"I will not be commenting on the various reports regarding the divorce or of the settlement which has not been finalized." —Madonna's publicist Liz Rosenberg, who would probably lie in her statement anyhow.
WTK publicist Annett Wolf is working overtime to ruin relationships with the press.
After lying to Page Six about Patrick Swayze's medical condition, Wolf, seen here with client Ted Danson and wife Mary Steenburgen, is now issuing false statements to anyone who will listen.
In a statement released earlier this week, Wolf said: "Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is currently undergoing treatment. Patrick is continuing his normal schedule during this time, which includes working on upcoming projects."
Actually, that's not the case if this OK! magazine report is to be believed. "Reports have Swayze playing the role of a gay cheerleading instructor in the romantic comedy Fired Up!, but a rep for producers of the film (currently filming in Los Angeles) say that although Swayze was once attached to the film, he withdrew from the film 'three weeks to a month ago.' The role is currently being played by John Michael Higgins (Wag the Dog)."
If there's one thing a gossip column hates, it's lying publicists and the lies lying publicists tell. So imagine where Patrick Swayze's rep Annett Wolf now stands with Page Six, after last month telling the column her client only had a "gastrointestinal procedure" and was doing just fine. After the National Enquirer broke the news that Swayze actually has pancreatic cancer (and, supposedly, five weeks to live), Wolf insisted it was Swayze who gave her the bad info. Uh huh. Wolf also reps Kiefer Sutherland, so when you've got a tip that that 24 star fell off the wagon, don't believe her spin.
As much as we like to tease them relentlessly, Page Six occasionally knocks one right out of the park. And that's exactly what happened with today's lead story on "McCartney's peg-legged ex," Heather Mills.
The highlight? The part where Mills' new French publicist Michele Elyzabeth tries to suggest that it's not, in fact, Heather who's crazy. It's the media! Something Mills and Elyzabeth plan to rectify by cutting off access to the uncooperative (read: negative) press outlets effective immediately. Unfortunately, that whole "What Would Stalin Do?" mantra has not made the former topless model completely impervious to full-scale tabloid attacks.
Some of our closest friends are publicists. Some of the people we regularly refer to as "Are you fucking kidding me?" are also publicists. In this post, we're referring to the latter.
Specifically, to the flack who sent us a note today about a new online event planning service — and asked us to slap our name on a quote he supplied to us for a press release being issued tomorrow to coincide with National Coming Out Day.
We declined.
But in the interest of supporting the gays, allow us to issue this statement: "'These new GLBT online invitations represent a deep understanding of the needs of an important demographic,' said XXXXX, XXXXX. 'We applaud [company redacted] for offering product features that demonstrate forward thinking on this important day.'"
There.
We've been in this space before. It's the space where we take time out of our grueling 3.5 hour workday to school legions of publicists on how to approach us blog types. Especially the blog types far too cynical to open most emails sent from PR firm domains. (That'd be us.)
Tenured publicists understand how to traffic in standard gossip columns: Feed a semi-scandalous tidbit about a HBO celebrity you saw Cannes this week, and perhaps your luxury liquor client will score a mention next week.
We don't work that way. Mostly because we default to Kettle One even without a gossip item trade. But also because there's no real back-scratching here. Got a great item? We'll run it, even if we don't owe you a favor!
What we won't tolerate, however, is when flacks prepare an item in gift wrap and bows and then messenger it over with the expectation we'll copy and paste it onto the site. CONTINUED »
Know what we super-duper love, with cherries on top? When publicists write our items for us! Let us tell you, it ain't easy spitting out three, sometimes four dozen words about people, places, and things we wish would just go away so we could go back to having a normal Ketel-One-at-noon habit like our unemployed and trust fund friends. So when a well-meaning flack writes in with item suggestions, we're forever in their debt.
Our savior today is Ketchum PR, which reps consumer brands like Kodak, Cingular, and FedEx. They also represent Cadbury's Stride Gum, which, wouldn't you know, threw a party yesterday evening — on the longest day of the year! It was at Teddy's, and celebrities showed up. Like Ashlee Simpson, who of course didn't get an appearance fee.
And it's Ketchum's duty to get the word out, so they've crafted some "items" for us to run.
The generously pre-packaged gossip, after the jump!
Editorial Director
