• Antonella Barba may not have the best set of pipes, but apparently her other "assets" helped the Idol wannabe skate through another elimination.

• And in related news, former AI contestant Kellie Pickler performed on the show last night. "Have you spent any money since being on the show?" Ryan Seacrest asks her breast implants.

• Meanwhile, inspired by Kellie/Antonella's leads, Jesse Metcalfe shows off his man-boobs.

• Anna Nicole Smith is finally buried. And in true ANS style, she's wearing a tiara and beaded gown.

• Rosie O'Donnell apologizes for her co-star's propensity to inappropriately burst into tears.

• Britney takes time out of busy rehabbing schedule to go on a shopping spree, y'all!

• Babe magnet Scott Storch proves he's even sadder than we thought by releasing a "diss track" against hip-hop producer Timbaland.

We'd like to take a minute out of your afternoon to talk about a man named Scott Storch. Storch is a hotshot producer, a terrible dresser, and the would-be romancer of Miss Lindsay "Rehab" Lohan.

He's the man who brought you Chris Brown's "Run It," and Beyonce's "Baby Boy," the man who's bright orange shades match the bright orange curtains, the man whose own production company it embarrassingly titled "Tuff Jew Productions," and the man for whom color-blindness has never proven an impediment.

Alas, Scott Storch apparently has no game.

Sure, he's banged L'il Kim and Paris Hilton in the past, but seriously, who hasn't? More recently, he very publicly failed to seal the deal with Lohan despite reportedly shelling out for $1 million in jewelry, and then—if that wasn't embarrassing enough—suffered the indignity of losing her to "Girls Gone Wild" perv Joe Francis.

And now, it's being reported that Storch was stood up by his celebutante pals at his very own birthday bash:

SCOTT Storch is a hot record producer, but some of his lady friends are cold. Storch had a birthday party for himself last month in Miami at the nightclub Mansion. A friend tells us, "He's upset that none of his famous female friends - Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears - bothered to show up. And he even gave Lindsay $1 million in diamonds over New Year's! Kelly Rowland was supposed to come and sing a special 'Happy Birthday' to him and she was a no-show, too." A rep for Storch said, "Scott was not upset at all - he had Derek Jeter and Ludacris there, and a naked girl even popped out of the cake."

More Scott Storch douchebaggery after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Lindsay's little black book is looking mighty full these days. The underage alchy has been bombarded with admirers, attracting the notice of past conquests Wilmer Valderrama and Jared Leto, and catching the color-blind eye of record producer/fashion victim Scott Storch.

Although Leto and Valderrama attempted to rein Lindsay in with their best come-hither stares, Storch one-upped the competition by shelling out for expensive diamond jewlery in a transparent bid to graduate from Loser Guy Friend to Sympathy Fuck.

Not to be outdone, however, Kevin Federline reportedly got in on the action, by which we mean he attempted (and failed) to impress.

CONTINUED »

• Usher does his best to erase the memory of Joey Fatone on Broadway. [Hello!]

• Scott Storch goes from being prominent hip-hop producer to having a feud with Christina Aguilera. That must do wonders for his street cred. [Gatecrasher]

• Gasp! Kelly Clarkson dances on a bar. Page Six does not approve. (Mainly because she didn't show any tit.) [Page Six]

• Justin Timberlake spews hate on the less-attractive and less-successful Taylor Hicks. JT probably just has a crush. [MSNBC]

• Just in case you've forgotten: Cher is the scariest 60 year old ever. [TMZ]

• Eve is creating some space between herself and her sonnuva African dictator boyfriend. [R&M]

Hey you guyyyyys! All those rumors about Paris Hilton ditching fiance Paris Latsis to shack up with her record producer Scott Storch can't be true — even if we did see them together the other night.

And why can't these insinuations be true? Well, because "supermodel socialite" Cory "The Model" Bernstein said so. On his website, even!

I've been telling you guyz Scott Storch is ONLY Paris' friend and record producer. She is very happily still engaged to Mr. Paris , Paris Latsis and her wedding is NOT on hold, contrary to what the news and tabloids have and will be reporting…Paris and Paris are in love and happy and Are planning on being married with 2 weddings that I was told about and told you here, months ago.

Two weddings, did you hear that? So stop hating, even if you usually do believe everything Richard Johnson & Co. spew.

• Suge Knight's belt just got tighter now that a judge ruled to freeze the self-shooter's assets. The imprisoned husband of Lydia Harris, who is due $107 million from Suge for helping start Death Row Records, says half of that judgment should be his.

• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are looking to take twin actors Cole and Dylan Sprouse under their wing and turn them into the male version of them. Not the walking waif aspect, but the minting cash one.

• Paris Hilton continues snubbing probable ex-fiance Paris Latsis by touring the town with Scott Storch. Supposedly it's a move to generate publicity for her upcoming album. Or her upcoming, ahem, video.

• Meanwhile, new relationships are forming all around, with Tyson Beckford and Foxy Brown coupling up during a night at PM. So pleased were the duo that they asked for a copy of the photo a NYDN photog snapped.

• Maury Povich is back for an additional three years, say the rumors, as he's reupped with NBC Universal to continue airing what amounts to boot camp follow-ups.

• Dear god, we're not sure we can endure so many words on the relationship between Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch. And usually we enjoy reading about attractive young white people.

• It's actually not so hard to get in the door at a Fashion Week show, so long as you get bitchy about your birth certificate.

• We weren't the only ones who love, love loved the circus that is The Tyra Banks Show.

• Fabian Basabe suddenly got Asian, which is not the same as suddenly going gay. Some transitions are more subltle, after all.

• If Paris Hilton hand-holds with a man other than her fiance Paris Latsis, does it make a headline? Fortunately that question needn't be answered, since everyone saw Hilton hand-in-hand with her music producer Scott Storch at the MTV VMAs.

• She may have remained calmer than usual at the VMAs, but on her flight back to New York, prison-bound Lil Kim nearly got booted off the plane after arguing with flight attendants over a first-class "mix-up." Though she's gotta stir some shit up before her stay in the clink.

• Lindsay Lohan got reigned in by mama Dina, who forced her skinny offspring to stay put until the storm passed before getting on a plane for the VMAs.

• Brad Pitt and George Clooney's Las Vegas hotel gimmick, which has been talked about for years, continues to make the gossip rounds. Now they've picked up Rande Gerber of Whiskey lounge fame — and they might finally start construction in January. That doesn't mean it's January '06, however.

• Teen People is covering new ground: strip clubs. At least that's what Chad Michael Murray chose to chat about, re: his adult outing that wife and co-star Sophia Bush supposedly knew about.

• Jenny McCarthy's divorce from John Asher isn't just affecting her personal life, but also her business decisions. The light-hearted jokes in her tying the knot manual Marriage Laughs, which just got picked up for $1 million, don't sound so funny anymore.