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Please join us in wishing a Happy Big Fat Gay Wedding to uber-flack Stephen Huvane and his new husband artist Steven Janssen. (Yes, that's two Stephens, for those keeping track.) If you non-celebrity media types don't immediately recognize Huvane's name, this should help you: He was the publicist just threatening Today with yanking clients like Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Kirsten Dunst after the NBC show invited Us Weekly's Janice Min for an Ann Curry gabfest about Aniston's supposed (confirmed!) engagement to Vince Vaughn. You know, the story where Aniston – in the utmost unlikelihood for a celeb – went to such lengths as going directly to People to deny the story.

Yeah, that Stephen Huvane (the man also behind Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's prank publicity wedding and part of the fighting force trying to keep Jennifer Aniston's topless weed smoking photos out of the public eye). On Saturday he invited about sixty guests — who were instructed to show up at Demi and Ashton's Beverly Hills home. But that was just a security tactic; the real wedding took place down the street at the home of Stephen's brother Kevin (as in the CAA agent behind Aniston, Jake Gyllenhall, Julianne Moore, and Nicole Kidman).

As you can tell from this clusterfuck of interconnected Hollywood smarm, the guest list read like an Oscar after-party: Aniston (there with a girlfriend), Dunst, Demi and Ashton, etc.

"It was a chance for both the families to come together and to show them they were in a committed relationship," we hear from one of the guests. While there was no live band, three open bars kept guests liquored up. Though perhaps too liquored up? Some were wondering how Huvane could be getting married when he's been spotted with at least three guys in the past year alone. Ouch.

So where are all the photos from such a star studded event? Well, the photo agencies decided to take a pass. Not enough value in aerial shots of the festivities, as it's hard to zoom in on Kirsten Dunst' nostrils from up there.

We know how confusing the whole Hollywood scene can be. Especially for New Yorkers. Trying to remember who reps who and which agency has split from which or merged with someone else … it can be more difficult that trying to keep track of who Paris Hilton is pretending not to sleep with.

But in today's focus-on-Hollywood article (which is either about Jim Carrey leaving his agent, Hollywood agents splitting up, or why Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn keep getting cast in horrible movies) the Times includes a very helpful Ven Diagram to explain to us removed New Yorkers exactly how things work.

Click to Enlarge

Unlike Entourage which only confuses us more with their Gold/Miller group – which is completely different from the one represented here – the diagrams really do help.

Just one thing: who gets to keep Jennifer Aniston?

Not So Funny Anymore [Sharon Waxman, New York Times]

David Pecker, the head of AMI (which includes Star and Enquirer) is dumping his PR flaks at Freud Communications, and returning to the old flak Richard Valvo.

His contract with Freud Communications expires at the end of the month, so he's returning to Richard Valvo, who was on staff as his in-house mouthpiece until February 2004. AMI has missed its deadline for reporting results for the past fiscal year three times and is now scheduled to report the numbers in October.

We thought people at AMI could drive the company into the ground and still get resigned? No? Then this must just be more proof that the re-signing of Bonnie Fuller was a miracle.

DEJA VU FLAK [Page Six]

Since we don't cover politics, it's not a huge surprise that we didn't receive a press release like this. However, we can't ignore that the inbox of Ben Smith at the Daily News is being flooded with "death publicity" emails. As you may have heard, Texas Governor Ann Richards (who said she didn't want to be known for keeping a clean house and told George Bush Sr. he was born with a silver foot in his mouth) died yesterday at 73.

And her "dear friend" Ben Barnes would like to take this opportunity to promote his new memoir, Barn Burning Barn Building. There's nothing like the death of a famous friend to make a few bucks. Full press release, after the jump.

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The lead up to Katie Couric's kick-off tonight on CBS News has been anything but the smooth travels one would expect with a $10 million promotional campaign from war-torm Viacom. With so much at stake – like pulling CBS's news broadcast out of third place – TV news insiders are wondering why 1515 Broadway has let in-house PR honcho Gil Schwartz continue to handle its huge projects after continual blunders.

Last week's Watch magazine flub – where a slimmed-down version of Couric appeared, without her knowledge, on the cover of the for-CBS-staffers pub – was only the latest in a series of publicity nightmares. CBS News, and Katie in particular, have been adamant about downplaying any sense of gender bias at the anchor desk; the Watch Photoshopping certainly didn't help. The network's talking heads, like Dana McClintock, were quick to throw blame at CBS's promotions department (helmed by Schwartz) for the gaff and, as TVWeek yesterday reported, CBS News president Sean McManus is now laying blame on a sole graphics staffer — who will remain employed.

For Schwartz – whose official title is "executive vice president of communications for CBS Corp." – the Watch debacle is just another malfeasance headboard notch. Which, as insiders point out, isn't surprising given his gig at CBS is only one part of his employment roster: He's also very busy promoting his alter ego Stanley Bing, the Esquire and Forbes columnist and author. And he was doing just that in 2004 during Nipplegate, when Janet Jackson's exposed teet drew the wrath of Middle America and the FCC. Schwartz-Bing made the cable show rounds, we're told, but did more book promotion than network defending.

Elsewhere, when Dan Rather's Memogate scandal broke in September '04, Schwartz could be seen hitting the lunch circuit at Michael's — and little else. Ditto in 2003, when CBS touted its The Reagans miniseries but had to scrap its sweeps week run and give it to corporate cousin Showtime after backlash arose from supposed factual gaps.

Says one TV news insider:

Perhaps if he spent fewer afternoons at Michael's promoting himself and more time protecting his talent, he wouldn't be regarded as an industry joke. He was pants'd in a huge way before one of the biggest program launches in the network's history — that tells you all you need to know about Gil and his PR acumen. Katie must be furious.

As millions of Americans are set to tune in tonight to see what Katie Couric will be wearing – and reporting – the man responsible for ensuring a solid debut could just as well be working on his next manuscript.

For as many months as we can count back, we've served as the receiving end of a wide variety of emails and phone calls from folks looking to get in touch with the very people we write about. And we're not talking about Jennifer Aniston fans asking us to pass along their congratulation notes to her and Vince Vaughn. Nah, we mean bonafide, reputable PR, production, and merchandising outlets mistaking us – Jossip! – for the actual people, places, and things we write about. If you're still confused, consider Rubenstein PR emailing the New York Times to ask about this Mahmoud Ahmadinejad fellow to see if he needs representation.

Yes, perhaps it's hard for the average (former) Celebrity Living reader to find the contact information for the magazine to inquire about a missing subscription. And where else to turn but us, especially when we're the No. 2 Google result. And then there was the TV production company who emailed in, looking to talk to one of our writers named Jessica Joffe (perhaps because we're Jessica's No. 1 Google result?)

And today we've got a flack at Praco Public Relations emailing us – at an email address that very clearly ends in @jossip.com – thinking she's reaching out to the "newly" announced Sherman's Travel magazine. (And this time we're only in Google's Top 5.)

Hello,

We recently came across your publication, Sherman’s Travel, and thought it might be a nice fit for our Colorado Tourism Account. Currently we are working through an analysis process with numerous publications and websites. We would love to add your publication and website to the mix.

Please call me to discuss. 719-XXX-XXXX

Thank you for your prompt response as we are at the end of the analysis and if you are interested, we would need your proposals as soon as possible.

Best,

XXXXX

So let this serve as a stern warning to all who enter our domain name. We are not Jessica Joffe. We are not Celebrity Living or Sherman's Travel. We are not Toby Young, Robert Stack, Stephanie Green, Jeff Bercovici, either of Katie Couric's two assistants, or Meredith Vieira's dog Jasper.

While some blogs took the bait from the abnormally blog-savvy marketers behind the e-book Pocket Change, we're proud to say we did not. On Friday we brought you the brilliant scam to build publicity for the manuscript: Hire interns to line up J-Dates for Richard Nouveau, author of the e-book who doesn't actually exist, and have them all show up (white rose in hand) expecting to be wined and dined by a European businessman.

So what happened when the 100 invited women were supposed to show at Fat Baby for their rendezvous? Nothing, probably, except the receipt of at least three emails purportedly written by duped women. Or, you know, Pocket Change's publicists.

The first:

huge dick- you have got to post this

So this bastard, Richard Nouveau, he's a real jerk. And I don't mean like jock-jerk. He's slimy. OK, so here's what happened: I was early for our date at Fat Baby and I'm holding a damn white rose, thinking how lame it was, and soon enough I see a dozen, then two dozen single women meander to the bar, each with a white rose in their hand. Elimidate? Oh no no, it soon played itself out. Women talk, Richard. He scammed me into believing his self-indulgent antics. Maybe he is really rich and yes, a fantastic dresser, and he has so much charm and wit that a hundred women agreed to date him. But perhaps some of the desperate broads will call him back and reschedule for another date, but maybe he'll get a cute flaming bag of dog shit and a white rose as a consolation prize.

The second:

bastard: Richard Nouveau
I met a guy named Richard Nouveau on jdate (I feel so stupid even writing his name). We set up a date for last night, we even talked on the phone twice. When I showed up at the bar, looking hot I might add, there were about 50, which turned into well over 100 other women looking to meet Richard there. I know you've covered richard and his antics already but after much research, I found out that Richard doesn’t even exist. Second, this is another promotional stunt done by a new stupid daily candy rip-off called pocket change; any slander by you is appreciated. These guys need to go down.

If you need a first hand account I will tell it all, but something must be done to these people they are screwing with peoples lives.

And the third:

Hilarious prank - go Richard
I met a guy named Richard Nouveau on jdate, strange character, I knew something was awkward, but he was really hot. We scheduled a date for last night. I went and supposedly he had scheduled like 50 dates all on JDATE. It was the funniest thing I have seen in my entire life. Richard is a genius. These girls were so pissed, so many of them were threatening revenge…funniest thing I have ever seen. You should have been there.

Bonus points to the adept publicists for at least bothering to do a follow-up with their sneaky PR campaign.

Earlier: Like You Needed Another Reason Not to Find Men on JDate

Barnes & Noble book signings? So over. Book parties? Played out. Setting up fake dates with would-be readers to generate buzz? The best use of public relations know-how we've seen since John Paulus used Clay Aiken to launch a porn career.

The new e-book Pocket Change (yeah, e-books, we know: blech) is making publishing interesting for us once again. We haven't figured out who, exactly, is behind the book, but they've managed to combine the best free labor (interns) with the biggest Jewish captive audience (JDate) to create 100 worst dates. Simultaneously. Says the press release:

This could be pushing it too far.

Pocket Change, a new e-publication launching the 24th of May, has invented Richard Nouveau, its fictitious Editor at Large and is pimping him all over jdate.

The plan is to set up 100 dates all on the same day (May 23rd, the day before launch), at the same restaurant and at the same time. All 100 women will show up looking to meet Richard, the man with whom they have been emailing, speaking, and IM’ing for the last month (when he was supposedly in London for business).

Dates will receive complimentary champagne and an invitation to the official Pocket Change launch party.

Through a series of risky viral campaigns, Pocket Change aims integrate this fabricated socialite into the Manhattan scene while propagating the mystery of exactly “who is Richard Nouveau?”

“We have such faith in New Yorkers, that we believe in a matter of weeks, people will be boasting of first hand encounters and relationships with Richard,” says Pocket Change creators. “If this promotion produces nothing but a bunch of angry women, well that’s ok. Angry women talk.”

Do tell us: When was the last time you met up with someone who stretched the truth in his online profile — and you agreed to go on a second rendezvous with him?

Note: At this point, we're pretty sure Chris Wilson had nothing to do with the Jaguar junket crap situation, though he was indeed on the trip. From here on out, please substitute Wilson's name for the actual (read: alleged) culprit.

As you all may have heard by now, the Daily News continued their attack on Page Six by publishing a little gossip on Sixer Chris Wilson last week.

Yes, yes, he went to Napa, he went on a paid press junket for Jaguar, and the car company paid for it.

The junket included round-trip airfare, meals, drinks, his hotel stay, and the opportunity to drive vintage Jaguars around the Napa Valley, according to Anne Kleinert, a spokeswoman for Jaguar.

Big deal, right? Jag paid for some stuff … it happens. Mercedes-Benz did the same for Richard Johnson, after all. We just hope the junket also included fire insurance with a drunken ass protection clause, because we hear that Wilson allegedly had himself quite a shit show over in Napa. Literally.

After what sounds like was an exorbitant amount of partying, Wilson is rumored to have had a bit of an "accident" in the hotel room's sheets. (Think Trainspotting.) Wilson's solution to this issue? Burn the hotel's sheets in the room's fire place. Obviously. In the end, we're told Jaguar allgedly picked up the bill for damages – estimated with a window wider than Anthony Pelicano's net – that totaled somewhere between six and twenty-two thousand dollars. Smoke damage, we're assuming.

It's about 5 a.m. in Napa right now, so we have to wait a few hours before we place calls to the hotel room, but don't you worry. Once the rest of the country wakes up, we'll be all over it. (Oh, and if you happen to know which Napa hotel the Jaguar junket was actually at — or any other information related to Wilson crapping his sheets — send it on over to tattle@jossip.com.)

In the meantime, we'll leave you with your dirty thoughts on Chris Wilson — ideal candidate for Paris Hilton's next boyfriend.

Update: The New York Post isn't very happy with us, understandably. They're claiming the story isn't true at all and would like a retraction and apology. You know, the same things many a Page Six subject asks for to no avail. Unfortunately, nobody at Jaguar is yet returning our calls, but we'll keep you posted.

Update 2: Turns out our original information may have been incorrect. Could the Jaguar junket crapper actually be Guy Cimbalo, the new editor of ShockU.com? Details here.

Wasn't it, uhm, just this morning we revved up our Press Release Parade? Why yes, yes it was. Well get ready for an afternoon dose, courtesy America's Next Top Model. That's right, again.

Tyra Banks' celebration of empty hope is finally grasping this whole blogger phenom — and hopes some of them will give a shit that she's only holding eight photo cards for nine contestants.

WHO: This week’s eliminee will participate in a blogger press conference via telephone and will be available for questions regarding her experiences on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL Cycle 6. *Please note, she is not able to answer any questions that could possibly reveal the order of future eliminations or speculate on who may win.

WHAT: AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL Cycle 6 press teleconference. Bloggers will be able to call in to the teleconference and ask questions directly to the eliminee. Once you RSVP, the call-in number and passcode to access the press conference will be sent via e-mail the morning of the event to credentialed bloggers only.

After the jump, you're cordially invited to waste your cell phone minutes on a conference call with PR flacks trying to use you.

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If you haven't noticed, our inbox is a veritble compost pile of press releases aimed at generating a modicum of interest. At least one PR company is smart: They name dropped the Oscars, Tyra Banks, and Versace — which at least got us through the first couple graphs. The rest of it is all your responsibility, if only because we don't read about any dude that goes by "Miss J."

Every since E! Entertainment's ceremonious firing of Robert Verdi as the "official" Fashion Police, fashionistas have been abuzz (especially young American fashion designers) and singing the praises of their new found champion - Jay Alexander. As most would spend many hours chatting away over the injustice of the Armani, Versace and Wang clad red carpets, many young designers felt that their wonderfully and artfully crafted stunners would never see the light of day. But all this is changing…

This change is currently being attributed to none other than Jay Alexander or Miss J, as he is so lovingly referred to by Tyra Banks on her hit show America's Next Top Model. During the airing of consecutive episodes of the Fashion Police following three major award shows (Grammys, Golden Globes and Sag Awards) Mr. Alexander has constantly urged Hollywood celebs to pay more attention to upcoming designers and less to the same old designers that do
nothing but weigh down the carpet in boredom.

Great advice! Just the way to get the winner of Project Runway – and only the winner of Project Runway – to pay attention to you.

The rest of the misery, after the jump.

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No, the Oscar items will not stop. And neither will Press Release Parade, given that it's a parade and all. Today's incarnation? An attempt by IMAX to rip Reese Witherspoon's golden statue from her Ryan Phillippe-caressed hands for their own benefit.

And, we gotta say, nicely done!

REESE WINS ACROSS THE BOARD: FANS, CRITICS AND THE ACADEMY AGREE SHE’S GOLD!

IMAX Fans Voted Reese Witherspoon Most-Worthy of the Ultimate Movie Experience with 43%

WHAT:
Before the Oscar wins were official, movie fans gave Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line) 43% of the vote as THE Oscar-nominated performer they’d most like to see in the unparalleled clarity and crispness of IMAX – previewing her win at last night’s awards show.

The full release, after the jump.

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Continuing our brand new feature Press Release Parade – wherein we dump needless (and thankless) attempts at generating buzz into your lap – we're pleased to bring you the latest flack-heavy note we received. Scraped from our inbox today:

I noticed that you are a big fan of Project Runway and often comment on it. Here is a fun idea for your readers…..

New Yorker's always find a reason to party! This Wednesday, Bravo will be airing the Project Runway Season Finale. This seasons finale party should be as stylish as the clothes and trends that walk down the runway - so what better way than to make your own party stylish than with the most "ubiquitous fashion accessory of New York Fashion Week" - the Ecco-tini, as featured in the Wall Street Journal.

The fashion forward Ecco-tini features the attractively priced, 2005 Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio served in a stylish martini glass with skewed white grapes. Ecco Domani is available at retailers nationwide at a suggested price of $11. Please find an image attached.

Don't get us wrong — we're truly appreciative the note was personalized for our benefit. Any flack who cares is certainly a friend of ours.

Earlier: Press Release Parade: M.C. Hammer regains relevance for one night only

In our continued effort to remind you that 86.7 percent of the public relations industry is smoking crack, we bring you the latest email goodie bag, courtesy The Roxy.

M.C. HAMMER HEADLINES MANHATTAN MARDI GRAS
Crystal Waters Also Performs
Michael Lucas & Robin Byrd crowned as King and Queen of Mardi Gras
Hosted by Reichen Lehmkuhl ("The Amazing Race" winner)
75 Go-Go Dancers & Performers
A Benefit for NO/AIDS, the New Orleans AIDS Task Force

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28
THE ROXY
515 West 18 Street

After the jump, find out which song M.C. Hammer will bring out the bling for. (Actually, you already know the answer, but click anyway.)

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It's hard not to feel bad for publicists sometimes. Not all of them are bad people, you know — it's just that their paychecks are often signed by bad clients. And, well, it's their job to shamelessly promote said clients as if their last sugarfree Red Bull depended on it. That doesn't mean we want to hear from them outside of asking where they should send a case of Ketel One.

So when we heard from the otherwise fine folks at OutCast Communications, we initially ignored them. They wanted to tell us all about postage stamps printed with the red kissed lips of celebrities that were being sold on Zazzle.com. Sure, it's all the name of charity (the Humane Society) — but don't think wielding some non-profit in front of our faces will get us to undergird your cause.

And neither will name dropping the likes of Rachel Bilson, Amy Smart, Margaret Cho, Carrie Underwood, and Gene Simmons.

But Benji? You had us at heh-ro.

Zazzle [Official Site]

We're hearing rumors that Jessica Simpson, hot off getting dumped by uber publicist Brad Cafarelli, is signing with also-uber publicist Rob Shuter. You know, the Dan Klores honcho who just dropped Paris Hilton.

A call to Rob's office was met with an low talking office lackey who promised to get back to us.

We love a world where clients can hire their handlers and handlers can fire their clients.

UPDATE: Well look at that, somebody does love us. Rob confirms to us that he and Jessica have been working together – "officially – since Friday. You can next see Jessica .. at home with her family for Thanksgiving. And as for Rob vs. Brad, the official word is that they're "friends" and Brad would like nothing more than you to ignore those harsh stories circulating about his fall out with Simpson. Okay, we're done being the talking head for the talking heads.

In the latest round of publicists feeding their own publicity machines, Jonathan Cheban has been paired with Brittny Gastineau, but not in the Lizzie Grubman, business-is-business sort of way. This relationship is anything but platonic, with dinners at Nobu and Mr. Chow plus play dates at the Roxy.

And! And! And! Hair stroking at Bungalow 8.

"He was stroking her hair all night, and they left at 3:30 and got into a black town car together," says the spy.

We can already tell this isn't going to last. If it were true love, Brittny would be stroking his hair.

(Image via Gawker)