The successful Mideast war drama continues to elude Hollywood producers, who failed at the box office again this weekend with the Ridley Scott-helmed Body of Lies. The ninth contemporary war film in the last two years to be mostly ignored by moviegoers, Lies, the tale of a CIA operative on the hunt for a terrorist in Jordan, was crushed at the box office by lighter fare, specifically the fictional account of a rich dog in Beverly Hills.

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Besides a guest star turn from Jennifer Coolidge, this week's Nip/Tuck also featured two of our favorite storylines: the paparazzi and Russell Crowe's rage.

And to think, last week we got excited for a mash-up between Entertainment Weekly and hated bloggers who work from coffee shops.

Spoiler alert: At the end of American Gangster, the movie states that the Denzel Washington character's cooperation led to the conviction of three-fourths of the drug enforcement agents in New York. Real life spoiler alert: That didn’t happen.

The falsely convicted agents are seeking damages. And apparently they’ve been damaged quite a bit:

The agents are also seeking a restraining order against further distribution of the movie, $55 million in damages and punitive damages and any profits from a box-office gross that so far has exceeded about $130 million.

American Gangster has already had some problems with its truthfulness factor. Here’s our predictive spoiler: NBC universal, the producers of the film, will give them a hefty settlement.

One year ago, the New York Observer was boldy proclaiming "man flab is fab." But new evidence suggests the tides are changing!

THEN:

One by one, from Hollywood to the Hamptons, men have liberated themselves from the flat-stomached emo-boy reign of terror…Our men are carrying an extra 10—hell, maybe 15—pounds in the midriff, haven’t even thought about the gym in months, and they are unashamed. Why should they be? The Hollywood box-office draws have stopped looking like the lithe and graceful Orlando Blooms of the world, delicate and emotive and who might possibly weigh less than an average female fan… [NYO]

NOW:

Tired of hating yourself and your boyfriend for not hating himself? Help is on the way! Just one week after it was revealed that Ryan Gosling’s chunky physique may have contributed to his dismissal from a film role, directer Ridley Scott has reported that he demanded from the stocky Russell Crowe a 30 pound weight loss before filming began on their newest project, Body of Lies. Finally, everyone can be afraid of looking in the mirror. [Mollygood]

Apparently man flab just became a little less fab and a little more problematic. Now, are you going to break the bad news to Val Kilmer or should we?

• Jerkass Russell Crowe mortifies Leo DiCaprio by sharing a rather unfortunate memory. Says Crowe: "You know, I worked with Leonardo when he was 17 on ‘The Quick and the Dead [1995]. He was a virgin, and he’d talk about that constantly." Thanks, guy!

• Tori Spelling and her hubby (whose name we can never remember) get all gussied up for Halloween. Tori's a witch, obvs, and her husband (Sean?) has apparently decided to go as K-Fed. The accidental lovechild looks ecstatic.

• Benicio Del Toro is a natural for the leading role of The Wolf Man remake, not to be confused with Teen Wolf, and definitely not to be confused with "sexy."

• Petra Nemcova endeavors to save the children; ends up scaring them away with her giant breasts instead.

• Have you heard? Jessica Alba's got this new thing where she only hangs out with people who look EXACTLY like Jessica Alba.

• Lindsay Lohan's new boyfriend is less than pleased that his ex-girlfriend (ex-fiancee??) sold her story to the National Enquirer. So displeased, in fact, that he has lots of misspelled words, hastily typed profanities and grammatically incorrect things to say about it!

• Sadly, Riley "Scary Eyes" Giles will probably deal with his ex's betrayal by taking a shitload of prescription medications. That he prescribed himself.

• Who wants to be the next Ozzy Osbourne? Apparently, everyone!

• Russell Crowe doesn't want his sons acting. Presumably because he's afraid it will turn them into self-important douchebags who cheat on their wives.

• Sorry, pervs. Summer Roberts (fine, Rachel Bilson) is way too classy to show you her "Britney."

• Mischa Barton copes with reports of her kid sister's drug problem by smoking copious amounts of reefer and stuffing her face with Pirate's Booty.

• Anna Nicole's former lesbian lover-slash-assistant joins Judge Larry "Waterworks" Seidlin in denouncing Howard K. Stern as a slimy enabler.

• Usher's mom doesn't approve of her son's fiance, Tameeka Foster, which is doubly harsh considering that maid-bashing Naomi Campbell was her predecessor.

• On a related note, Naomi Campbell is supposedly dating Terrence Howard, much to the chagrin of his fragile personal assistant.

• Russell Crowe asks Nicole Kidman about her husband's "courageous" rehabilitation efforts, refuses to ask her anything about Tom Cruise's overt sexuality or Keith Urban's video ho's.

• New York Supreme Court upholds the 70-year ban on dancing in NYC restaurants, bars; Kevin Bacon slated to re-try the case with the help of flamboyant dance moves and Kenny Loggins.

• Lindsay Lohan: Always the drama queen when mom, booze, and her ex-assistant are around.

• Eva Longoria agrees to one day be Tony Parker's beard in sickness and in health.

• There's a sherpa in the midst when it comes to finding Britney Spears' vagina.

• TomKat's Italian wedding was just the beginning.

• Publicist Robin Baum fired Russell Crowe as a client recently, which means the next telecommunications incident is up to his William Morris agents to cover.

• Surely Britney Spears' first husband Jason Alexander can fill a whole book about their 55-hour marriage.

• Unless Kelly Clarkson loses some bloat, there won't be any Vitamin Water sponsorship for her. [Page Six]

• Hillary Clinton won't be helping Vanity Fair's Gail Sheehy for her pre-election piece. And neither will Clinton's associates. [Lowdown]

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes pop up in SoHo to shop. No baby in sight, as per usual. [Page Six]

• Speaking of The Cruise, his unauthorized South Park episode is up for an Emmy. [Queerty]

• Welcome to the world, Tennyson Spencer Crowe, the son of Hollywood's least capable anger manager. [People]

• Michael Jackson is shocked – shocked! – to learn a former business associate was involved in gay porn. That didn't keep Jacko from watching a tape of said associate directing an adult gay flick. [NYDN]

• Pete Townshend, in all his senior citizen glory, is still landing in the gossip pages. Which makes him, more or less, our idol. [Page Six]

• How on Earth did the terribly shy, secluded, modest Paris Hilton ever get up the courage to record an album? [Jam!]

• Did you catch the "Manhattan-hedge" miracle this weekend? No? Well, you can go back to living your life, knowing you are not a complete loser. [NYDN]

• Stop the presses! Stop the presses! Russell Crowe did something that doesn't reflect him being a brutish asshole! [Page Six]

• Y'know Slate's right. Gossip is like a drug that's impossible to quit. What other possible explanation would we have for working on Memorial Day? [Slate]

• The n-word? That should cost Charlie Sheen a few fans. We bet Brandon Davis will stick by his side, though. [Page Six]

• Nicolas Cage buys himself an island where he can dance to Elvis' music in peace. [People]

• We don't watch The O.C. But now that Mischa Barton is off the show, we might just start. [AP]

• When Russell Crowe isn't throwing phones, he's making jokes on the Upper East Side. [R&M]

• After almost dropping Sean Preston on his head, Britney claimed "this is why I need a gun." We have no idea what that means, but we're sure the baby feels the same way. [TMZ]

While Courteney Cox gears up to play tabloid queen Bonnie Fuller, Emily Yoffe is busy playing paparazzo for Slate.

While stalking celebs, she comes across Tim Daly, Brian Grazer, Butch Bradley, Patrick Bergin and bunch of other no-names who's biggest press in the past five years have been this article.

"Hi—you were on—" I sputtered.

He took the bait. "The Wonder Years. I'm Jason Hervey."

I explained I was a paparazzo for Slate, and although he had no idea what Slate is, he agreed to let me take his picture.

And then, like magic, Russell Crowe appeared! His kids in tow, minus a telephone or any other trace of weapon, he (gasp) had lunch. It was her big break. Here is where we learn that people can make money tipping off the paparazzi who go by "photographers" and that the paps stalk celebs during the day. (Going by TMZ standards, we thought the feeding frenzy mostly took place at the 2 am club scene).

Seriously, though, it's a good thing George Clooney's in New York. Because he probably does know what Slate is and would likely spend 20 minutes pitching her a story idea about how Hollywood actors (even the ones who don't know what a blog is and refuse to bang Lindsay Lohan) can be involved in the shaping of media's future, too.

Russell Crowe in My Viewfinder [Emily Yoffe, Slate]

• As if nothing could get worse than PopoZao, Kevin Federline threatens to take it all off. [MSNBC]

• Aww, Charlie Gibson becomes a grandpa. We didn't hear Cindy Adams predict that one. [Mediabistro]

• Aren't cute girls supposed to want to drive celebs around for free? Yeah, Nick Lachey has to pay up — 50 bucks to be exact. Guys, we swear, he's not a loser. [TMZ]

• Marc Jacobs’ boyfriend has a Friendster profile that is about him; unlike everything else he does, which is about Marc. [A Socialite's Life]

• Russell Crowe’s no name wife is having a baby. We hope it doesn't grow up and get a job at SoHo Grand. [Star]

• Today is just full of announcements! Finally, Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton can stop pretending not to know each other. [People]

It took five months, but Russell Crowe finally knows his fate: easy street.

His June phone (and vase) throwing incident at the Mercer – which left desk clerk Nestor Estrada in stitches – ends today with the Aussie pleading guilty to a third-degree misdeameanor assault charge (that means reckless or neglegent) and receiving exactly zero prison or probation time.

Whew, we're glad Los Angeles authorities aren't the only ones willing to give celebs a break.

Crowe Gets No-Jail Deal [NYP]
Earlier: Russell Crowe's Manhattan hissy fit
Related: Jiblets
Related: All Russell Crowe coverage

First he pisses off New York, now he's pissing off all of L.A.? Publicist Robin Baum must have her hands full trying to control Russell Crowe's comments to the press.

While he's in talks with Manhattan prosecutors with hopes of having his phone throw assault charges reduced, he's running his mouth to London's Daily Mirror about how he doesn't need Hollywood if everyone's going to make such a stink about his temper.

But Crowe admits he would be glad to see the back of Hollywood after the way he has been treated regarding the alleged incident. He tells British newspaper the Daily Mirror, "Maybe it's better I don't travel to America. Maybe it's better I don't work in the area of the business that attracts so many flies. You tell me to p**s off too many times and I probably will."

The movie biz attracts flies? We thought its scent beguiled coked up bottle blondes and agents with Star Jones-sized egos, but we'll take smile and nod to anyone armed with a Graham Bell.

• Mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner conceded the democratic primary race to Fernando Ferrer, which will give the congressman more time to get back to wooing Gigi Stone.

• Meanwhile, Robert Morgenthau will continue his 30-year reign as Manhattan D.A., thanks to a big win (59 percent of the vote) over Leslie Snyder.

• Russell Crowe is hoping Manhattan prosecutors don't think his phone throw was as serious as, well, a bloody cut up face. He's hoping to have his assault charges reduced so any admission or conviction wouldn't keep him from returning to the U.S. to work.

• The Lindsay Lohan "did she or didn't she?" breast implant debate continues, with discussion as obvious as her chest's truth.

• The 60th anniversary of the United Nations isn't merely causing Midtown East traffic woes but it's created the puzzle of placing so many presidents in a limited number of presidential suites.

• Sounds like Lisa Marie Presley cashed out of the Elvis business just in time. The Broadway show All Shook Up that's based on the rock'n'roller's music is expected to lose more than $10 million and will join Rosie O'Donnell's Taboo in the canceled corner.

• Despite 29 networks simulcasting Friday's Shelter from the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast to more than 100 countries, only 24 million people tuned in. Compare that to the 9/11 telethon America: A Tribute to Heroes, which ranked in 89 million viewers.

It's not the $11 million settlement packaged rumored earlier this month, but Nestor Estrada can expect a low six-figure settlement from Russell Crowe and this phone throwing support team.

Estrada's camp started negotiations low, not even asking for $1 million in the beginning, though Russell's team scoffed at their high six-figure initial request.

Meanwhile, the Aussie actor is in negotiations with Manhattan prosecutors, hoping to plea to a misdemeanor. A felony conviction could bar him from the country — and future acting gigs. District attorney Robert Morgenthau has made it widely known he'd rather see the two settle out of court and leave his office out of the matter.

The tabloid-buying American public, however, won't have any of that hands-off nonsense.

Despite what you may have heard from the Daily Mail, Russell Crowe isn't paying $11 million to Nestor Estrada, who was on the receiving end of his phone throw back in June.

While the British tabloid says it got word from sources close to Crowe's legal team that a deal was imminent, Crowe's lawyer Gerald Lefcourt says the rumors are entirely false. While both sides have met off and on, nobody's worked out a settlement.

So get back to ruminating on when and where Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will tie the knot, or you can tune in to Australia's 97.3 FM and hear us debunk the rumors.

• Nestor Estrada's lawsuit against Russell Crowe will likely be filed in Manhattan Supreme Court this week just as new details from the early morning phone toss are revealed. Among them: Crowe followed the phone throw with a vase chuck and completed his performance with a bow and karate stance. And the security tape (along with two Mercer employee witnesses) is there for all to see.

• Famed author Normal Mailer touched base with Page Six to clear up any misgivings about his Michiko Kakutani slam in Rolling Stone. His remarks weren't meant to keep her from reviewing his books in the future, he says, and he wasn't smart enough to even think of such a scheme.

&bull: Steven Cojocaru's highlighted bangs went back in for surgery on Monday to remove his transplanted kidney, which became infected post-op. He's now recooperating in a hospital, served plenty of popsicles and color touch-ups.

• When a L.A. county judge unseals court documents from Marc Schaffel's breach of contract lawsuit against Michael Jackson, the numbers just won't add up. Schaffel's detailed accounting records contradict figures provided in Jacko's most recent child molestation trial and provide a more detailed look at how the pop star moved money.

• Rapper Eve did the dirty with a Bad Boy boss, and it's caught on video. But without any real penis in the vagina action, we're still holding on to those lesbo rumors.

• The same Corey Clark who freaked it with Paula Abdul was cited on a misdemeanor battery charge when he got into a food fight with Laura Kathleen Troy, the manager of his record company.

• Avril Lavigne will soon be rocking a rock from Paris Hilton ex Deryck Whibley, as the Sum 41 frontman proposed over the weekend as the songstress finished up her European tour.

· After all that speculation that his phone throwing may have been a publicity stunt, Russell Crowe is suffering through authentic legal troubles and a box office dud. Cinderella Man took in just $18.3 million during its fourth-place opening weekend.

· Eager to share the spotlight with Craigslist, the Los Angeles Times is upping the promotion of its Recycler.com, which boasts 100,000 free classified ads each week. Which is, uh, a bit fewer than Craigslist.

· If ABC can have Dancing With the Stars, Fox insists on airing Skating With Celebrities. Not. Joking. And the show is going to be so hot, Fox's reality programming head Mike Darnell won't even tell you who's gonna be in it!

· Not that anybody should have entertained the alternative, but Michael Jackson's camp (read: attorney Thomas Mesereau) says his regular sleepovers with little boys will come to an end. Unilever is quaking with fears of reduced Vaseline sales.

· Texting into a ticket lottery for Live 8's London concert has already set a Guiness world record. It cost $2.42 per text, which raised $5.4 million for charity after 2 million voters texted in for just 66,500 available tickets.

· We told you about the Norwegian Cruise ship that raced through rough seas to New York fr an Apprentice appearance back in April. Now two dozen passengers have filed a $100 million lawsuit in Miami against the cruise line claiming they feared for their lives.

· LES stable Luna Lounge closed its doors over the weekend, and developers are already busy tearing up the venue.

· Lost may have inspired some diehard fans to tattoo those unlucky numbers onto their body, but at the show's convention (after just one season, they're having conventions?) it appears to have fizzled out.

· With his face still held together with pins, Burt Reynolds and ex-girlfriend Pamela Seals agreed to settle lawsuits against each other filed in November. Something about extortion, abuse, broken promises. (Yes, you read that last one correctly.)