or like those women from the Les Mis song "Lovely Ladies?" Because the costuming for that show was fantastic.

Anyway, the whole design FAIL became apparent when wobbly models began wiping out on the runway on their 10-inch stilettos. You choose: A harbinger that Prada's new collection will fall flat on sales, or a sign of things to come in upcoming months, when everyone will be wearing such high heels that half of New York will spend their time trying to dislodge themselves from street gratings.

A metaphor in three panels, after the jump:

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You're looking at the loneliest Prada store ever built. Its big opening was in 2005, but there was no party, and Miuccia Prada did not show up. Though behind the glass walls you will find shoes priced in the high three-figures, no money has ever changed hands here. Not a single swipe of an American Express card. That's because this Prada store — Prada Marfa, located in Marfa, Texas, on an empty stretch of Highway 90 — is not a Prada store at all.

CONTINUED »

Despite The Dark Knight climbing to $400 million, Hollywood is not the place where cash is guaranteed to be made. Major studios like Paramount are begging foreign banks for capital, to no avail.

But Tinseltown is still a shiny playground for those with cash to toss around — and still glossy enough to attract the inexperienced.

This week, Time Inc. announced that it would be extending its brand by making films from Sports Illustrated, Time, Fortune, and even Life articles; SI's April piece "Breaking the Bank," about the alleged criminal exploits of a Ultimate Fighting Championship competitor, is first up. With a seven-figure investment fund from XYZ Films, the publisher will option its own stories with big screen dreams.

And while a media giant like Time Inc. moving into film might not be too much a stretch — it does have parent Time Warner to fall back on, for the time being — what happens when the idea of making a feature film sounds appealing to … a fragrance company? Something worse than a Guy Ritchie flick, most likely.

CONTINUED »

• Breaking: Iraq is dangerous.

• Hey, you know what would be really awesome? If politicians stopped invoking Martin Luther King.

CONTINUED »

Exclusive

There we were yesterday afternoon. It was around 5:20pm. We were just trying to mosey our way to the Angelika to catch Ryan Gosling in his underwear (and an awkwardly sexless relationship with his character's student) when, right outside the Prada store in Soho, we spot a crowd gathering a shouting. Luckily we had Jossip HQ's high-budget (read: piece-of-crap) camera with us (which explains the choppy footage), so we're gonna take you for a wild ride of high fashion security cartel. It's a 7-minute ride, baby, so grab your snacks and watch Prada's goons hold down the perp — who allegedly ran out of the store with an $850 jacket, the pricetag of which we only learned because, it turns out, Prada's security are just as interested in showing off luxury goods as its customers. You'll also be treated to the walkie-talkie types telling us to turn the camera off, curse and berate the suspect ("Don't fuckin' move!"), wave around the fashion-mistake-of-a-jacket while they wait for the cops to arrive — and the suspect telling the fuzz that we've got it all on video. In the end, we're just doing our duty to ensure the accused's rights weren't violated by NYPD dropouts — and hoping you'll hang around the site during the entire seven minutes so it makes our advertisers think our readership is "sticky."

Mandy Moore, Dennis Quaid, Susan Sarandon, Marcia Gay Harden, Drew Lachey, and Gretchen Mol were there.

Sarah Jessica Parker was there, bragging about her beach house. Cynthia Nixon was there, too … though she doesn’t travel much. Even avid jet-setter Lindsay Lohan was there.

The biggest shocker? This was a party for Conde Nast Traveler, the most bland of all the Conde mags.

Celebrity magazines may be over, but Conde Nast Traveler seems to be sailing along just fine. The glossy vacation bible christened the not-yet-open Buddha Bar with their annual Hot List party. The mag bills it’s “Hot List” as the “insiders guide to this year’s hippest hotels, most fabulous restaurants, chicest spas, and hottest bars and clubs around the world”. Bhudda Bar is located in the indispensable-for-the-upscale-traveler meatpacking district. It’s so meta.

Maybe it was for the Bhudda Bar see-and-be-seen. Or could it be that these celebs are all hoping to land covers on other Conde mags? (We just know La Lohan would die for a Vogue spread.)

Speaking of Lindsay, we heard she didn't stay at this B-List party too too long. She posed for the cameras and then quick-changed for her appearance at Prada's "Waist Down - Skirts by Miuccia Prada" party at their SoHo boutique.

Hey, if you can't land Chanel, we guess Prada's the next best shtick!

Traveler's Hot Guest List [Open All Night]

• Jim Schachter is there to help New York Times magazine with their "growing pains." We wonder if he's just as dreamy as Kirk Cameron? [Gawker]

• Sarah Ivens explains that she is "priceless." In other words, it's embarrassing how little OK! is paying her. [NYP]

• MySpace takes down 200,000 "offensive sites." We're so glad Colin Farrell is my Bitch wasn't a victim of this. [FT]

• It's true … but not that sad. Kimora Lee Simmons and and Russell Simmons are officially a non-item. [People]

• The Villager always does such a good job reporting on what the NYU newspaper is reporting on. [The Viilager]

• Miuccia Prada to design for H&M? Start preparing for full-contact shopping. [Vogue]