• At least Matt Damon won't forget where he lives.

• If Perez Hilton and Roseanne got into a fight, we put our money on Roseanne. You know, because she has a shotgun.

• This Texas man is redefining the phrase "cheap-ass motherfucker."

• Looks like cancer and a fever won't stop Pavarotti from blessing us with his beautiful voice.

• The reason you gained 40 lbs this year has nothing to do with your nasty Chipotle habit. Its that pesky "fat hormone." And your fat friend's fault.