So even though he probably won't be getting that pardon from George W. Bush, investment fraud-er and international con man Conrad Black is okay with being in prison. He hasn't had "unpleasantness" with anyone, and has spent his time in the slammer teaching other inmates how to launder money read (that's the first step!).
But despite being locked up in an American courthouse and watching the country's quick decline into financial ruin, Black has no schadenfreude towards the nation that currently punishes him.
CONTINUED »
Anand Jon, a minor designer figure in the LA fashion scene was convicted of 16 counts of rape, child pornography, and other sexual assault charges today. Jon, whose biggest claim to fame was a guest stint on America's Next Top Model, bring to light a horrible truth about the fashion industry: that the one straight man in it is a rapist and pedophile.
Raffaello Follieri, the con-man who duped Ron Burkle and other investors with claims of ties to the Vatican (but will always be referred to as Anne Hathaway's ex) does not find prison to be the Trump Towers he is normally accustomed to.
A letter from his lawyer reveals that Follieri has blood in his urine and finds poop on the wall of the shower! And the place "smells really bad." Ew, so disgusting! So vile! So utterly Les Miserables!
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It's been awhile since the world heard from Jeffrey Epstein, since the "eccentric" billionaire's been locked away in prison for soliciting sex from underage prostitutes. But it turns out the man watched his Oz before getting kicked into the slammer: Epstein's already spent $1250 during the first 3 months of his year and a half prison stint, mostly on small edible items that should be easy to trade with White Power Bob as to avoid a smackdown.
'Conrad Black is lecturing fellow prisoners about his own life under the guise of a course on American history, it was revealed today. His highly anticipated talks to inmates and guards have been labelled "narcissistic" rather than educational. The peer and former Daily Telegraph publisher is five months into a six-and-a-half-year jail term at Florida's Coleman federal prison following his conviction for fraud and obstruction of justice. His talks have been so eagerly awaited they have been moved from the library to a bigger venue within the prison to accommodate demand. But sources inside the jail suggest his much-vaunted lectures are more an exercise in vanity. One inmate-student said they "frequently devolve into a lesson in narcissism as Black spends most of the class spinning yarns about his career accomplishments". [...] Dubbed "Lordy" by his fellow inmates, reports suggest he has organised his cellmate to act as his butler, gofer and cleaner. After initial jail work as a dishwasher, he has been "upgraded" to work in the library, where he has virtually unlimited access to newspapers and email. [...] A source said: "Conrad remains very snobbish, despite having the same daily routine as all the other prisoners. He said he was shocked by how uneducated most of his fellow inmates were.' [TIL]
The sale of ImClone stock that got Martha Stewart into some insider trading trouble in 2001 was not only a stupid personal decision, it was a bad business move. Stewart sold her 3,928 shares at $58 a each, supposedly because she had an agreement with her broker to unload the stock if it fell below $60 a share, and not because she had insider info that the FDA would, the next day, decline ImClone's application for cancer drug Erbitux. Turns out, if only Stewart had held on to the stock, she never would've been sent to prison, never would've had to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet, and actually would've made more money — ImClone is now trading at more than $63 a share, courtesy Bristol-Myers Squibb today offering to buy the remaining part of ImClone it doesn't own for, yep, $60 a share. Stewart's 2001 sale nabbed her $227,824; today, her shares would be work more than $250k. Savvy entrepreneur, indeed.
When Foxy Brown walks of out prison, she wants a receiving line of fans to cheer her release. Having served eight months of her 12-month sentence for assaulting two manicurists, she's finally make her big exit today, and "wants fans waving banners and wearing Foxy Brown T-shirts to be waiting for her in the parking lot of the notorious correctional facility." No, it's not to boost her ego, silly — it's to boost her career. VH1 will have a reality TV crew there to capture it all for her upcoming show, which will chronicle her march back to the life of a free woman … a free woman her publics stopped caring about until she pulled a Naomi. Too bad Riker's Island ain't having it.
Grey Area: "Black to Keep Fighting to Avoid Prison," barks the teaser on IWantMedia's generally helpful news roundup. Which sounded awfully funny and just the slightest bit racist until we realized the "Black" in question was just douchey press baron Lord Conrad Black of Crossharbour trying to weasel his way out of his amazingly lenient 6.5 year jail sentence. [Reuters]
Update: The AP is reporting that Conrad Black was sentenced to 6 1/2 years in federal (i.e. "Pound You Up The Ass") prison for "swindling shareholders in his Hollinger International media empire out of millions of dollars."
And this time around, we're guessing the white collared offender won't be issued a presidential pardon.
Earlier: Convicted Press Baron Conrad Black Faces Up To 30 Years In The Clink
Having had some time to reflect on what he's done, money siphoner Conrad Black is still fully convinced that he was well within his right to screw Hollinger International shareholders by pilfering over $7 million of company funds to spend entirely on himself. Why? Because, in the self-righteous words of Black himself, "'I will not re-enact the French Revolutionary renunciation of the rights of the nobility."
Hear, hear!
Unfortunately, the concept of a "Robin Hood who steals from the rich and gives to the richer," failed to resonate with juries, and they convicted the pompous felon (now facing 20-30 years in federal prison) of myriad fraud charges. Natch, Black and his legal beagles have argued that it would be a miscarriage of justice to let the conviction stand, both because Black is innocent of any wrongdoing and slightly discomfited by the prospect of life in the pokey.
Prisons to purge books on faith from chapel libraries, thereby making it infinitely harder for convicted ax-murders to unconvincingly find Jesus. [NYT]
Apparently swayed by the hard-nosed "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" precedent set by celebrity offenders Martha Stewart, Joe Francis and Paris Hilton, a court has reportedly sentenced White House "fall guy" Scooter Libby to 30 months in the slammer for taking the blame for a much larger scale Bush administration conspiracy lying to federal investigators and obstructing justice.
Reports CNN:
I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, was sentenced today to 30 months in prison for lying to investigators in the CIA leak case. He also was fined $250,000. Libby was found guilty in March of lying about what he told reporters about CIA operative Valerie Plame.
While Scooter is said to be unhappy with the court's decision, he has already scheduled an appointment at a top D.C. day spa for a "John Edwards" haircut, a facial and full chemical peel, and a session with a top makeup artist "Christoff" immediately prior to becoming a guest of the state, and plans to spend the bulk of his 2-3 years behind bars commencing work on his next erotic novel.
Our advice for Scooter? Tell everyone you're going to rehab instead. It's much more en vogue, and with luck, most people won't figure out that you're actually incarcerated for at least another year or two.
Of course, if all else fails, just have your bestie/former drinking buddy George W. cut you a presidential pardon.
Or, you know, suck it up. We hear the trick is to kick someone's ass the first day or become someone's bitch…
Bloggers are joining the ranks of real journalists — in jail.
The Committee to Protect Journalists found that for the second year in a row, the figures for jailed journos is on the rise. But it's no longer print reporters, editors, and photogs who are clogging prison systems; bloggers and, ahem, "online reporters" (as if there's a difference) now come in as the second largest group behind bars. (Some TV, radio, and documentary folks make up the rest of the list.)
China, Cuba and Ethiopia, and Eritrea top the list of imprisoners, saying something about "national security," "subversion," and "treason" as excuses for shackles.
All of which sucks, no doubt. But when we asked a media insider (also known as the LCD screen on our coffeemaker) about it, he replied, "It's still better than being kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents!" And how.
It's the type of story that brings together two issues so dear to our hearts – porn and prison – that it's hard not to consider dropping our current gigs and joining the advocacy effort to get Swank Extreme and High Society back inside Indiana's detention centers. Two Indiana Department of Correction captives are hoping for class action status – to represent some 20,000 jailed souls – for their lawsuit that claims a law barring publications that have nudity or sexual content from entering the facility violates their rights. Cute, right?
"The policy is written so broadly that it includes within its prohibitions such things as personal letters between prisoners and loved ones and much of the world's great literature and art," said the complaint, which was prepared by the American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana.
One of the two plaintiffs named in the complaint is Ernest Tope, 53, an inmate at the Pendleton Correctional Facility near Anderson who is serving a life sentence for murder. He claims he cannot subscribe to the motorcycle magazine Easyriders because it contains partial nudity.
The policy may also may bar books such as steamy novels by the best-selling author Jackie Collins that have been available in the past through the prison library, the lawsuit claims.
And don't forget the National Geographics. Sometimes a fella just wants to look at a pair of Sudanese tits every now and then, and really, do we need to deprive him of that right?
Inmates Sue to Overturn Nude Magazine Ban [Ken Kusmer, AP]
