Now that Tina Fey is done with her Sarah Palin impressions, she can be off writing that memoir/book/funny stuff that she's been allotted $6 million for. So hey, it looks like book writing is the one profession in word trading that still might be lucrative, providing that you are already an established success in your field.
And right now? The hot ticket is women comedians. Sarah Silverman's non-fiction humor essays just ended a huge bidding war between HarperCollins and two other publishing houses, with HC emerging the victor in a $2.5 million bid. Now it's all in-fighting at HarperCollins HQ, as three editors from each of the house's different sections (Harper, Collins, and William Morrow) try to decide who gets the Silverman collection, which her agent is billing as "just like Tina Fey's."
That must have been what it felt like for Augusten Burroughs when his agent had to refer to him as "just like David Sedaris."
Blame it on the High Holy Days around the corner, but Jews are certainly getting their fair share in the press recently for reasons other than owning the entire industry. Not that you couldn't do this exercise any old week, but just looking back in the past five days, count how many Jew-centric stories are in the news: Harvey Weinstein in the press again, Sarah Silverman shlepping for America, hell, even Bill O'Reilly feels the need to comment on the Jewiest show about Jews, albeit a decade too late.
Now, in honor of Rosh Hashanah this weekend, The Jewish Channel launched a series of webisodes, featuring New York elite Jews talking about their yearly mitzvahs. Unfortunately, Woody Allen isn't involved, but Rachel Sklar is, so things equal out? Maybe?
First of the episodes, after the jump:
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Taking no chances on Florida's political leaning this November, Sarah Silverman is urging Jews with Sunshine State-based grandparents to schlep down there and convince them to vote for Barack Obama.
Funny lady Sarah Silverman as Amy Winehouse? At least she's not doing Britney Spears' "lips" on national TV. The Matt Damon philanderer joins SNL types like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristin Wiig, and Maya Rudolph, and Chelsea Handler, Wanda Sykes, and Sandra Bernhard in April's Vanity Fair to defend against the argument from the magazine's scribe Christopher Hitchens that women aren't funny. See how Graydon Carter is making a publicity stunt out of his own publicity stunt? That's why he's paid the big bucks. [Popbytes]
Not to be outdone by Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel announced in song form that he's fucking Ben Affleck. The cameo laden video is funnier than the scary dream montage from the Oscars. Plus, the FCC's ban on all things potentially offensive makes for good comedic timing.
• For Jimmy Kimmel's fifth anniversary, GF Sarah Silverman makes a viral video with Matt Damon. Oh, cross-promotional love. (First twenty seconds are all that's worth watching.)
• Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert's make-out worked: we're writing about them right now!
When asked the backlash sparked by her comments about Brit at the VMA's, Sarah Silverman replied, "I’m in it to be funny and not for the drama." In which case, might we suggest a career change? [Us]
In honor of Yom Kippur, we thought we'd post a classic* Sarah Silverman moment in which the sometimes funny/always offensive comedienne expounds on how young black men elderly Jewish people are actually EXACTLY the same. (Reasons include "all their friends are dying" and they're both "crazy about their grandchildren.") We're not sure we're entirely convinced, but in the spirit of atonement, we figured we'd watch it now and then apologize for watching it later.
*by YouTube standards
These early pictures of Amy Winehouse bring to mind one of Sarah Silverman's funnier only funny remarks from her VMA's monologue. And so, in the words of a mainly offensive (but occasionally hilarious) comedienne, "She is Jewish, right? 'Cause if she isn't, someone better tell her face."
Days ago, Kanye West lashed out at a beleaguered Britney Spears, stating the obvious ("I can’t believe she would perform [at the VMA's]—she hasn’t had a hit record in years”) and citing racism—and, presumably, poor taste—as the underlying reason behind MTV's questionable choice.
When asked for his comments again after Spears' show-opener, an uncharacteristically speechless West replied, "I have no words."
For those of you who missed it, Spears' lethargic VMA's performance was certainly a (lackluster) sight to behold. Picture, if you will, the slightly overweight washed-up pop star, clad only in an ill-fitting black bikini, lip-syncing lazily to her brand new hit single while halfheartedly gyrating against her nubile male dancers.
Now picture it again, except this time think "exponentially more awkward."
Was that incredible? She is amazing. I mean, she is 25 years old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life.
It's mind-blowing. And she's so grown up, she's a mother! It’s weird to think that just a few years ago on this very show, she was this, like, sweet innocent little girl in slutty clothes writhing around with a python. That’s not nice…calling Madonna a python.
But have you seen Britney’s kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are so cute! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of.
–Host Sarah Silverman's introductory remarks, immediately following Britney Spears' "comeback" performance at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards [via]
• Christina Aguilera tricks her new hubby into wearing an effeminate grass skirt by telling him, "You are beautiful. No matter what they say."
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson's adulterous affair-turned-relationship is over, even before it "officially" ever began.
• Thanks to Sarah Silverman, Cisco Adler's balls will be hanging around for just a little while longer.
• Victoria Beckham defies gravity and mandatory pants-or-skirt requirement in this revolutionary corset singlet.
• Watch out Lindsay—there's a new hottie in town. And she doesn't have "mandatory drug-testing" written into her employment agreement.
• Who knew Ryan Seacrest acting like himself could be so damn hilarious?
Who said Sarah Silverman isn't funny? At the very least, she's awkward. And has a 50-50 chance of being asked back at next year's MTV Movie Awards.
• Turns out Sarah Silverman's new VMA billboard is almost as annoying as Sarah Silverman.
• Chuck Schumer may have contracted lyme disease. Which is ironic, since he helped champion a bill to allot millions to lyme disease research! Unfortunately for Schumer, that bill was later rejected.
• Leno celebrates his 15th anniversary by reminding us all the he and Letterman actually get along great. As long as they're not speaking or in the same room together.
• Nicole Richie copies Paris' hairstyle, oversized sunglasses, and—judging by the horizontal, black-and-white striped shirt—Paris' prison record.
• What would a blaxsploitation version of Jaws look like? This.
• "Yesterday, Rosie [O'Donnell]'s chief writer, Janette Barber, was allegedly escorted from the building after she was caught drawing moustaches on photographs of [Elisabeth] Hasselbeck that hang in the "View" studios."
• Jessica Simpson totally 'freaks out' Leonardo DiCaprio by stalking him at Hotel Du Cap on Saturday night.
• Meanwhile, in other celebrity stakeout news, "Mrs. Kevin Federline is said to have followed Reese Witherspoon's estranged husband to the men's room. Her worried bodyguards are said to have later 'busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing.'"
• NFL is sick and tired of having its players portrayed as a bunch of thugs. After all, it's not as though they're just running around running dogfighting rings, shooting people or punching women in the face. Oh, wait.
• A non-working Will Ferrell turns his satire lens on Sanjaya; hilarity ensues.
Sarah Silverman did more than produce a hilarious "Lance Bass is gay?" skit at last night MTV Video Music Awards. She also told us what InStyle magazine – not listed among the best fashion advice books – is best for.
• A whopping 42 songs have been short-listed as nominees for Best Song at the 2006 Academy Award. "You're Going To Die Soon" from Sarah' Silverman's movie, Jesus is Magic better win, or we're blaming the Jews. [Oscars.org]
• Indie poster boy of yesteryear, Conor Oberst, was denied admission to the Vice Holiday Party at Fat Baby. Now we don't feel so lame for being totally carded on the LES this weekend. [Village Voice]
• Why a masher with a name like Party Ben is a threat to Green Day we'll never know. We would, however, understand if this sparks a nationwide 'who's gayer' debate. [MTV]
• Pink Floyd fans would be psyched, for David Gilmour's solo tour if all those acid trips didn't erase him from their memories. [Press Democrat]
• 50 Cent rags on those our northern neighbors for not letting his thug posse into the country. Come on, really — why would a bunch of Canadians be scared of a huge black man with a face full of bullets? [TMZ]
• Great genes and great PR are so often indistinguishable. [Page Six]
Sarah Silverman on Heeb? It's like they're pushing the Jewish agenda or something.
Had we known Slate was going to bend Sarah Silverman over its knee before the gangbang, we would've totally alerted Jack Shafer. And David Hans Schmidt.
• A judge ordered Courtney Love into rehab after her sobbing confession that she violated terms of her parole by getting high. His honor's mission? Letting Love hit rock bottom. Meanwhile, the Kurt Cobain widow is reportedly pregnant with actor Steve Coogan's child. We're sure that fetus will turn out nicely.
• It's splitsville for sitcom hopeful Jenny McCarthy and her husband of six years, John Asher. No word on how the divorcing duo will be splitting custody of their children or her breasts.
• Take you and your "Marcia Cross is a lesbian" rumors and stick 'em back in your double-wide. The Desperate Housewives vixen accepted a marriage proposal from boyfriend Tom Mahoney. We hear they'll be donning matching tuxedos.
• You'll have to wait a little longer for Natalie Portman's shaved head, as her V For Vendetta flic that features a London Underground bombing has been postposted from November to March 2006 in reaction to the real-life terror attack.
• Talk shower Joe Franklin is ruminating on whether to file a lawsuit against The Aristocrats for funny lady Sarah Silverman's that he raped her.
• Olivia Newton-John continues her search for long-time boyfriend Patrick Kim McDermott, who might follow right behind Natalee Holloway in cable news coverage.
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