• A-Rod sends for MRI following hamstring injury. When reached for comment, Rodiriguez's wife said, "Huh, that's funny, I thought I kicked him in the balls."

• Meanwhile, Cynthia Rodiriguez's controversial F-bomb shirt spawns retaliation tank top.

• A violin left behind at a subway station was reunited with its owner after would-be burglars were disappointed to discover it wasn't "something cool, like a guitar."

• Mayor Bloomberg has no feelings whatsoever about Bush's unexpected decision to commute Scotoer Libby's prison sentence.

• Second Avenue Deli to be replaced by a Chase Manhattan, angering loyalists who are "skeptical" about the quality of bank's pastrami on rye.

• Annoying Geico lizard to bombard you on your daily commute; no longer content with merely diminishing your enjoyment of Deal or No Deal.

• Scientists warn 2007 could be "hottest year ever," no thanks to Star Jones.

• Bronx Named No. 1 in "traffic nightmares." A defiant Staten Island responds, "Hey, our ferry is pretty shitty, too."

• Rudy Giuliani determined to find out who stole his giant list of political weaknesses; Hillary Clinton claims she was "at home, reading" at the time.

• Second Avenue Deli may relocate to Third Avenue; entire universe to threatens explode from weight of said paradox.

Piece by piece, our East Village dreams are being torn apart.

For awhile we though there might be some CBGB-esque plight to save our kosher knoshery, but we waited in vain. The Second Avenue Deli was a landmark, a legend, and the only place anyone would throw down $20 for a turkey club. We can't believe it's really, actually, officially kaputz.

With so many memories, a little piece of us is going with our old nabe restaurant. We will always smile when we think of the homeless host and the nice Jewish NYU boys who used to take us there for lunch … and then go dutch.

Second Avenue Kosher Delicatessen (1954-2006) [Eater]
Earlier: Landlords try to out-Jew the 2nd Ave Deli

After a week filled with the highs of Lindsay Lohan's error proof testing, and the lows of the media's error filled reporting, we had planned on spending Saturday afternoon on Second Avenue, stuffing our heeb faces with kosher deli sandwiches, coffee, and deli pickles.

Then we hear that our beloved Second Avenue Deli is totally dunzo. We were really upset. But you know what? Al Goldstein, the ex-pornographer who was given a job as a greeter, and then fired for living in the basement, was super bummed.

"I have not eaten so well since I lived with my mom," said Mr. Goldstein…a noted gourmand until a recent stomach-stapling operation, [he] declared the deli's shuttering "almost as sad as the closing of Chock Full O' Nuts."

Yeah, Chock Full O' Nuts was a real neigbhorhood staple. Even though it smells and tastes like ass, and wasn't founded by a Holocaust survivor who fed the (fat, porno making) homeless until he was murdered in broad daylight. You know, we're not sure if the nut stand actually really closed because we live in Brooklyn, but … yeah, Chock Full O' Nuts closing was totally worse.

As long as they don't close au bon pain, though. Because there would be nowhere left to eat in the East Village.

Hold the Mustard, Maybe Forever [Andy Newman, NYT]