Remember when ScoJo made that huge deal about being email buddies with Barack Obama, only to have his camp totally repudiate that claim? And you're thinking to yourself, "God, what I wouldn't give to be AIM BFFs with Scarlett, why is Obama dissing her like that?"
And why so close to election are we getting more celebrity "Get Out the Vote" ads then we are endorsements? It's no secret who George Clooney and most of Hollywood is voting for, so why are they suddenly playing coy with voters, who are more likely to vote for whoever Ashton tells them to?
Maybe because some famous people have finally wised up to what it means to connect yourself to a political candidate.
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Is it just me, or is Woody Allen's UES home a little bit…WASPy? It looks like the type of place owned by Diane Keaton's family in Annie Hall, instead of the "under the Cyclone" Brooklyn feel of Woody's own childhood. But whatevs, when Architectural Digest gives you a tour of one of New York's most famous iconoclasts, you don't complain.
You just look for all the creepy pedophile stuff. See if you can spot it in this picture:
To the dismay of warm-blooded males and Woody Allens everywhere, Scarlett Johansson got herself married off in a quickie ceremony this past weekend. The 23-year old bombshell wed actor Ryan Reynolds, best known for his work in Blade:Trinity and for his ability to resemble a slightly more angular Dane Cook. The small ceremony took place in Vancouver, attended only by the immediate family of the bride and groom. Barack Obama was not present, despite the pair's close friendship.
This wedding came as a shock to the majority of the world who hadn't bothered keeping tabs on who ScoJo was boning, but the couple became engaged in May after a year of dating, and held a "rushed" ceremony this past weekend. How long, do you think, before Scarlett and her hubbie (who is coincidentally Alanis Morissette's second most famous ex after Dave Coulier) announce they are expecting? Canadians celebrities have ambiguous shotgun weddings too, you know.
Or perhaps the quick marriage was to ensure Johansson's Canadian citizenship, just in case McCain wins the election and the actress needs to save face by moving to Canada, the way all those liberals in 2004 threatened to do if Bush was reelected.
You either like Woody Allen or you don't, and at this late stage of the game, nothing can really be written to either persuade or dissuade you from seeing his newest bodice-ripper, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Lately (in the last two decades) Allen's been more hit-and-miss, but hey, Match Point was a great thriller; Anything Else, not so much.
So if you're on the fence about seeing Allen's latest offering, his set diary might persuade you. Or, equally likely, it might not.
Allen's scribblings are a litmus test to see if you like that kind of broad, Russian humor he specializes in as a writer (Love and Death being his pièce de résistance for Chekov/Tolstoy jokes). And sure, blah blah blah he's obsessed with ScoJo and young women, but at least the guy can make fun of himself: CONTINUED »
• Kirstie Alley is “stepping down” as the spokesperson for Jenny Craig. Fatties are so self-hating.
• Based on her topless photo spread, rumors that Lindsay Lohan had breast implants were false.
• Okay, Elisha Cuthbert, this is the last time we're writing about you until you make out with another chick. Going to first base with Paris Hilton only takes you so far.
• That's cute: Spencer Pratt thinks he important enough to have a feud with Madonna.
• Ah! Our boss man is coming back from Amsterdam.
• Girl kisses, the Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson edition.
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SOMEONE DIDN'T READ THE RULES Scarlett Johansson refused to speak to an Us Weekly reporter because of the plastic surgery feature they did on her. Um, that's how the tabloid industry works. They say horrible things about you, and you continue to grant them access to promote your movies and/or relationships. [NYDN]
• Page Six uncovers that Matthew McConaughey doesn't use deodorant. Here's hoping that his next People profile reveals his toilet paper consumption.
• Bart Simpson, or rather Bart Simpson's voice, Nancy Cartwright, gave $10 million to Scientology. Residual checks well spent!
• Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson go all the way and hold hands in public.
• Avril Lavigne enjoys her last few weeks with a bikini body.
• Jessica Alba is having a boy. Whatever, unless you're buying a onesie for her, you have no business caring about this.
• Good news: If you like picturing celebrities doing menial labor, some has done the Photoshopping work for your imagination.
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Maer Roshan has gotta be pissed. After unleashing yet another Radar unto the masses – just to prove that he could, we're convinced – he loses out on the cover story's publicity to … Us Weekly.
Let us explain. CONTINUED »
Although we can’t always shake the nasty habit of writing in the royal we, occasionally one of our editors decides to shake off the cloak of anonymity to write a short, pithy statement long, rambling diatribe about a topic of their choice. Today, Debbie Newman is that editor.
Scarlett Johansson, the actress best known for her throaty voice, enormous breasts and inability to save The Nanny Diaries has preemptively threatened Us Weekly with a lawsuit over this week's cover story suggesting that the buxom starlet went under the knife.
A boring, legalese statement issued by Johansson claims the article's "clear implication that she has had plastic or cosmetic surgery on her nose is an outrageous and defamatory fabrication lacking any conceivable basis or proof."
Well, obvs! We are, after all, talking about celebrity weeklies, here. Meanwhile, unwilling to leave well enough alone, OK! goes from exalting in Us' impending legal woes to slamming its more successful rival with demoralizing accusations of shoddy journalism.
• FEMA apologizes for holding a (fake) news conference in California to discuss the (real) wildfires.
• Breaking: Ellen and Portia are still together! Which is to say they haven't broken up. Yet.
• Scarlett Johansson gave her boyfriend Ryan Reynolds one of her teeth on a chain. Fortunately, it was gold-plated! Which makes it creepy rather than just plain gross.
• William Shatner will, unfortunately, not be cast in the new Star Trek movie on account of being 20 years too old. Thankfully, he's handling the disappointment with the utmost grace and maturity.
• When asked about pictures of Russian President Vladimir Putin's fishing topless, GOP presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee creepily replied: "While I am impressed with the fact he can get out and go fishing, the shirtless photo doesn't do anything for me. Now, if it was a picture of Scarlett Johansson, that would be another story." Zing?
• Dude, you do not want to be the guy who has to explain to all his drinking buddies that he just got the living crap beat out of him by Andy Dick.
• Dog mauls autographed Vick football.
• David Letterman and Oprah generously agree to put aside their differences long enough to kiss and make up cross-promote.
• Barnes & Noble agrees to shelve If I Did It (despite adamantly promising not to less than a week ago). Presumably because they're a greedy corporation built on a foundation of hypocrisy and capitalism.
• Bad style becomes illegal. Related: LAPD issues a warrant for Richard Simmons' arrest.
• Apparently, Scarlett Johansson is way too classy to portray Jenna Jameson in a major motion picture. However, she's evidently not above blowing Benicio Del Toro in a hotel elevator. Go figure!
• Rebecca Gayheart manages to spend a night with her ex, Brett Ratner, without accidentally-on-purpose running him over with her car.
• Ever wondered what Victoria Beckham would look like if she were less "trophy wife/former Spice Girl" and more "Suzy Homemaker?"
• Kelly Osbourne gives them the ol' razzle dazzle.
• Fat-bottomed (British) girls they make the rappin' world go round.
• A jury of Peter Braunstein's peers rejected his mental insanity plea and convicted him on charges stemming from the 2005 Halloween attack. Jurors cited Braunstein's meticulous premeditation and overpowering urge to kill Vogue editrix Anna Wintour as evidence that he was, in fact, fit to stand trial.
• Meanwhile, attractive CNN wannabes are lining up in hopes of nabbing Paula Zahn's coveted anchor spot. But we're not ready to say goodbye to Paula yet. After all, who could predicted this?
• One year and 25 operations after being injured in Iraq, CBS news correspondent Kim Dozier is finally ready to tell her story. Which is both amazingly empowering and exceedingly difficult to turn into a punchline.
• The Today show's new "Today On The Trail" feature is remarkably similar to This Week with George Stephanopoulos' award-winning "On The Trail" feature. Then again, it's probably just an unfortunate coincidence.
• Scarlett Johansson channels Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe in the new Louis Vuitton campaign, reminds us that "curvy physique" is apparently synonymous to "Size two."
And just when you think the Post doesn't do enough serious journalism, they bring us this life-altering exposée on Scarlett Johansson and her recent trials and tribulations.
And our favorite part (besides the comparison between ScarJo and a troll doll) had to be this constructive critique about her recent musical debut.
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• In utterly shocking news, insiders reveal things aren't going so well on the set of Victoria Beckham's new reality show. More specifically, Posh is "boring," "full of herself" and "coming off as a grade-A bitch."
• Hillary Clinton tries to overhaul her aging lesbian-inspired wardrobe by rocking a canary yellow pantsuit.
• It's almost as though no one cares about K-Fed's "Look, I'm a player!" hands or Paris Hilton's lazy-eyed "come hither" stare anymore.
• Scarlett Johansson takes a tumble after she tries, fails, to run with a coat over her head.
• Jessica Biel's enormous booty great personality turns heads at a recent Mercedes-Benz polo tourney.
• Ali Larter is our new "Hero."
• Jay-Z: What baby?
• Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds make things official. "Official," in the sense that she's obnoxious and he's hot.
• Liz Hurley's new in-laws not so fond of her, or their treatment at her wedding.
• Justin Timberlake: Prick. But rich. And doable.
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Scarlett Jo sure did play it coy at the Grammy's, when the tactless Ryan Seacrest asked her to clarify her relationship status with JT:
We have a lot of friends in common, and Justin's a sweetheart, and it's always good to see him, but there's a lot of speculation and I try not to read that stuff. I think when two people are single and are seen together, it's immediately like a crazy feeding frenzy
Translation: "We're totally doing it—and Justin's even tried to talk me into doing a threesome with Jessica "Big Booty" Biel."
Anyways, here's the music video that got Justin into loads of trouble with Cam, earned Scarlett another another notch on her bedpost and proved that there really is nothing sexier than floating around in a chlorine-filled pool with all of your clothes on.
Justin Timberlake is slightly our new hero. Don't believe us? Allow us a moment or two to explain why.
First of all, Justin scores points for dating Britney Spears during her "hot phase," (translation: before she embraced her white-trash side, but after she "secretly" broke her vows of chastity).
Which means he enjoyed tons of not-fat nookie that didn't culminate in 2 unexpected (and often-dropped) children. Or an alleged sex tape.
Not long after dumping Brit, Justin likewise ditched the cheesy boy-banders, launched a phenomenally successful solo career, cashed in on the older woman/younger guy trend by landing Cameron "Mrs. Robinson" Diaz, and even managed to bring the funny back to SNL with the ever-catchy "Dick in a Box."
And all this while smoking copious amounts of pot.
Then, Justin broke up with Cam (who was starting to get kinda clingy and have crazy, shitshow jealousy tantrums anyway), and embraced the swinging bachelor life, following up a one-week sexathon with Jessica "Baby Got Back" Biel by scoring a post-Super Bowl touchdown with Scarlett "Don't Eat In Front Of Me" Johansson.
Which means that while you were getting older, balder and more wrinkly these past couple of birthdays, Justin has become hotter, richer, and more desirable than ever before. So, well played, Mr. Timberlake, well played. Because if there's one thing you and Kevin "It's All About The Alimony" Federline can agree on, it's that saying "Bye, Bye, Bye" to Britney was the shrewdest move you ever made.
• Republicans hate the fact that Giuliani's pro-choice and pro-gay almost as much as they hate the fact that Barack Obama is pro-terrorist.
• Brandy to get more than a slap on the wrist for killing someone with her car.
• Martha Stewart voices her support for Hillary, Rosie; admits to TiVoing Ellen DeGeneres.
• "Dresses to Di For" tour scrapped after Princess Di's ill-timed fatal car crash; tour to finally relaunch under new, less offensive name.
• Possible new couple alert: Scarlett Johansson and Marky Mark go on a funky lunch…date.
• Diddy bang Sienna or what?? London tabs getting feisty over rumors that Diddy, a new daddy, is diddling the mediocre actress.
• Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie eat a not-at-all staged dinner together; bond over mutual hatred of "unsightly" Mr. Chow doggie bags.
Feeling slightly overwhelmed this morning by all the juicy, gossipy goodness? Better hold onto your hats. The latest rumor is that Scarlett Johansson has given up her former favorite pastime of hating on your sack lunchin favor of a new one: boyfriend stealing.
That's right, the casting couch queen is now being charged with having helped to precipitate the Justin/Cameron breakup for her own, selfish, Justin-snatching reasons. Supposedly, Cam was feeling "threatened" because Justin went behind her back to cast Johansson in his new music video. Us Weekly reports:
The decision to cast the 20-year-old as the video vixen pushed Timberlake's relationship with Diaz to the breaking point, and paved the way for Johansson to move in for the kill.
But wait! That's not all the unidentified tipster had to say:
Adds the source, “they definitely got together after she did the video.”
Indeed, sources in both stars’ inner circles tell Us the couple are in the beginning stages of a relationship and excited to get to know each other.
You hear that? "They definitely got together" and now they're officially dating. And if the anonymous source is saying it, it just has to be true. So, there you have it, Scarlett Jo has finally graduated from being Woody Allen's private muse to becoming a full-on celebrity homewrecker. Almost makes us feel kinda smug about Josh Hartnett's recent romp on the bathroom floor.
Editorial Director
