Whoops, did we say Rudy Giuliani would be replacing Bill O'Reilly's syndicated Factor radio show? Fred Thompson, the guy who ran for president because of his experience playing the D.A. on Law and Order, just officially got the gig from radio network Westwood One, which previously produced the O'Reilly spot.
CONTINUED »
• Rudy probably thought he had it bad when he finished in sixth in the Iowa caucuses, but getting called out for a baseball blunder on River Avenue Blues? Mortifying.
• The L Word returns. Countless lesbians pretend the writing is believable, clitoral stimulation is all they need anyway. CONTINUED »
Between Gossip Girl and Project Runway , you may have forgotten about last night’s YouTube Republican debates, where "You" were the star. The show had its high points, but drew some criticism for continuing to go on even while "You" were busy contemplating whether mismatched couple Serena and Dan (and a dozen or so wanna-be designers) could "make it work." CONTINUED »
It’s hard to find good scapegoats these days. After taking the fall for the O.J. Simpson book deal last year, Judith Regan is back with a $100 million defamation suit against News Corp.
In her case, Regan claims that HarperCollins told her to lie about her affair with Bernard K. Kerik, the former New York police commissioner. How Regan and Kerik got together remains a mystery, but conservative America is starting to seem like one big high school.
CONTINUED »
America's Mayor will be here to commemorate/campaign. Meanwhile, New York's mayor wants to move on. [NYT]
• Sopranos stalkers have been incessantly calling Holsten's ice cream parlor (in Bloomfield, NJ) to reserve the booth where Tony may or may not have gotten shot.
• The health commissioner attribute a recent drop in cigarette sales to those creepy anti-smoking ads featuring Stephen Hawking. However, we're convinced the whole "$8 a pack" thing may have something to do with it.
• A grouchy wet blanket takes a Long Island couple to court over an out of control game of Marco Polo.
• Rudy Giuliani kinda, maybe starting to regret helping Bloomberg get elected mayor.
• Lenox Hill Hospital attempts to upgrade their status from "junk" to "tolerable, but pretty fuckin' crappy."
Despite running for president on the Republican ticket, former mayor Rudy Giuliani selflessly offered the Democratic candidates some important tips for their campaign strategy.
"The Democrats should debate on Fox," Rudy Giuliani said in an interview with the NYT Wednesday.
"I think they would get a good chance to explain themselves. If the Republicans candidates are willing to debate on MSNBC and CNN, the Democrats should be willing to debate on Fox. I don't think they'd want us to look like the bolder group of candidates."
And, frankly, Rudy's right. After all, there's nothing bolder or more intimidating than a stage full of highly educated, articulate and (arguably) rational Republicans uniformly contending that Darwin's theory of evolution is merely a scientifically inaccurate, blasphemous load of crap.
Democrats? The ball is in your court.
• Annoying Geico lizard to bombard you on your daily commute; no longer content with merely diminishing your enjoyment of Deal or No Deal.
• Scientists warn 2007 could be "hottest year ever," no thanks to Star Jones.
• Bronx Named No. 1 in "traffic nightmares." A defiant Staten Island responds, "Hey, our ferry is pretty shitty, too."
• Rudy Giuliani determined to find out who stole his giant list of political weaknesses; Hillary Clinton claims she was "at home, reading" at the time.
• Second Avenue Deli may relocate to Third Avenue; entire universe to threatens explode from weight of said paradox.
• Of course people care more about Paris Hilton's DUI than they do Iran. [WWD]
• These humps are lovely, but, uh, we rather not have to catch that glimpse. [Mollygood]
• Sleep is a serious part of a 22-year-old's needs. Even when they own huge companies. We totally feel that. (Because we all get so much sleep, all the time.) [FBNY]
• Rudy Giuliani has enemies? We are positively shocked. [Page Six]
• There really is no reason for Anna Nicole Smith's son to be dead right now. [AP]
We really wish we were as creative as the kids at Memo Pad and Muckraked. They find such amazing ways to amuse themselves … meanwhile we just keep refreshing the Drudge Report in hopes that he'll give us something to make fun of him about.
But since he didn't, we're just going to steal other people's entertainment for our own. Mwaaaahahahaha.
Muckraked compiled a list of clichés used by "lazy journalists around the world," and then tracked the number of Lexis Nexis searches where a celeb's name appears within 10 words of said cliché. The results:
Rudy Giuliani … hero (or heroic): 1,143
Britney Spears … pop tart: 786
Paris Hilton … sexy: 368
Katie Couric … perky: 328
Hugo Chavez … firebrand: 327
Tom Cruise … crazy: 181
And to prove bloggers are more creative than real journalists (even though all we do is steal other people's ideas and make fun of them) we're adding our preferred hopefully non-cliched but also non-original description to each of these "celebs."
For Guiuliani, we like "hobo hater," while our fave Spears description came from Superficial: "the fat emo girl in the back of the classroom." For Paris Hilton, Egotastic's "clam digger" made us twinkle, and our own interpretation of Rebecca Dana's Katie Couric coverage left us with "gravitasless."
Hugo Chavez is totally off our radar, so, we pass on that one, but Tom Cruise is probably best described as "terrifying."
But we're sure you have a few choice words for your most hated celebs. Feel free to entertain us by sharing.
More Fun With Lexis-Nexis:What’s a Synonym for Cliche? [Muckraked]
