• Why it really, really sucks to have a baby in early July.

• Lance Bass, doing what he does best: sucking.

• From Stereohyped: "Neverland has 3,000 acres - [Michael Jackson] likes privacy. You can’t find as many properties like that on the West Coast.” Which is weird, actually, cause we thought there were a ton of crazy effeminate millionaires who owned village-sized estates complete with giant roller coasters.

• Robbie Williams takes a break from inhaling java to leak an excerpt of a new crazy religious track.

• Janet Jackson loses her battle with losing weight.

• Hugh Grant personally subsidized Divine Brown's children's college education.

• Jude Law and Lindsay Lohan went to a new LES bar called "The Box" together. And then they totally did it!

• Have J.Lo and hubby Marc "Skeletor" Anthony jumped on the Times' *new* separate bedrooms trend?

• Kirsten Dunst is taking college level art classes despite only reading at a 9th grade level.

• Robbie Williams drinks 36 espressos every day?? That guy must spend more on coffee every week than we make in a year!

• Gay adulterer Jim McGreevey inexplicably asks for sole custody and spousal support two years after resigning in disgrace as New Jersey's governor.

• Anna Wintour and Dominick Dunne are creepy new besties! We hear they bonded over a mutual hatred of that untalented Indian guy on American Idol!

LOVELORN Robbie Williams made a play for Hollywood party girl Lindsay Lohan — but was left stunned when she blanked him.

He ambled up to the 20-year-old actress in a club and tried to deliver a chat-up line, but she just gave him a “weird look” and walked off.

Red-faced Robbie, who has a £90million fortune, quietly left the nightspot with his two minders. An onlooker said: “Robbie was hanging around in the VIP area with his bodyguards when he saw his chance to chat up Lindsay.

All this, supposedly, went down at Hyde in L.A., reports The Sun today. We're not sure what night this is supposed to be, but we do know this twosome ran into each other at the Motorola Party at Palladium this past Thursday, before they both headed off to Hyde (separately). But it was at the first event did their paths cross, where our spies witnessed the events go down differently: It was Lindsay who approached Robbie (through a middleman, no less), gleaming look on her face, and was summarily given the cold shoulder after a brief chat, but not before this photo was snapped. So let's just stop with the creepy old guy hitting on Lindsay farce and stick with the "Lindsay's clearly got a daddy complex" theory, mmm-kay?

• Jessica Simpson might be the one paying her assistant CaCee Cobb, but the glorified gopher's loyalty remains with Nick Lachey. She's been running her mouth about Jessica's infidelity and general mistreatment of poor Nick, and even a new BMW and Rolex haven't stopped her free flow of gossip. [Lowdown]

• Can't a girl take her top off in her backyard anymore these days? Jennifer Aniston should know that's not an option, and paparazzo Peter Brandt so kindly reminded her with his telephoto lens. Now Jen's lawyers are warning the tabloids against purchasing any of those photos, especially since you can get the Photoshopped fakes for free. [R&M]

• Robbie Williams won apologies and libel damages from a trio of tabloids over claims he's a closet homosexual. Says his lawyer: "Mr. Williams is not, and has never been, homosexual." Though he might be tomorrow. [BBC]

• The real reason Kevin Federline and Britney Spears are having problems? Brit's mother Lynne hates her son-in-law. But Kevin is taking the loss hard. Of his Ferrari, that is. [Page Six]

• Justin Timberlake, tired of being turned down for acting roles for sounding like a girl, enlisted a voice coach to give him the vocals to match his Trousersnake reputation. [The Scoop]

• Sweet Charity star Christina Applegate is splitting from husband Johnathon Schaech — and it's his call. His residual checks from That Thing You Do must really be kicking in. [TMZ]
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• Gisele Bundchen will not have anyone looking at her bare ass as she glides down the runway. [Page Six]

• Eminem is ready to remarry ex-wife and lyrical focal point Kim Mathers, or at least Star would like you to believe they have an exclusive saying so. [Star]

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are said to be expecting a boy, not a thetan. [The Scoop]

• Snoop Dogg is planning to attend a rally at a prison to protest the execution of former gang leader, Stanley Tookie Williams. Snoop also requested a visit with Williams but got denied entrance into the facility, thus securing his place as the first black man trying to get in to prison. [NME]

• Irv and Christopherr Gotti's Murder Inc. money laundering trial started yesterday in Brooklyn — and Ja Rule and Ashanti were on hand to show their support of the Gottti's. And, of course, to get their names in the news for the first time in years. [VH1]

• The Kaiser Chiefs have cancelled upcoming shows after contracting a "highly contagious and rare virus." The band hasn't released any details about their mystery disease, but if its this bird flu everyone's talking about, they should probably keep out of the States for a while. [Aversion]

• Walk the Line director James Mangold just remembered that Johnny Cash was "thrilled" to be played by Joaquin Phoenix. It seems likely that in his final weeks, soon after losing the love of his life, these are the sorts of things that were on Cash's mind. [MTV]

• Stateside success is no longer "in Robbie Williams' schedule." Yes, and enjoying your music certainly isn't in ours. [Billboard]

• Aaron Carter is shopping around for a new record label, after "getting screwed" by the one he has been with since he was 7. Ugh, is this even music news? [Lowdown]

• Kate Moss Watchâ„¢: The latest celeb to come to the supermodel's defense is British rocker Robbie Williams, who says that he's stunned she hasn't committed suicide over all the bad publicity. Maybe now that he's endorsed her, she will.

• We always knew Judy Miller's story was ripe for a movie of the week, but a graphic novel? Only if it stars Tribeca emigrant Bobby De Niro.

• Not that you've cared since Pieces of April, but Katie Holmes does indeed get busy between the sheets — but only when Tom Cruise is nowhere to be found.

• With Harvey and Bob Weinstein raising just enough cash to best the value of Donald Trump's nursery, the Los Angeles Times thought it might be nice to give them a free, full-page ad. They call it a thank you, we call it a handjob.