GUESS THE SOURCE Watch as Men's Health editor Dave Zinczenko plugs himself as the gentleman who volunteered to give up his table at Michael's so Renée Zellweger would have a place to sit. [P6]

Note to Renee Zellweger's publicist: The next time you try and write a witty response to the question "What's your idea of the perfect night?" you might consider coming up with something that doesn't involve Anderson Cooper.

Especially considering your client's still reeling from that whole "quickie marriage to closeted country singer Kenny Chesney" thing. Meanwhile, Zellweger confesses her other dream dates include Ryan Seacrest, Richard Simmons and Ricky Martin. [Queerty]

• Eddie Murphy is officially a deadbeat dad, and an ass. Except we already knew that.

• Isaiah Washington claims "they fired the wrong guy," prompting ABC executives to say, "Oh my God, he's right. We never realized until he just said that! (Pause.) We're kidding, of course."

• Are we the only ones who think Pamela Anderson's way too old to be parading around in a skintight silver bathing suit? We'll take that deafening silence as a "yes."

• Elisha Cuthbert continues to be inconsistently sexy.

• British people are pissed to discover that Bridget Jones is actually an emaciated Hollywood actress.

Is it just us, or has Renee Zellweger jumped aboard the latest Hollywood trend?**

And no, we're not talking about nose-candy and diet pills, (those timeless "trade secrets" are far more enduring than any passing fad) nor do we mean to imply Renee's suddenly started shilling for Windsor Pilates or even ProActive.

No, we're referring to that somewhat more recent phenomenon, whereupon attractive actors/actresses make a conscious decision to hideously alter their appearance in a brazen attempt to show their audiences (i.e. the Academy) that they're far more than "just another pretty face."

You know, like Academy Award winner Charlize Theron did for Monster, Nicole Kidman for The Hours, Cameron Diaz for Being John Malkovich and Nicholas Cage for, well, TBD.

Anyway, we're not yet sure what dramatic role Renee is gearing up for with her new 'do, but we anxiously look forward to seeing her go up against Penelope Cruz, Hillary Swank and Kate Winslet in next year's Oscars.

We confess, we were still slightly hungover tired this morning when we picked up our copy of the New York Post, which could explain why the severity of this news is only just hitting us now. But according to those tireless and never-wrong Page Sixers, Renee Zellweger is knocking boots with Dylan "Sideburns" McKay:

NEW couple alert: Renee Zellweger is cruising on a "90210" cast member. The "Miss Potter" star went out with Luke Perry Thursday night. Seated at an intimate table at the Sunset Tower hotel's Tower Bar restaurant, they were "definitely on a date," said our L.A. spy. "They both looked super-skinny. He was looking very grungy - baggy jeans, lumberjack flannel shirt and baseball cap. She had on a white button-down shirt, glasses and striped pants. They were talking very closely and rubbing knees."

Wow, good ol' Luke Perry, best known for his performance as a late-20's chain-smoker playing a moody high school teen on Beverly Hills 90210. This is definitely the weirdest rumored pairing of the day, with Lindsay Lohan and Joe Francis following at a close second. But with all this love (and 90210 nostalgia) in the air , when is someone, anyone, finally going to realize that Brandon Walsh is only 4 feet tall?

• Guy Ritchie says one black baby is enough.

• Scratch that report that Scarlett Johansson is back together with Josh Hartnett. Actually, she's just slutting around with him.

• Renee Zellweger is suddenly quite the man.

• Hilary Duff supposedly isn't too fond of ex-boyfriend Joel Madden's new girl Nicole Richie. But, uh, who would be?

• No, Kirsten Dunst, there is no such thing as privacy in these parts.

• Judith Regan calling Jews "rodents?" Pish, posh.

• Ludacris was at Michael's. With Kate White.

• Sorry, sorry, we didn't know. OK!'s Sarah Ivens isn't a whore, she's separated. [Gatecrasher]

• Johnny Knoxville tries to write a book, but he can't lay off the sauce. Oh, Johnny, we couldn't relate more. [The Scoop]

• Broke and off coke, Courtney Love sells her rights to Kurt Cobain's music. [Page Six]

• No real actresses want to be Bond girls, so they offer the part to Jessica Simpson. [Egotastic]

• Joaquin Pheonix gives prisoners a reason to live. Sort of. [TMZ]

• In case Renee Zellweger's wedding didn't bore you enough, you can now yawn incessently over her annulment. [AP]

Kenny Chesney's becoming quite the regular in delivering gabbing gaffs. First he likened his love for ex Renee Zellweger to having his big screen ripped off the wall.

And now? Now he's responding to the tabloids (and Google Image's tendency to paint him as one big homo) that have been calling him names every since their split.

"THEY'VE done nothing short of calling me gay and her a whore. None of those things are true. I'm pretty firm in my sexuality and my love for women." — Kenny Chesney discussing reports of his split from Renée Zellweger in People

Got it: Kenny Chesney isn't gay, he just plays one on stage. As for Renee — well, notice how he fails to defend her status as a whore.

Endquote [Page Six]
Related: Kenny Chesney misses Renee Zellweger like a big screen

How much does Kenny Chesney miss Renee Zellweger?

It was like opening the door to our house and having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Nothing? Not even running down the street, chasing said someone and demanding the ring back. Err, the TV.

Notes from all over [The Scoop]

• If you think the prospect of K-Fed rapping is scary enough, Michael Jackson can top that. As part of his new "butch" image, Jacko is going the Madonna route and reinventing himself as hip-hop booty chaser. Which, we're nearly certain, is what originally got him into a "jam."

• Kanye West was reduced to (gasp) Oprah-like levels of celebrity, getting snubbed at the London club Chinawhite when bouncers didn't recognize the President Bush basher.

• Star Jones donned her Bridezilla getup once more at a Hurricane Katrina relief telethon, throwing her snide remarks at reality TV persona Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth. The former Apprentice candidate, however, wasn't there to fight: She was busy trying to hookup with everyone from Q-Tip to Matthew St. Patrick.

• Renee Zellweger can't stay away from those music men, now finding herself in the arms of Irish singer Damien Rice. She's planning a trip to Ireland to "hide out" from the media, but we're sure it includes looking for Kenny Chesney's leprechauns.

• Abercrombie & Fitch is said to be courting Jessica Simpson's sometimes husband Nick Lachey for an upcoming campaign. Not that he's a walking advertisement for them already.

• In Touch falls victim to its own publishing schedule (and failing to make the proper phone calls), publishing a very out-dated two-pager on Renée Zellweger gushing over her "partner, my soul mate," otherwise known as her soon-to-be ex-husband Kenny Chesney.

• David Geffen has already tackled the music and film industries, so why not print? Rumors abound that the mega millionaire is eyeing the Los Angeles Times for a new plaything.

• Embroiled Us Weekly "Hot Stuff" editor Tim McDarrah is out on $50,000 bail, awaiting his Oct. 14 preliminary hearing on charges he tried to bang a 13-year-old girl. It needn't be said, but he's grounded from using the computer and interacting with minor children.

• Judith Miller's got 99 problems, and a bitch ain't one. Her 11 weeks at the Alexandria Detention Center have seen nearly 100 guests come and go, and we don't think any of them were bloggers!

• If the Wall Street Journal would put its frickin' content online, it'd be much easier for people like us to tell you how much it sucked.

• Meanwhile, the New York Times is taking some of its online offerings behind a wall of its own with today's debut of TimesSelect. Now if only they would let us register for a free trial without a credit card we could tell you how much it sucked.

• As Details' publisher Chris Mitchell leaves to pursue a career in stuff we plant our asses in, Vanity Fair associate publisher Paul Jowdy is moving in to the envious position of Dan Peres' masthead mate.

• So why did Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellwegger split? Depends on which paper you read. The New York Post's Cindy Adams claims it had to do with Kenny's "lifestyle choices," while the New York Daily News' offers up the tamer "she wanted kids, he didn't." Meanwhile, Page Six has the goods on their prenup, which Kenny had drawn up thanks to his fortune worth 10x hers.

• Beside trading the pasties for that pesky orange jumpsuit, Lil' Kim can look forward to 366 days in prison featuring recreation in a large cage per weekday and an 80-square-foot, dimly lit cell to pass the remainder of the time. At least she has her five mics rating for her new Naked Truth album from The Source, even if it did take her manager's romance with the mag's CEO to get it.

• Kate Moss owned up to those Daily Mirror photos and admitted her coke use, and H&M appreciates her honesty: They're letting her stay on as the face of the discount fashion chain. Meanwhile, her contracts with Dior and Chanel are said to be in good standing.

• Rosario Dawson waved goodbye to her Lower East Side haunt on Thursday now that's she left the Rent stage, and we're sure her much poorer co-tenants are glad to see her leave the rent controlled flat.

• We're not even sure how this happened, but we've got Joe Francis and Kimberly Stewart proclaiming they are not together while Francis' rep says they are. Usually handler and client get their stories in line first.

• Catherine Zeta-Jones turned down a $50,000 ring from a jeweler at Fashion Week, though we hear she was in a hurry to get more minutes.

• Donald Trump is trying his hand at a drama, agreeing to appear in an episode of NBC's Days of Our Lives that's slated to air Oct. 24. He'll be bringing his own hair people, we imagine.

• The impending marriage annulment between Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney includes an interesting tidbit: Renee citing "fraud" as a reason for their dissolution. And we were expecting "too country."

• Joining the unending celebrity fragrance bandwagon, Antonio Banderas offers up Spirit Antonio Banderas for Women. It debuts in the United States this month. As long as it doesn't offer a hint of cupcakes and Cheetos, we're happy.

• Please join us in mourning .. the end of Lindsay Lohan's blonde locks.

• We be remiss if we didn't use this perfectly decent opportunity to plug our gay blog brother Queerty and its editor Bradford Shellhammer, which got some major play in this week's New York Blade.

After just five short months, Renée Zellweger and Kenny Chesney are having their marriage annulled, bringing to an end their whirlwind affair that, as best we can recount, pretty much only included a wedding in the Virgin Islands.

Not that we're keeping tabs or anything, but even Liza Minelli and David Gest lasted longer. Though we'll give them this: Their vows held longer than Kate Moss' high.

· Renee Zellweger does't care what Dr. Phil thinks. The TV shrink said he didn't think her marriage to country music star Kenny "Pec Implants" Chesney would last more than three or four months. Now if she can just keep that rock on her finger for any length of time, we'll excuse her pouty-face remarks.

· It's fun stealing items from the blogs, isn't it? Not that we think Keith Kelly would lift an item from Adrants or anything; it must be their publishing schedule (and a very PR knowledgable Bucky Turco). (UPDATE: It appears Keith did note the Adrants.com item .. perhaps when trying on Mary-Kate's oversized sunglasses, we missed it. And suddenly it's not so amusing.)

· Oh look, more people
are claiming to have solved Watergate's Deep Throat/W. Mark Felt mystery long before Vanity Fair. With such good hindsight, perhaps they'll be able to remove their heads from their asses unassisted.

· Original Willy Wonka Gene Wilder is, unsurprisingly, not buzzing about Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake. "It's all about money," he says. Glad to know he's still got a sense of humor!

· It's been reported everywhere else, so why not here too? Cameron Diaz is suing American Media's National Enquirer for $30 million over claims she cheated on boyfriend Justin Timberlake with Trippin' producer Shane Nickerson. Can't we just work this on in the blogs?

· Also reportered everywhere and soon to be appearing as a GoldenPalace.com tattoo (kidding) is news of White Stripes frontman Jack White's marrying Brit model Karen Elson in Brazil. And it was White all around: manager Ian Montone served as best man while Meg Wife took on maid of honor duties.

· Since Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston don't need it anymore, so the Beverly Hills home that celebrity love built now belongs to Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi.

· CNN loves blacks! And Asians! And Hispanics! And they're gonna make 'em fight for $1 million in donations for their career in journalism. Though it'd be better spent on education retraining.

· After 25 years on the job, BET founder Robert Johnson is stepping down as CEO, promoting COO and Johnson's wing(wo)man Debra Lee to the top spot.