Robert Cavalli is a dick. The designer who made a career out of dressing models in bondage stilettos and drapery is now turning around and biting the malnourished hand that feeds him.

"For me, models are just pieces of wood that I carve to make clothes look beautiful," said the gnarled human tree trunk. "There are thousands of models like all other models. Naomi Campbell is the same way."

Indeed, he hates models. So who does Cavalli love? Artists. Artists like — insert air quotes — Diddy.

Let's put aside for a moment the creepy Buffalo Bill-esque metaphor of "carving" up women (let's blame that on the language barrier) and look at what's really bothersome:

CONTINUED »

"Made of only the best pure blue agaves in the highlands of Jalisco, Mexico, this tasty beverage comes in three varieties (Blanco, Resposado and Anejo) for your sipping pleasure." That's one pitch for Frida Kahlo Tequila, a party bevy branded around the famed Mexican painter.

But do nightlife titans really want to be seen ordering unibrows for bottle service?

Well, actually, there are worse options.

CONTINUED »