Rachel Zoe has been so busy with her TV show on Bravo and defending said show against claims that a program based around her is a "pox on humanity" that lately, the famished stylista hasn't had any time to drive us bananas. (Oh wait, bananas are a good thing in Zoe lexicon?)
So as her season of The Rachel Zoe project heads to a glittery finish, we thought we'd bestow a kind word or two upon the non-sandwich-consuming social climber: CONTINUED »
Have you found yourself thumbing through the television dial and stopping on The Rachel Zoe Project, only to become utterly confused, not because you don't understand why Bravo gave this lady her own reality show, but because you cannot understand anything she is saying? Ms. Zoe, the stylist who high-stepped into fame by getting fired by Nicole Richie, speaks her own language. This means she says "bananas" a lot. Also, everything makes her feel like "I would die." You were afraid blogs and text messaging were ruining children's grammar, but it's actually this woman.
So, herewith, a glossary. CONTINUED »
From all reports, bug-eyed Rachel Zoe is not having a good month. Sure, her show just premiered on Bravo, wherein she and her team of "professional stylists" outfit young, rich girls to look like they consist off of Starbucks and cocaine — and she says "bananas" a lot.
But Fashion Week saw some nasty paparazzi astutely/hypocritically heckling the size -4 celbritard for giving young girls body image issues, while Ginia Bellafante used her Times column to call Zoe a "pox on humanity— exploiting an aesthetic of dissipation, invading our collective consciousness and spraying it with dummy dust."
Regardless of your personal feelings towards a woman who recently declared that "she doesn't understand saving for a rainy day," you can't help sympathizing with her current vulnerable position. Which is actually just what that manipulative blond wants: CONTINUED »
Rachel Zoe is that very thin celebrity stylist who transforms her thin clients into boho versions of her younger self, and now she is a celebrity in her own right because people make fun of her, and she has a Bravo reality show , and also she is thin. Okay? Moving along…
So if the paparazzi outside of Calvin Klein's fashion tent had to pick one thing to goad Zoe about, what do you think it would be?
CONTINUED »
Stylist to the starlets Rachel Zoe's new television show premieres tonight. At 11pm. Just in time for you to miss it because there's a Fashion Week party to attend and not a free minute to program your DVR. But The Rachel Zoe Project is on Bravo, which means NBC Universal's media empire most use its powers of synergy to promote the thing. Thus, today's Zoe appearance on the Today show, where she answers the question "Like, why are you making a TV show?" Responds the woman known to the world as Raisinface: Because people were already talking shit about her, and rather than start a MySpace blog to defend herself, she opted to get paid a low five-figure fee per episode to tell her side of things. Also, re: Nicole Richie? Hasn't spoke to her in a year. And re: promoting the anorexic image? Well, of Zoe's 10 current lady clients, none are size zeroes — and she absolutely doesn't promote being super slim for the sake of fashion! Zoe just catches the blame because, well, society wants a scapegoat. And they don't like ugly people. CONTINUED »
"I know there are times I look really ugly on the show," (Zoe) says. "It's OK. It's OK. It is what it is." Missing her uncle's funeral, she says, was especially difficult: "And it was two days before the Oscars! My life is hard. It's hard. Every day, it's hard."
Oh yeah. Sounds epically tragic, like Grizzly Man except the "bears" are Nicole Richie and Perez Hilton. But tune in tomorrow to see which Bravo exec the celebritard designer lent Botox to to score her own half-hour dedication.
MIXED MESSAGES "It's dangerous for me to put myself at the forefront," says Rachel Zoe OF HER NEW BRAVO REALITY SHOW. [FWD]
• Sharon Stone accidentally confuses her dress with a used tampon.
• Jared Leto finally shares his weight loss secret: curry powder and mediocre romps in the sack.
• We never thought we'd actually say this, but Amanda Peet could actually (gulp) benefit from the overpriced services of vapid raisin-face Rachel Zoe.
• Ozzy Osbourne reminds us all you need is sex, drugs, rock n' roll and…Botox?
• A bikini clad Pamela Anderson shows us, Kid Rock why she's still worth sucker-punching Tommy Lee smack in the middle of Alicia Keys' performance at the VMA's for.
• Apparently, the downside to being one of the numerous third world street urchins adopted by Brangelina is you have to sleep in their bed. (Or wait, was that the upside?)
In between sending back a plate of steamed veggies (because it has a "small dollop of sauce" in the middle) tersely informing us that "people should look cute all the time" and readily changing her designer "sunnies" (Zoe speak for "sunglasses") as easily as she changes her own name (lopping off the unglamorous sounding "Zoe Rosenzweig" in favor of the more ethnically neutral "Zoe") stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe opens up to New York Times Magazine writer Lynn Hirschberg and reminds us exactly why she epitomizes everything we hate.
And for those of you not interested in plowing through a six page profile piece about a vapid, soulless woman who's spent more on purses than you have on real estate, allow us to save you the trouble by providing you with a single paragraph that highlights the lengths of narcissism and food deprivation required for anyone whose life ambition could be aptly summarized as "inspire an entire nation of teenage girls to grow up to hate their bodies while making oodles of money."
• Just because your name's Shar Jackson doesn't mean you can pull off an "I'm Shar Jackson, Bitch" t-shirt.
• Rachel Zoe deludes herself into believing that she's more influential to fashion than Anna Wintour
• When the headline reads: "Diapered man charged with stalking teen," there's pretty much nowhere to go but down.
• It's hard to believe the exuberant Zulema Griffin in front of us today is the crazy control freak who got booted from Project Runway shortly after barking, "I don't care if you're crying as long as you're still sewing!"
• We never thought "funnyman" Dane Cook was particularly funny. That is, until we saw him trying to be a serious musician.
• Actress/mascara model Penelope Cruz is nothing but a thin-lashed fraud. And that's not the only thing fake about her. (Um, yeah, like that phony accent is real!)
• Buy your celebrity bobblehead today! Or just stare at pictures of Nicole Richie and Rachel Zoe instead.
• Dakota Fanning is growing up before our very eyes! First come the skinny jeans, then before you know it, the coke-fueled driving under the influence (and with a suspended license) charges.
• Ali Lohan comes to big sister Lindsay's defense, characterizes Michael Lohan as a deadbeat dad (well, obvs) and defends Dina Lohan's parenting style as "more than adequite."
• Check it out! It's Denise Richards in a bikini without "that greasy douche from Bon Jovi."
• Dakota Fanning's parents don't want their creepily mature 12 year old daughter dialing Tom Cruise on his private Scientology-conversion line.
• Rachel Zoe shows up at the Bryant Park Tents; Karl Lagerfeld yells, "outta my way, Fatass!"
• Marc Jacobs' new haircut makes him suddenly attractive.
• Nelly Furtado studies Winona Ryder's moves to lear a few things about shoplifting.
• Kiera Knightley is your new obligatory ugly friend!
Which skinny stylist to the stars will be the new spokeswoman for Samsung's "slimmer" Blackjack phone?
Rachel Zoe, that's who! Less than two months after being dumped by Nicole Richie (and blasted on her MySpace page), the 35 year-old raisin face has landed a gig to star in the new ad campaign for the super-skinny new Blackjack phone.
Kate Bosworth, Posh Spice, and Lara Flynn Boyle were otherwise engaged, (a.k.a. throwing up), during the final casting call.
Next up for Samsung: Enlisting the help of Mo'Nique, Camryn Manheim, and Fat Joe to help promote its clunkier D807 model.
Blogs Nicole Richie:
"BLIND ITEM:
What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist?
HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup…"
The Rachel Zoe war is on, bitches. And all you need to play? A MySpace profile. Oh, and a frail frame and at least a B-list celebrity level. You're up, Brooke Davenport.
When you live in a world where you can afford – and have the need for – someone to dress you when you're seen in public, we immediately hate you. When this person who dresses you can also get you down four sizes in as many weeks, we pile a steaming pile of resentment on that hate. But when we heard Nicole Richie had escaped the coked up confines of stylist-to-the-shrinking-stars Rachel Zoe, there was reason to celebrate: More time for Zoe to spend with Lindsay Lohan and get rid of that burgeoning double chin.
Nicole Richie is cleaning out her closet. Us has learned that, on November 14, the Simple Life star axed her personal stylist (and close confidante) of more than two years, Rachel Zoe. The reason? The size-0 Richie, 25, “wanted to surround herself with positive people and influences,” an insider says.
Also, she found a new dealer who sells in bulk.
Editorial Director
