Do you, like us, ever wonder what it feels like to be cast as "Fat Girl #3" or "Pimply Loser #1" in those stupid teen movies? It can't be good for the soul, right? We guess it's a good thing, then, that ex-American Idol Sanjaya Malakar, who was just tapped to be the next star of Nationwide Insurance's humiliating "Life Sucks for Me" ad campaign, relinquished his soul, charisma and manhood a long, long time ago to Fox.

Like MC Hammer's and Kevin Federline's before his, Malakar's Nationwide commercial makes light of the fact that almost literally overnight he went from celebrity to That One Guy Who Was on That Show Once. Unlike Nationwide's past efforts, this time the company takes full advantage of their star's ethnicity. Intent on capturing the attention of the large uninsured South Asian market, Malakar's commercial finds him telling his troubles to an overweight guru named Guruji. Targeted!

What a good sport Sanjaya is. Especially considering the fact that he's about to super famous again: "'…if you’re going to continue being an entertainer, be in the media, you have to have some humor about yourself,' said Mr. Malakar, who said that in addition to working on an album he was pursuing deals for a book, a reality TV show and a video game." Hey, Sanjaya, stock up some of that insurance while you get a chance, bud. Not that this Sanjaya Malakar video game isn't going to be a huge hit, but we're just sayin'.

Nationwide Insurance must be incredibly desperate, because the company went all out to promote its newest spokeswhore, American Idol laughingstock Sanjaya. We would not be proud to have the creator of the ponyhawk pimping out our insurance, but to each his own.

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• "Yesterday, Rosie [O'Donnell]'s chief writer, Janette Barber, was allegedly escorted from the building after she was caught drawing moustaches on photographs of [Elisabeth] Hasselbeck that hang in the "View" studios."

• Jessica Simpson totally 'freaks out' Leonardo DiCaprio by stalking him at Hotel Du Cap on Saturday night.

• Meanwhile, in other celebrity stakeout news, "Mrs. Kevin Federline is said to have followed Reese Witherspoon's estranged husband to the men's room. Her worried bodyguards are said to have later 'busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing.'"

• NFL is sick and tired of having its players portrayed as a bunch of thugs. After all, it's not as though they're just running around running dogfighting rings, shooting people or punching women in the face. Oh, wait.

• A non-working Will Ferrell turns his satire lens on Sanjaya; hilarity ensues.

Remember when Jimmy Kimmel went off on Gawker's Emily Gould about how she was going to hell for invading the lives of celebrities? As homo-inclined younger cuz Queerty notes, Kimmel does a fine job of contradicting himself on that tenant of holding privacy sacred. It starts at about the 4:10 mark, and ends with Jimmy sitting down with Lucifer. And Lance Bass.

• Tyra Banks awkwardly molests Rosie on The View. And you thought Oprah was generous!

• Amateur sleuths travel back in time to show us what Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood looked like in high school. Though, in the case of Wood, it's less like "traveling through time" and more like "thinking back to a week ago."

• Meanwhile, People takes us back to a simpler time, when celebrities were just spoiled, whiny babies. Oh, wait.

• Alright, we don't like Hilary Duff's music anymore than you do. But we're still sorry to hear that she has a crazy, murderous stalker.

• Sanjaya's mom gets busted for growing marijuana. Which kind of explains why she kept smiling and encouraging that uber-talented son of hers.

• Pamela Anderson is single-handedly bringing boring. orange one-pieces back.

Despite being recently voted off of American Idol, and having nothing whatsoever to do with journalism or politics, Sanjaya Malakar apparently caused a minor stir at this year's White House Correspondents' Dinner.

And for those of you not keeping score, here's a quick tally of the White House Correspondents' Dinner invitations.

Jossip Editors: 0
Sanjaya Malakar's hair: 1.

Not that we're bitter or anything.

After finding himself alongside Lakisha Jones in the bottom two this week, the frequently permed (and consistently tone-deaf ) Sanjaya Malakar was finally sent packing on last night's vindicating emotional American Idol result show.

And once more, the country is divided.

Some, like loudmouth judge Simon Cowell and everyone with even a glimmer of actual musical or singing ability, are thrilled by the development, while others (i.e. Sanjaya's legions of adoring/hearing-impaired tween fans, Sanjaya's family and Sanjaya) were plainly devastated by the news.

And while it remains to be seen what's next for Sanjaya, how much he's learned throughout this entire process and whether or not he'll go on, post-Idol, to grace the cover of Tiger Beat, one thing is for certain: we'll always have the pony-hawk.

• Congratulations to Sanjaya Malakar, on being named Maxim online's "Girl of the Day!" (Bonus points for describing the pony-hawked "singer" as "an androgynous American Idol stowaway."

• Marilyn Manson describes his barely legal girlfriend as his "double," possibly referring to the fact that he's double her age.

• Lindsay Lohan enjoys a moment of complete solitude. And naturally, the hordes of paparazzi—who follow her every waking move—are right there to capture it.

• Also, Lindsay may or may not be a lesbian, depending on your definition of DJ Samantha Ronson.

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• Deluded Idol fan ends her 16-day hunger strike against Sanjaya, citing doctor's orders and "general wussiness." Quitter!

• But long before Sanjaya Malakar was destroying innocent music on American Idol, he was doing all the girls' hair in the North Seattle choir.

• LA Daily News makes clever biblical reference equates Sanjaya with Samson, and wonders whether he's "hair today, gone tomorrow."

• Meanwhile, Kentucky Fried Chicken offers Sanjaya a lifetime supply of KFC Bowls if he'll don a bowl haircut in one of his upcoming abysmal performances.

• Better still, now there's an online gambling site taking bets on Sanjaya's new 'do (including the "Donald Trump style, the Nancy Grace coiffe and the Don King finger int he electric socket look.")

So, we're not entirely sure how this is possible, but after another grueling night of lackluster American Idol performances, we're actually (gasp!) starting to get tired of making snippy remarks about Sanjaya Malakar's revolving-door hairdo's and "tone-challenged" vocals. Luckily for us, however, the Daily News isn't!

Today, the DN wisely refrains from rating Malakar's performance itself and instead solely on rating Sanjaya's latest hair "don't." The look? A Liberace inspired "pony hawk," which bears some (faint) resemblance to a modern-day Mohawk gone wrong. But what did the judges think?

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For those of you who haven't been watching American Idol this year, you haven't missed much. And you certainly haven't missed out on the musical stylings of seventeen year-old contestant Sanjaya Malakar, who's far better remembered for his luscious locks than his limited vocal range.

But apparently, the seemingly deliriously happy Sanjaya isn't actually enjoying his reputation as "the off-key Shirley Temple" on America's highest rated singing competition.

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