• So the Grammys were last night and televised awards shows are Important, with a capital I. Here's the list of winners.

• Ryan Philippe talks about his divorce (promotes his new movie).

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• Beyonce's skimpy bikini offends the tender sensibilities of conservative Sin City residents.

• Authorities say the massive oil spill was likely caused by human error. When asked for comment, an annoyed Poseidon tersely replied, "Apology not accepted."

• Elisabeth Hasselbeck's newborn baby officially has a name! Next step: Toilet training the kid and teaching him how to memorize political jargon and mindless Republican propaganda.

CONTINUED »

• "Yesterday, Rosie [O'Donnell]'s chief writer, Janette Barber, was allegedly escorted from the building after she was caught drawing moustaches on photographs of [Elisabeth] Hasselbeck that hang in the "View" studios."

• Jessica Simpson totally 'freaks out' Leonardo DiCaprio by stalking him at Hotel Du Cap on Saturday night.

• Meanwhile, in other celebrity stakeout news, "Mrs. Kevin Federline is said to have followed Reese Witherspoon's estranged husband to the men's room. Her worried bodyguards are said to have later 'busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing.'"

• NFL is sick and tired of having its players portrayed as a bunch of thugs. After all, it's not as though they're just running around running dogfighting rings, shooting people or punching women in the face. Oh, wait.

• A non-working Will Ferrell turns his satire lens on Sanjaya; hilarity ensues.

Mike Sitrick – the crisis caretaker most recently in the news as Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein's PR pick – lasted only a few hours as Ryan Phillippe's divorcing spinmeister. It all started when Baker Winokur & Ryder, which reps both Ryan and Reese Witherspoon, decided to bring on Sitrick to avoid any conflict of interest for the splitting twosome.

Quickly after his hire, Sitrick put in a call to Bauer's In Touch, offering it an exclusive from Ryan's side. So like any publicist, Sitrick cherry picked some quotes out of the air and said they were from Ryan's mouth; In Touch ran with it as an exclusive. Only problem, as Page Six reports, was that BWR was already talking to People about giving the Time Inc. tabloid Ryan's exclusive. Pissing match ensues, and Sitrick is let go. But always the kings of spin, both BWR and Sitrick are claiming his wax wasn't not due to making up quotes, but that they realized "smaller is better" when it comes to handling PR nightmares.

Just ask Britney Spears — see how well things are going for her without any publicist at all?

• There's no prenup to muck things up in the Ryan Phillippe-Reese Witherspoon divorce. Which means Ryan gets 50 percent of Reese's upcoming $29 million pic, while Reese gets one half of Ryan's waning machismo. [TMZ]

• NPR's new obmudsman Bill Marimow insists he's up for the challenge of everyone hating him. [NPR]

• God, Matt Lauer is queer. [BWE]

• New Jersey, Staten Island remain bastion of New York City commuters. Connecticut reigns supreme. [NYO]

• DealBreaker loses bet with itself, forced to endure minutes, perhaps hours, of ridicule. [Gawker]

• Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields aren't just cordial to each other. They're fawning. [People]

It's Ryan Phillppe's fault — at least according to the National Enquirer, which claims the soon-to-be ex-husband of $29-million-per-picture Reese Witherspoon was caught carrying on an affair. From romancing his mistress (said to be Stop Loss co-star Abbie Cornish) at dinner to emailing her on his BlackBerry, Ryan's antics caught up with him at the Flags of Our Fathers premiere, when Reese discovered the BlackBerry emails. How else to explain their barely-there smiles from the red carpet coverage (seen here)?

Next week, look for a copy of fellow American Media Inc. tabloid Star — where they're certain to continue their corporate cousin confusion and blame Reese for the split.

• In a surprising twist of fate, it was Whitney Houston who wowed at Barbara Davis' annual Carousel of Hope ball, while Ivana Trump had to be removed for being a wee bit too intoxicated. [R&M]

• X17 leads the paparazzi and tabloid charges in a possible lawsuit against blogger Perez Hilton. [Radar]

• Angelina Jolie readies the legal clan to sue the director of a Cambodian charity she's accusing of stealing funds. [Reuters]

• Madonna's adopted baby hopeful David is already joining the Kabbalah cult. [Scoop]

• Scientologists can aim their thetan meters at Paula Redstone, who planted the sour seed on Tom Cruise that eventually brought Sumner's distaste. [Page Six]

• Roger Friedman claims he had the Reese Witherspoon-Ryan Phillippe breakup scoop weeks ago — but decided not to run it. [Fox 411]

• Fabrizio Moretti can't catch a break. Alls he was doin' was trying to hook it up with Drew Barrymore in that bathroom at the opera. That damn little old lady with bladder conditions just had to come in and ruin the mood. [Page Six]

• Who needs Nick Lachey (or talent, for that matter) when you've got the best friends a girl could have: perfect ta-tas. [The Sun]

• Ryan Phillipe is not about to let Fabrizio Moretti upstage him on the crazy sex stories. We just can't decide what's hotter: Peeing old ladies, or ripping off that non-vintage dress? [The Sun]

• Adding to the legacies of Lenin, Stalin, and Hussein … Colonel Sanders. If Pam Anderson gets her way. [Page Six]

• Even though her ex-husband is having a baby, Jennifer Aniston is still going out in public. Amazing. [Extra]