• Heidi Klum shares the heartwarming story of how she fell in love at first sight…with Seal's tightly spandexed package. Awww, that totally explains why their lovenest is plastered with naked family portraits!

• In light of their new movie's disastrous box office showing, Reese and Jake are officially back "together."

• Steve Martin is writing a book for children. Also of note: "Children" is Martin's all-inclusive word for non-New Yorker subscribers.

• Larry Craig is reportedly using campaign donations to foot his legal bills. Naturally, constituents are outraged! But mainly over the whole "closeted gay" thing.

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• Jennifer Aniston is ready to meet with Brangelina and clear the air, just as soon as "clear the air" becomes synonymous with "scratching Angelina Jolie's eyes out."

• Page Six shockingly reveals that Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love's lovechild came into the world in the same way that she was conceived: amidst complete and total lunacy, and accompanied by massive amounts of heroin.

• Justin Timberlake promises not to suck in concert; refuses to make similar promise about his acting performance in Alpha Dog.

• Snag a cool, new style secret from ultra-glam couple Heidi Klum and Seal…and start adorning your lovemaking pad with giant, naked photos of yourself and your lover!

• If only Nicole Brown Simpson were alive today, she'd swear O.J. never laid a finger on her. Ironically, however, she's dead.

• Although Anne Hathaway's character does get to bone Adrian Grenier in the movie The Devil Wears Prada, in real life, working for Anna Wintour really, truly sucks.

• Michael Richards is really, really sorry, y'all. Especially to those black people someone keeps making.

• Just when you thought Britney Spears was headed in the right direction with her comeback, she extends her stay on the Paris Hilton train wreck.

• Painful, but true. That's Chad Lowe's thoughts on Hilary Swank revealing in Vanity Fair that her now ex-husband has a little substance problem.

• Nas' ex Carmen Bryan has a new book out, ripe with claims of physical abuse. A sure-fire bookstore seller, no doubt.

• Heidi Klum and Seal welcome a baby boy, planning the event around the Thanksgiving holiday so there's be a fraction of a chance the celeb press might leave them alone.

• Maybe we're too picky, but "Fat Joe potato salad?" Sounds worse than eating freckled fire crotch. [HipHopGame]

• First Bob Dylan, now Dee Snyder? Satellite radio djs are all going to be washed up musicians. [NYDN]

• Kevin Aviance is back with a vengeance, and a fabulous new get-up, just in time for the parade. Watch out for an upcoming gangsta rap album. [Page Six]

• Just so we're clear, Slash still hates Axl Rose as much as we do. [MTV]

• With all these court payments on tap, Seal may have to ask Heidi Klum to cash in that insurance bond on her legs. [Jam!]

• Freeloader Kevin Federline finally found his purpose in life: to save the freakin' penny. [Scoop]

• Yeah, we can imagine how a 6 foot blonde bombshell would have a little trouble keeping a low profile in Jeruselum. [Page Six]

• Nicole Kidman's rep says she isn't pregnant, because she's so religious. She also has burning photos of Angelina Jolie all over the house.. [R&M]

• Heidi Klum and Seal are having another baby. We just love watching her balloon into prego state and then go back to a size 0 four days after popping out her kid. [Us Weekly]

• She said it once and she'll say it again — Keira Knightley prefers to do it with British guys who can say her name right. [People]

• It's time to disembark from hating on Gwenyth Paltrow for naming her daughter Apple — we've got bigger issues with Heidi Klum and Seal's naming abilities for their new son: Henry Guenther Ademola Dashtu Samuel. Somebody's going to have an ego complex.

• Somehow Sir Richard Branson think he's the one to de-snob the wine industry. This, coming from a man who balloons around the world for recreation.

• Victoria Gotti crashed the homecoming party of just-released Julius Nasso, who used to work for her father John. He's been trying to steer clear of his mob ties, but Victoria's on the hunt for anything that'll land her some press.

• Fashion editors didn't feel so worthy at Yigal Azrouel's fashion show on Saturday, thanks to clueless door minders who only recognized the socialites to let through the door but not the industry scribes.

• Even its executives grow exhausted from Richie Rich and Traver Rains. Top Heatherette exec Elissa Bromer ditched after six months on the job (and just days before their Bryant Park show), though rep Aimee Phillips says that's merely how long she was signed for.

• Martha Stewart's Martha debut faired better than The Tyra Banks Show, with a 2.4 household rating versus Tyra's 1.3. Though we're still going to harp on both.

• Like Milla Jovovich, we just hate it when we grab a size two by mistake.

Heidi Klum went pop! Just as we were recovering from those false Britney Spears birth rumors, we've got Seal's new baby boy to deal with.

Klum unloaded her placenta mess last night at an L.A. hospital and, while her publicist doesn't have much to say, she did ring in the cheerful announcement with this all business, all the time soundbite: "[Heidi will] hopefully be ready for the Emmys."

Yes, that would be this Saturday, where Heidi is nominated for her Project Runway. And we expect her to at least be down to a size zero by then, too.