• When Pete Doherty paints something with his own blood and it's called "art." Yet, when a serial killer does it, it's called sociopathic insanity. Go figure. [NME]

• Avril Lavigne gets tips from Richard Gere on how to have a long, illustrious barely noticeable acting career. [MTV]

• It seems that 50 Cent is becoming quite the movie star these days. As we always say, better him than Paris Hilton. [Billboard]

• An R.Kelly concert is reviewed by a reporter from Reuters. Awkwardness and hilarity ensues. [AOL]

• Barack Obama and Neil Young are running buddies now. The future of our country just got a little brighter. [AOL]

• Jann Wenner isn't only screwing over Nick Lachey, he's also cutting back on The Strokes' pay-out. Band members retaliate by pouting ironically and giving the "hipster glare" to Wenner for hours. [WWD]

• Grab your holy water — Linda Perry is preparing for the satanic ritual of resurrecting Courtney Love's career. [MTV]

• Jay-Z's road manager admits to doing what sixteen-year-old girls everywhere could not: hitting R. Kelly. with some pepper spray. [Hip Hop Game]

• During his concert at Madison Square Garden last night, Van Morrison barely sang or acknowledged the crowd. And they say gas is overpriced. [NYT]

• Duncan Sheik is such nice guy — most people wouldn't even take the time to beat their sister up for performing at Pianos, let alone actually go and watch her. [Page Six]

• Tom Jones' face is at risk of falling off due to his excessive plastic surgery. Hey, Teri Hatcher, you might want to cancel those next twelve appointments. [MSNBC]

• Music bloggers: Just as morally depraved as real music journalists! [Marathonpacks]

• N'Sync fails to grasp the facts that 1) the world is round and 2)R. Kelly can't keep track of what kind of gun he has. Hey, no one said pop stars were bright. [Onion A.V. Club]

• In response to recent celebrities attacking their assistants with blackberries, Ghostface melted his bling sidekick down so it can't hurt anybody. [MTV]

• As if one "Serialized Pop Song" isn't enough, Stereogum is offering an R. Kelly' DVD to the most inventive idea for a plot-line based on an indie rock band. Cruise over and check out what crazy hippies think about when they're high. [NYT, Stereogum]

• Members of The Smith's are getting together to perform at a cancer benefit in Manchester. Nasty reunion comments from Morrissey, who will be busy brooding, TK. [Billboard]

• Young Buck pleaded no contest to the stabbing charge from last years Vibe Awards. Buck will have to serve three years probation, 80 hours of community service, and most likely hand in one gritty anthem about the experience. [NME]

• Does this mean more bands are going to ask to be our myspace friend? [Coolfer.com ]

• For $300, that gourmet buffet better be full of white powdery candy. (Not for us, guys, for the people who would be caught dead at a Hard Rock New Years party). [Little Steven's Underground Garage]

• 50 Cent and Green Day may have cleaned up at last night's Billboard Awards, but Kanye West is already gearing up to throw a hissy fit if he isn't nominated enough times for Grammys. The nominees are announced Thursday, and West is already "enraged" about a lack of respect. [Billboard, MTV]

• Check out Now That's What I Call Blogging: Volume 62. Even if you missed the first 61 volumes, you won't want to miss such hits as "I Shouldn't Really Say This About My Employer, But…" and "I Really Really Want (A Job In The Media)". [bopuc/weblog]

• Radio Ink released a number of statistics about teen MP3 usage. Not surprisingly, the 12-24 age bracket would rather listen to their MP3 collection than a radio and would rather listen to the radio on the Internet than traditional radio stations. Popular music genres include Urban Contemporary and Rock. Unpopular ones? Country and Hot Adult Contemporary. We're not sure what that is, but it sounds disgusting. [Radio Ink]

• R. Kelly received a rather negative response when he sand the National Anthem to a more "urban" tune, accompanied by step dancers, at a recent fight in Vegas. We should all just be thankful that he didn't turn the "Star Spangled Banner" into a multi-part soap opera, though we're sure he wanted to. [ESPN: Page 2]

• Don't look to see Condoleezza Rice in any "I Love New York" ads anytime soon. After catching a Wednesday night performance of Spamalot (where she was booed when the lights came up), the Secretary of Insensitivity went shopping at Ferragamo on Fifth Avenue. While browsing thousands of dollars in new shoes (replacement dominatrix boots?), a horrified fellow shopper shouted, "How dare you shop for shoes while thousands are dying and homeless!" For being so forward, Condi rewarded her by having her security toss the shopper from the store — and then decided to cut her stay short to, uh, do her job.

• Nice to know Lil' Jon and R. Kelly have their egos intact, even when trapped in an elevator. When a guest at the Sagamore Hotel called a friend to let them know he was stuck, the duo snatched the phone and said, "Go ahead and tell them who you are stuck in the elevator with."

• Even though Michael Lohan is in the pokey for more sins than you can count, it's reassuring to know he still has a song in his heart. In response to daughter Lindsay's upcoming song about her strained relationship with her dad, Michael's come up with this ditty: "I loved and protected you, I was THERE through it all./I do admit, I did at times fall./But these things you know were due to "THEM"/The ones that want to have a piece of my gem!" Though it's Lindsay rocking the rocks, not daddy.

• Blame Bennifer 2.0! Or at least that's what Michael Vartan fans want you to do. After learning the former Jennifer Garner plaything was being written out of Alias, his "fans" started a slander campaign alleging, among other things, that nobody is allowed to mention Vartan's name on the set, everyone present must applaud Garner after each scene, no one can look at Garner going to or from her trailer and cast and crew aren't allowed to speak with her. Oh, and be polite to Ben Affleck, even though Vartan's friends can't stand him.

• What would Janice Dickinson do? Say attendees at her one woman show, not much. Besides starting half an hour late, she forgot her script and couldn't remember how her own stories went. When Bobby Trendy and Kimberly Stewart walked out, you know it's bad.

• So what do you do when your home confinement ends? Leave! Martha Stewart, along with daughter Alexis, was spotted yesterday morning, coffee cup in hand, getting in a caravan of SUVs headed to Westchester County Airport. No word on her destination, but we're betting she's not going to visit her former prison pals in West Virginia.

• Rapper Juvenile has mixed blessings during Katrina. The good news is that he was able to save his entire family, but the bad is that his home is totally destroyed. The rapper is urging that people keep the city in their prayers, and to donate to the Red Cross.

• Victoria Gotti got checked on her breast cancer story, with her longtime publicist Matthew Rich quitting over Gotti's tall tale that was more publicity stunt for the third season of Growing Up Gotti than it was life threatening scare.

• Sharon Osbourne is being accused of orchestrating the pegging of Iron Maiden band members at Ozzfest. She supposedly encouraged Black Sabbath fans to chuck eggs and bottles at the rival band after lead singer Bruce Dickinson slammed metal singers who appear in reality shows.

• R. Kelly is confirmed to be part of this weekend's MTV VMA lineup despite his lingering statutory rape trial. He could deflect all that controversy by going all Britney-Madonna with an Usher smooch.

• Joe Francis' ex Tamara Mellon isn't through with the Girls Gone Wilder. She snuck into the private birthday party of current Francis fling Kimberly Stewart where Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan watched security drag has ass outside.

• Queen Latifah and David Bowie music producer Christian Julian Irwin has gone missing, but not before making a panicked phone call to a friend claiming he was being chased through a ravine.