• Victoria Beckham to perform with the Pussycat Dolls, presumably because she encapsulates their unique brand of slim physique and questionable vocals.

• Meanwhile, Mariah Carey is mistaken for Britney Spears, presumably due to her propensity for gaining weight and history of cinematic abortions.

• Salma Hayek gives birth, but the world was too busy staring at Nicole Richie's protruding belly to notice.

• Finally! Someone admits Sex and the City would have been a whole lot sexier if the women on the show were still pre-menopausal.

• Jennifer Aniston has never looked happier than she does on the set of He's Just Not That Into You. Does anyone else find that strangely disconcerting?

We don't always read Page Six because we want to. Sometimes, we read it because we have to. And today, the Sixers went ahead and told us something about Katie Couric we really would have preferred not to know.

Couric tells More magazine, "At 'Today,' I seemed to be enjoying myself, I seemed to be fun-loving. 'We really liked her in the morning' - that's what the old viewers say. But now - well, they seem to think it's like I've had a lobotomy or a personality change." Hey, Katie's still fun-loving - More reports her cellphone rings to the tune of the Pussycat Dolls' sexually charged hit with the lyrics, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me."

Oh, no! Unfortunately, Katie just missed the deadline for Search for the Next Pussycat Doll! In fact, the show picked a winner this very week. And for those of you who missed it, the newest Doll is…Katie Couric Asia, the (former) Knicks City Dancer and (current) 18 year-old mom.

But that notwithstanding, don't you wish your aging, disconcertingly perky tv news anchor of a girlfriend was a "freak" like Katie Couric?

• Fun and confident. That's what Ann Shoket's new Seventeen is all about.

• Star Jones back on daytime. Here's hoping her Court TV gabfest has Star sparring with The View's timeslot.

• Ann Coulter put quote marks around "faggot." And so she gets a pass.

• "Honestly confident." That's how new NBC Nightly News exec producer Alexandra Wallace feels about landing back in first place by April. How will she get there? A little thing we like to call … a prayer.

• The Office star Rashida Jones is half-Jewish. Also, half-black. Doubly disadvantaged?

• Josh Duhamel, ass inspector. But he'll probably tell you he was just touching Fergie's swimsuit because he misses his own.

• Rosie O'Donnell lets it all hang. Upside down. To fight SAD.

CONTINUED »

• Like, seriously guys, Lindsay Lohan wants us to take her acting seriously. We told you Linds, have a baby, and we'll see your movie. [ET]

• Did you know Queen Elizabeth and Hugh Hefner are the same age? Too bad she can't have six hot ripply boyfriends. [Vogue]

• Paris Hilton decided to bet her Bentley away in a game of poker. Actually, it was a game of strip poker, but everyone at the table had already seen her naked, so they took the car instead. [Superficial]

• Jamie Foxx knows how to spend money, sing, and most importantly, screw around [3am]

• Because Gem and Barbie weren't dirty enough, we now have The Pussycat Dolls dolls. The perfect gift for that special little 11-year-old whore in your life. [TMZ]

• Rached Sklar thinks being right is more important than being first. To which we say "psha!" [Mediabistro]

• Madonna's tour will include a "disco-fied crucifix" and a $10 million Swarovski encrusted ball that'll will descend from the ceiling holding her Madgesty. Subtle, as always. [R&M]

• Check out all the coolest band's secret concerts. You know, just an intimate little show — on their MySpace pages. [Stereogum]

• The Pussycat Dolls dolls, only slightly less plastic, creepy, and annoying than the real live ones. But easier to sleep with. [NYT]

• Eminem has some unclaimed checks that the State of Michigan is holding onto until he picks them up. After divorce number three from Kim, reportedly without a prenup, he may be wanting to get his hands on those. [MSNBC]

• There is a warrant for The Game's arrest in North Carolina, after the rapper missed a court appearance in March. Sometimes the fuzz has to hate both the playa and the game. [MTV]

• The Beastie Boys admit to being old, out of touch, and wishing that Dolly Parton had won the Academy Award. So, you should check out their new, hip, documentary! [Reuters]

• Nick Cannon pouts because Christina Milian may have written some songs bad-mouthing him. And Lloyd Grove is the only person in the world who cares. [Lowdown]

• If the Pussycat Dolls take over our TV, then we guess, out of force, we'll go to the movies more. [Billboard]

• Kevin Federline is even more worthless than previously believed. By donating his hair to Locks of Love, he is now determined to make kids with cancer cry. [Lowdown]

• Indie band The Decemberists have signed to Capital Records. Frontmand Colin Meloy is reportedly happy that thier music will reach a wider audience, or, um, that he'll be making an assload more money. [Pitchfork]

• Foo Fighters touring buddies The Kaiser Chiefs claim Dave Grohl forces Jagerbombs on 'em as soon as they leave the stage. Anything to make Grohl more bearable, we suppose. [NME]

• The dates for this spring's Coachella festival have been announced. Though the line-up won't be revealed for a few more weeks, speculation for who will perform in front of 50,000 people suffering from heat stroke and dehydration includes U2 and former headliners Coldplay. [LA Weekly]

• Ashanti is hoping that since the Gotti's have been found innocent, her career can get back in the right track — because that was the only thing holding you and Ja Rule back. [VH1]

• The Pussycat Dolls hang one to the number one spot on the UK charts, despite their difficulties in the "talent" department and the fact that the single is called "Stickwitu." [BBC]

• Run, don't walk, to your nearest music store, because this week's new releases hold the solutions to all your holiday shopping problems. Angsty male in your life? Eminem's Curtain Call, of course. Angsty female in your life? Alanis Morrisette's Greatest Hits. Anyone else? Why Ms. Lindsay Lohan's newest masterpiece, natch. [AllMusic]

• Michael Palmieri, the director for The Strokes newest video has taken his name off the project after seeing the ways MTV censored it for air. Palmieri has provided the uncut version on his website, so that everyone can enjoy the full extent of it's woman/animal relations. [Spin]

• ABBA sees Madonna's sampling their song in "Hung Up" as a tribute. Because a 47 year-old woman prancing around in a leotard imitating you is always an honor. [NME]

• Young Buck has struck a deal with L.A. prosecutors in regard to the violence at last year's Vibe Awards. Though the details cannot be talked about until the 12th, but we're going to go ahead and assume that money is involved. [MTV]

• The Pussycat Dolls who, in case you were confused, preach female empowerment ("don't cha wish your girlfriend was a feminist like me?"), think "there's a Pussycat Doll inside every girl." Meow. [AP]