The bad news is, Maxim has a smarter, more sophisticated new look. (Because, as MediaWeek puts it, editorial director Jim Kaminsky is looking to "declutter the magazine’s look, cultivate service and humor, and fancy up its fashion pages, with a new how-to section." Or something.)

The good news? The finished product still has a hot chick wearing barely-there lingerie on the cover. Starting with the current issue featuring the (tastefully!) "La Perla-clad" actress Sarah Michelle Gellar on the cover, who epitomizes both class and sophistication by prancing around in her $400 brassiere.

Impressive as that was, however, we were actually far more intrigued by some of the other cover stories. Particularly the intelligent foray into the emergent genre of female masturbation, bearing the smart—yet impossibly refined—moniker of "Good Vibrations."

Farewell, Maxim. From now on, when we're looking for a trashy, lowbrow read, we'll simply borrow our roommate's copy of New York magazine instead.

[Image via JustJared]

At the Van Cleef & Arpels show last night, we learned a lot of things about New York society.

First off, living in "changing" neighborhood and working in our pajamas, it’s easy to forget that there is a whole portion of New York who spends more on maintaining a wrinkle free neck than we make. Secondly, that without a press pass, we’d never have the fashion sense or wealth to get invited to these things.

The “red carpet”—which was really more of a magenta—was littered with D-list stars. Julie Newmar arrived in a cab. Her companion was wearing a Paul Smith suit with pink strips that would have made Andy Dick blush. Sarah Michelle Gellar looked kind of old, but smiled as if her mortgage depended on it. Jared Kushner was as boyishly handsome in real life as he is in ink dot drawings.

The better stars arrived later. Ashley Olsen was escorted upstairs before photographers could shout Ashley at her a million times; Eve did not make it into the show, but was happy to report that her DUI ankle bracelet was safe for the shower, but not for the tub. Due a fire code violation, other stars didn’t even make it in.

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• Miss New Jersey shows us some ostensibly embarrassing pictures of herself that really just make us wish we were more bendy.

• Alright, fine. The Queen didn't really storm out of her photo session with Annie Leibowitz. She just threw a shitfit on the way in.

• Has anyone ever noticed that Shaun White and Carrot Top have never been in the same room, at the exact same time?

• Nothing against the power of cosmetics, but we're thinking maybe Sarah Michelle Gellar really was born with it.

• From CNN: "I'm no terrorist, grinning serial arsonist says."

• Jamie Lee Curtis has trouble adapting to this newfangled invention called "television." Also, she hopes this whole "reality tv" thing doesn't catch on.

• Britney Spears decides to steal Beyonce's gay, mermaid flair.

Stuck in the office on July 4th? This will distract you for approximately 1/1000th of your excruciatingly boring day.

• Turns out this brand new $600 iPhone isn't nearly as good as it's cracked up to be.

• Sarah Michelle Gellar had better pray that her hat is potty-trained.

Leslie Sloane Zelnik — the publicist behind trainwrecks Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, just doesn't know what to do with a celeb client that isn't a total fuck-up at all times.

Last Wednesday at the Marie Claire party in Soho, Zelnik told the Lowdown a little ditty about her least whack client, Sarah Michelle Gellar. Apparently Buffy is a total Winona.

"Want to know what she's obsessed with? Chanel black nail polish! It's sold out in the United States. She stole some from someone," uberflack Leslie Sloane Zelnik revealed to Lowdown as Gellar listened at Wednesday's Marie Claire Haute Shopping party in the SoHo loft of financier Henry Buhl. Patting her black shoulder bag, Zelnik added, "I have it in my purse."

We get that Gellar probably needs the press, but can't Zelnik get her on a "save the puppies" organization or something? We're not the expert on this, but she should probably be more focused on keeping Lindsay Lohan out of the bathroom than trying to her other clients arrested.

A polished performance by Gellar [Lloyd Grove, Lowdown]

• Congrats to Jack Black. His baby (the only boy born in a sea of celebgirls) will surely grow up to be rejected by Shiloh, Suri, and Isabella for years to come. [People]

• Y'know, after The Color Purple was repeatedly beaten at the Tony Awards, you'd think Harry Connick Jr would at least offer to share his meds with Oprah. [R&M]

• How Sarah Michelle Gellar possibly defended a man that calls a stylist a "fruit-salad head" is beyond us. Oh, yeah … that guy was Alec Baldwin. [Lowdown]

• We can practically see the Jessica Simpson Pregs With Jared Leto's Baby!!! headline forming for next week's Star cover. We guess this means Leto and Lindsay Lohan aren't together anymore? [Star]

• Sandra Bullock has been working in Hollywood for a pretty long while. And you all know who runs that place. [Page Six]

• Who to swap handshakes with: Members of the Marine Corp. or Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles? We'd choose to watch Lost repeats, but Tom Brokaw broke his armed forces speaking commitment to be with the latter. [Page Six]

• So much for Leonardo DiCaprio's Pussy Posse's charm. After getting the boot from Gisele Bundchen after exploring the shores of Sienna Miller's beach, he couldn't even muster a Halloween lay. [Page Six]

• The latest Rosa Parks name dropper? Sarah Michelle Gellar, who lectured on the shallowness of women's values today – compared to Parks' mission – at .. a party for DKNY jeans. [Lowdown]

• She'll do the cover of New York and pen 12,000 words for the Times in any given week, but point a paparazzi camera at Maureen Dowd and she'll flee. [Gatecrasher]

• Wednesday night's gala at the Guggenheim for the new Michelin Red Guide was a foodie who's who, but the French book's snubs meant the Four Seasons' Julian Niccolini was (among others) a no show, leaving Daniel Boulud to soak up the limelight. [Page Six]

• What do you do when your own network won't help you pimp your memoirs? If you're Mike Wallace, you have your son, Chris, interview you. [AP]

• Retired nightclub impresario Peter Gatien is back on the scene, but if a nightclub opens in Toronto, does it really count as a comeback? [Page Six]