Update: The AP is reporting that Conrad Black was sentenced to 6 1/2 years in federal (i.e. "Pound You Up The Ass") prison for "swindling shareholders in his Hollinger International media empire out of millions of dollars."
And this time around, we're guessing the white collared offender won't be issued a presidential pardon.
Earlier: Convicted Press Baron Conrad Black Faces Up To 30 Years In The Clink
Remember back when all those high-powered White House officials leaked the identity of former CIA operative Valerie Plame, thereby ruining all her future career prospects, and leaving her with no recourse except to slap them with a lawsuit (that will inevitably be tossed) and write a book about her experience as an undercover agent (which will, undoubtedly, be quashed by the CIA prior to publication) all because of some stupid, silly grudge they had against Valerie's husband, Joseph Wilson?
Well, no final word on the book as of yet, but CNN is reporting that the lawsuit is dead in the water.
• Dios mio! Telemundo anchor Mirthala Salinas quickly yanked off the air for pulling a Maria Bartiromo and banging the mayor of Los Angeles.
• Sources suspect a purported conflict of interest had something to do with Salinas' suspension, with the NYT observing "it was not a wise career move to report that the mayor of Los Angeles was leaving his wife while failing to mention that she was dating him." Well, yeah, in hindsight.
• Meanwhile, People magazine is not sorry they landed the exclusive Paris Hilton interview and Us Weekly is not sorry that they didn't.
• The Simpsons movie to piss off humorless religious, environmentalist types.
• "Scientology is not homophobic in any way," scoffs John Travolta. "In fact, it's one of the more tolerant faiths. Anyone's accepted," says Travolta, who hastily added, "Well, as long as they've got money."
• The countdown until the Libby pardon continues! Have you entered your office pool, yet?
• Nicole Kidman takes shelter under her umbrella, Ella. Ella. Ey, ey—oh, nevermind.
• No longer content to make crappy music in only one genre, Kelly Clarkson signs with a new, country music manager.
• Sir Elton John exhibits the typical, understated British civility.
• Isaiah Washington's back in the news, and we don't care.
In an unforeseen utilization of his presidential powers, George W. Bush has astounded the nation by electing to commute the sentence of former adviser Scooter Libby. Libby, whose request to "remain free on bail while pursuing his appeals for the serious convictions of perjury and obstruction of justice" was denied by the United States Court of Appeals yesterday, and was most likely already changing into his prison jumpsuit when he got word that his old pal (and former boss) W. had unexpectedly come to the rescue.
President Bush explains his decision, after the jump.
With the sentencing of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Fitzgerald has apparently finished his work, which was, not to put too fine a point on it, to make a mountain out of a molehill. At the urging of the liberal press (especially the New York Times), he was appointed to look into a run-of-the-mill leak and wound up prosecuting not the leaker — Richard Armitage of the State Department — but Libby, convicted in the end of lying. This is not an entirely trivial matter since government officials should not lie to grand juries, but neither should they be called to account for practicing the dark art of politics. As with sex or real estate, it is often best to keep the lights off.
That's from Richard Cohen's WaPo column this morning. The fun begins when Salon's Glenn Greenwald tears it to pieces. CONTINUED »
Apparently swayed by the hard-nosed "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" precedent set by celebrity offenders Martha Stewart, Joe Francis and Paris Hilton, a court has reportedly sentenced White House "fall guy" Scooter Libby to 30 months in the slammer for taking the blame for a much larger scale Bush administration conspiracy lying to federal investigators and obstructing justice.
Reports CNN:
I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, was sentenced today to 30 months in prison for lying to investigators in the CIA leak case. He also was fined $250,000. Libby was found guilty in March of lying about what he told reporters about CIA operative Valerie Plame.
While Scooter is said to be unhappy with the court's decision, he has already scheduled an appointment at a top D.C. day spa for a "John Edwards" haircut, a facial and full chemical peel, and a session with a top makeup artist "Christoff" immediately prior to becoming a guest of the state, and plans to spend the bulk of his 2-3 years behind bars commencing work on his next erotic novel.
Our advice for Scooter? Tell everyone you're going to rehab instead. It's much more en vogue, and with luck, most people won't figure out that you're actually incarcerated for at least another year or two.
Of course, if all else fails, just have your bestie/former drinking buddy George W. cut you a presidential pardon.
Or, you know, suck it up. We hear the trick is to kick someone's ass the first day or become someone's bitch…
• Verbal grudge-match heats up between staffers at the Today show and Good Morning America, yielding doozies such as "Gay-MA" and "Today? More like 'Yesterday.'" Zing!
• Scooter Libby might actually go to prison. Fortunately for him, Paris has made it "all the rage."
• Did Departures magazine play too prominent a role in the episode leading up to The Sopranos' departure?
• 'Eric Alterman is the aging-lefty Lindsay Lohan!' proclaims Lloyd Grove in New York magazine. And here we thought Lloyd was an aging-lefty unemployed gossip gossip columnist.
• Boston Globe rips Conservapedia a new one.
• Hillary Clinton stops by Skadden Arps. Relax, it was nothing litigious—she was probably just picking up her latest truckload of campaign donations.
As we write this, we’re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside,* currently being wasted on lazy unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we’ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called “Comment of the Day,” to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.
Today’s “Comment of the Day” comes to us from Wonkette, and pertains to Scooter Libby's sentencing memorandum—an unbiased legal document (produced by Scooter Libby's legal team) explaining why defendant Scooter Libby should not be sentenced to prison.
Early contender "Words" gets things started with a bang:
Shame is he's the only one in our lifetime to pay for anything this Loser Administration has done (besides the constituents, of course). –Words
Ultimately, however, "Gnaeus" wins us over with his blunt candor.
• Finally, an exposé on David Blum's ouster at the Voice. Why we had to wait full days for this, we'll never know.
• Meanwhile, Blum gives his side of the story.
• Louise MacBain's LTB Media loses another EIC. Peter Terzian walks out after a month on the job. Typical.
• Just like our exclusive report late last night, the LAT (a Tribune paper) says Sam Zell is closer to buying Tribune Co. You don't say?
• David Beckham wears the same shirt twice on Details.
• Us Weekly, cheating the numbers to meet its rate base?
CONTINUED »
The Scooter Libby trial is over. After the long search for an unbiased jury, the weeks of testimony (featuring an impressive, lunching-at-Michael's-worthy array of media personalities) and nearly three weeks of deliberation, the jury has finally reached a verdict.
Lewis "Scooter" Libby, former chief of staff to Dick Cheney, has been found guilty of lying about how he learned the identity of former CIA agent, Valerie Plame, and obstructing a leak investigation that "reached into the highest levels of the Bush administration."
And while the trial was, at times, less captivating than the Anna Nicole Smith Media Circus, we're suddenly reminded of all the moments that made the Libby affair so memorable.
CONTINUED »
• A-Listers and power-players converged at the Beverly Hilton yesterday evening. Their agenda? $2300 for one night with Barack Obama. Sexy-time!
• Scooter Libby trial moves into closing argument phase; Jossip moves into "we're already over it" phase.
• Deborah Norville signs enormous multiyear deal that prevents her from going "outside" Inside Edition.
• New York Post's top editor is suddenly reluctant to speak badly of their arch-nemesis, the New York Daily News.
• Fortunately for all, Post columnist Keith Kelly has no squeamishness whatsoever.
• Months after sustaining a head injury from an insurgent attack in Iraq, former World News Tonight anchor Bob Woodruff is still recovering. Which is almost as sad as ABC's decision to post X-rays of his skull.
• The National Journal thinks media is too obsessed with rich people. "Not true!" shrieks unemployed hotel heiress, Paris Hilton.
• Good news for advertisers: DVR users don't fast-forward all the commercials—just the ones on the programs they've remembered to DVR.
• Times' style editor proves he's "already over" Gawker by dissing Thursgay styles and comparing the blog to "your grandfather."
CONTINUED »
• Presidential candidates will expand their campaigns to include mass-advertising on websites and blogs.**
• Experts say there's no such thing as having a "face for radio" anymore; Rush Limbaugh disagrees.
• Dick Cheney will not be testifying the media circus shitshow that IS the Scooter Libby trial.
• If Nightline expands to a new hour-long format, it would thereby replace Jimmy Kimmer Live in the ABC line-up nobody watches.
• Government's "war on the press" is going about as well as the United States' war in Iraq.
• Diane Sawyer dons a head scarves and confronts the president of Iran, while Katie Couric anchors a news broadcast with a "gripping" report on mid-day napping.
**Related: Jossip would like to remind everyone of its fair, unbiased political coverage and excellent advertising rates.
• Retired NFL star Tiki Barber to join NBC's Today Show; maybe this will help them "tackle" the male thirty-something market.
• In sad news for publishing moguls (and Anna Wintour's assistants) magazine circulations were way down in the second half of 2006.
• With the help of Walter Pincus, Tim Russert and Bob Woodward's testimonies, the Scooter Libby trial is now expected to replace Michael's as the newest hotspot for media elite.
• MTV job cuts have decimated its five business units. Still intact: those idiots on The Real World.
• After thinking about it for a week or two, Times' publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. has decided he actually does care whether or not the NYT is still in print five years from now.
• Ron Goldman's family continues to fight for the $40 million O.J. still owes them for "that whole murder thing." Related: USA Today can't write a lied to save its life.
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