Iran's sexiest/evilist president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is so sick, y'all. He works 20 hours a day making music videos pretending homosexuals don't exist in his country that he's plum worn out.
In fact, Mah-Jad is using one of the most famous excuses in Hollywood in order to avoid doing any work for his re-election. You see, the 50-ish president is suffering from "exhaustion, and low blood pressure."
Amy Winehouse is back! The more tragic (and British) version of Britney Spears has had an exciting past few days, including a bad move with London police and a trip to rehab, kinda. People are calling it rehab, but she's expected to be released within the week, so that doesn't make much sense.
Apparently police had summoned Amy to answer questions related to assault claims (she hit a female fan). Because she didn't show up, the authorities are threatening arrest — but we all know that's not going to happen. Instead, she did this:
'David Duchovny, the “Californication” and “X-Files” star, has completed a rehabilitation program for sexual addiction, his lawyer said. In August Mr. Duchovny, 48, announced that he had checked himself into the Meadows, a treatment center in Wickenburg, Ariz., to begin a 35-day program. On Monday his lawyer, Stanton L. Stein, announced in a statement: “David has successfully completed his rehabilitation. He is out of rehab and will be starting a movie soon.' [NYT] And soon thereafter, returning to his method acting for Californication, where he plays a recovering author who always wants to screw.
Another example of how 90-day treatment programs can be condensed if you happen to me a movie star: David Duchovny is out of rehab after voluntarily checking himself in at the end of August for a rampant case of sex addiction. While the 'loids went back and forth about whether Duchovny actually cheated on wife Tea Leoni (with his tennis pro, goes the speculation), one thing is for definite: being a real-life sex addict is not half as fun as David makes it look on Californication.
Also: best cross-promotion from screen to personal life, ever.
Miley Cyrus‘ Good Morning America performance today in Bryant Park further cemented the theory that she is a miniature Britney Spears in the making. The choreographed dance moves, the giggly interviews — she’s a pro at the ripe age of 15, which means she’s due for a rehab stint within the next three years.
Eva Mendes 1, ‘Interview’ Reporter 0Recent rehab graduate Eva Mendes spoke to Interview magazine about substance abuse, but she wasn’t having any of the interviewer’s hilarious jokes. In response to the reporter saying, “They’re going to have to change the name of it to ‘Alcoholics Unanimous,’” Eva provided nothing but silence (and probably a death stare).
CONTINUED »
David Carr, the New York Times media columnist and enthusiastic storyteller, will release his book The Night of the Gun this fall. But to drum up interest for the trade, he's hitting the annual Book Expo America, where publishing types swarm Los Angeles hotel rooms to discuss advances, manuscripts, and one-night stands. Carr's friend Keith Kelly describes the book as "the antidote to James Frey's A Million Little Pieces." Which is true, if only because Carr's tales of being a drug addict are chronicled, on video tape, by "old girlfriends, drug counse lors, street users, buddies, journalists and editors," who fill in any memory gaps that years of snorting and boozing might cause.
Taking a break from shooting All Good Things on the Upper West Side, Kirsten Dunst tells E!'s Marc Malkin that she didn't go to Cirque Lodge to get treatment for drug or alcohol abuse, but simply because she was depressed. "I was struggling, and I had the opportunity to go somewhere and take care of myself. I was fortunate to have the resources to do it. My friends and family thought it was a good idea, too. But I didn't know where to go. My doctor recommended Cirque Lodge."
Except Cirque Lodge would've recommended somewhere else. CONTINUED »
Because the only safe haven for a public personality to avoid the spotlight while resuscitating his image is rehab, that's where the hogtied meth-and-dildo-carrying CNN anchor Richard Quest is heading. Not that the decision was exactly voluntary: A judge ordered him into a facility. Given Quest's signature phrase – "Wherever your travels take you, I hope it's profitable" – we wish him the best. He's to undergo six months of treatment in exchange for the court dropping misdemeanor possession charges. And if The Insider's Pat O'Brien's escapades tell us anything, Quest could very well end up back on the cable network. Not that they're saying what'll happen either way.
The Insider host is out of his second-in-three-years stint in rehab and has been spotted looking Nicole Richie kinds of frail and stocking up on junk food like Pringles and M&Ms, which will feed his sudden sugar addiction (being a recovering addict and all). As for his career, the tabloid show has yet to confirm that he's been asked to return. Might be in their best interest to get some mileage out of covering his story before allowing him back to work. [TMZ]
Remember when Lindsay Lohan went to rehab? Actually, remember before Lindsay Lohan went to rehab? Every day was a party in L. Lo's nasal cavity. After a two month stint at Cirque Lodge, she's sober, or soberish.
And now Kirsten Dunst, another child star turned real star, is headed to the same spot in Utah. But where was our warning? Sure, she always seems a little erratic and skinny for a non-drug user, but we never knew there was a serious problem. How do they expect to sell Spiderman DVDs without more planted items about KD's partying in the tabloids?
When Lindsay Lohan rehab release rumors first surfaced, we asked what you thought would happen to our favorite firecrotch upon being let loose onto the L.A. club scene.
Thirty-four percent of you guessed that Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t last a week out of rehab. Well, Lindsay Lohan doesn’t think she’s going to survive too long without drugs either. She is planning on returning to Cirque Lodge rehab center. She told this week’s OK!,
I'm going back to shoot Dare to Love Me, but I plan on returning to Utah so I can stay focused and avoid other distractions.
To bad our poll did not offer “sell story to b-level tabloid, make false promises of redemption” as an option.
Totally awesome Brooklyn t-shirt (but they do hoodies and bags, too!) company Neighborhoodies just pitched us on their new "Rehab All-Star" line of tees, hoping to score a mention. What they didn't expect is that we'd take the bait.
Sure, we're handing them a decent amount of editorial for a product whose sales we don't benefit from. And yes, said product might also be considered a competitor to a tee whose inventory we're trying to unload. But with Dubai owning Barney's these days, soon enough everyone is going to have one of these shirts to put next to their "Gettin' lucky in Kentucky" stash. So get yours first, wear it once, and rest assured you amused, insulted, and energized at least one Us Weekly-reading hipster.
Just as Lindsay Lohan heads into court Aug. 24 for a date with a judge about that little DUI snafu – the one that found her all coked up – she'll also be making an appearance on Elle magazine, which hits newsstands around the same time. Lohan scored the "much coveted" September issue cover (now two years in a row) and completed the photo shoot just before she took off for Promises, reports E!'s Marc Malkin.
No word on whether the actual interview – you know, the part of the story with the words and punctuation – also took place before her stint began or during her sprint to recovery, but you know EIC Roberta Myers couldn't be happier to time the cover with the season's biggest post-Paris news blitz.
Rather than spending her 21st birthday with Svedka at Pure, Lindsay Lohan's revamped birthday plans include blowing at candles at Promises.
"She's going to be doing extended care. It was her choice," Lohan's mother, Dina, said as she appeared at a Long Island courtroom for a conference on her ex-husband's request for visitation rights with their children.
Dina Lohan said she speaks to Lindsay every day and insisted, "She's doing great."
And for once we're inclined to believe her.
While LiLo (last seen passed out in the back of DJ Samantha Ronson's car) attempts to rehabilitate herself back to health and her mother, Dina, prepares to shoot her new "How To Raise A Complete And Utter Trainwreck" reality tv show, many (or at least MinOnline) are wondering what's next for Lindsay, and whether she can once again bounce back after this latest round of tabloid transgressions.
Quite a tragedy for Lohan to go from the cover fashion and beauty of Elle (September 2006), Gentlemen's Quarterly (April 2007), and Allure (May 2007) to being Smashed on the May 29, 2007, New York Post after a Memorial Day weekend of alleged drunk driving in Beverly Hills that resulted in a minor accident and a suspicion of cocaine possession.
Moreover, Min continues, "one wonders if Lindsay can make it back to the big time after her latest attempt at rehabilitation."
The answer, in our inexpert opinion, is an emphatic "yes."
Provided, of course, that "make it back to the big time" is a euphemism for "continue to make mediocre films on less than two hours' sleep, dance on banquettes with ever-vigilant mom/manager, dabble in the arts of promiscuity, see-through tops and casual sex and intermittently separate herself from her large pile of cocaine just long enough to shoot the occasional high fashion magazine cover."
In other words, she'll be a-okay.
Who better than to school Hollywood starlets – nods to Lindsay, Paris, Britney, and a long ago Nicole – on rehab than the black sheep of the Reagan political family, Patti Davis? "It makes me angry when I see how the opportunity of being in rehab can be abused as nothing more than a slick PR move," she writes in Newsweek. "A brief retreat from the paparazzi. How lucky these celebrities are to be able to go to one of these facilities (which are not cheap) and to benefit from the wisdom and help that waits behind the gates."
Davis, to be sure, never went to rehab. Though, she admits, "I should have. I plunged willingly, desperately, into addiction at the pliable age of 15. My poison, my love, was speed. It came in pretty colored tablets called amphetamines. Over the years it changed to capsules—some clear with orange and black granules inside, some pure black. Like the devil. Like hell."
Except she didn't enjoy it in places like Winston's, Teddy's, or the Chateau. CONTINUED »
The Los Angeles Times just found out they've got a lot of Hollywood starlets heading into rehab in their backyard and, quick, they need a newspeg to get to the game late! Byline Mary McNamara is on the case, with ousted ("voluntarily") HBO chief Chris Albrecht – who is heading back into the 'hab after realizing once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic – as her lede.
But we'll forgive the LAT for ignoring their trend story of the year, because they brought us this liner from Richard Rogg, the top dog at famed Promises rehab clinic: "I was just saying it feels like the '80s again … Everyone's going into rehab."
Also, leggings are back, so it really is the 80s!
According to various sources, Britney Spears has once again pulled a revolving door stint in rehab, checking into Malibu's Promise Center on Tuesday afternoon and bolting out the door as early as the following morning.
[Insert obligatory "Oops She Did It Again" joke.]
As we all know, Brit checked into rehab (again) yesterday, supposedly at the urging of her friends an family, after shaving her head this past weekend and making a 1-day cameo at an out-of-country rehab center last week.
And already the rumors are flying.
Amidst all this is she/isn't she rehabbing confusion, our inbox has been overwhelmed with a myriad of Brit-related updates:
• Brit only shaved her head after Kevin threatened to submit her damaged hair follicles to an involuntary drug-test! (Extra)
• But wait—maybe it was really because she had lice! (Daily Mail)
• Either way, Justin's calling Brit's new look a "smart choice!" (Tittle-Tattle Too)
• Also, Brit's burning through her cash supply because of her lackluster perfume sales and complete and utter lack of a career! (OK!)
• Plus, Brit's done coke! And ecstasy! In front of other people! (In Touch Weekly)
• And Brit hires nannies solely based on their personal lives, and their willingness to watch her strip down naked in front of them! (Us)
All of which make us kinda glad that Craig Ferguson has decided to take a one-man stand against Britney Shears jokes.
Update: TMZ is now reporting that Child Services' Hotline has been "blowing up" with calls about Britney Spears.
TMZ is now reporting that a fuzzy-haired Britney Spears has checked herself into a Los Angeles rehab facility for a much needed detox session.
Britney Spears is back in rehab. Sources say the singer has checked into an in-patient facility in Los Angeles. We're told the move came after family members pressed her to check in.
We sincerely hope Brit's latest stint in rehab will prove more effective than Lindsay Lohan's (now fully orange, and back to her hard-partying ways) and amply longer-lasting than her previous attempt, which clocked in at just under 24 hours.
More details on Britney Baldgate/Rehabgate as they come in.
Editorial Director
