With all the phonies out there (as Holden would say), how can you ever make sure if the person you're talking to on the 'net is really who they claim to be? Sure, sure, that's why we have awesome shows like To Catch a Predator, and now video gchat (holla!), but when it comes to celebrities, it's best just to assume the worst: that your I_Am_Paris superfan on MySpace is actually a 45-year old guy named Norbert from Wisconsin.
But once in awhile you get a legit celebrity, trying to take back their good name on the blogosphere, will actually come out and confirm their identity with a phone call to a reporter.
Which is how we now know that Shaquille O'Neil is now an avid Twitter-er.
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Around Jossip HQ, we've been having an informal debate about what will be this year's Song of the Summer. For the past two years, Rihanna has (wo)manned the throne; in 2006, it was "S.O.S.," and in 2007, she had "Umbrella." We kinda liked N.E.R.D.'s "My Drive Thru," though we're concerned about its staying power. And then arrives this video: Shaq's insta-classic Kobe Bryant rant, "Tell Me How My Ass Tastes," remixed. A worthy contender if there ever was one.
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal grab breakfast together, presumably after a long night of passionate lovemaking.
• Paris Hilton sues Hallmark for using her face to sell "Happy One Night Stand" cards.
• Now we finally know why Christina Ricci is so nocturnal.
• Is everyone else sick of admiring Elizabeth Hurley's cleavage? Apparently not.
• Shaquille O'Neal's wife wants half of everything her hubby owns, right down to his giant collection of size 24 Reebok sneakers and the $10 royalties from Kazaam.
• Michelle Rodriguez's version of heaven involves rubbing her face in a bunch of strangers' boobs. [Socialite's Life]
• You know United 93 sucks when Robin Williams' most overly promoted family fun movie beats its ticket sales. [AP]
• Meryl Streep, Cher, did you two know you were Lloyd Grove's heroes? [Lowdown]
• You knew it was coming, you knew it would have a skull … and you know you're going to read it in the privacy of your own upstate castle. [FBNY]
• Shaquille O'Neal's wife, luckily, delivers a very normal sized baby. [People]
• The judge in Britney Spears' sex tape case against Us Weekly has delayed ruling. He wants to see the friggin' tape y'all. [MSNBC]
• Kate Moss Pete Doherty update: on again. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie is the celeb most lesbians lust after. Duh. [The Sun]
• Broken Dreamworks result in the sale of Paramount's library. [Defamer]
• We feel so bad for Shaquille O'Neal's wife. Thank god it's a baby girl. [People]
Oh, the wonder of the Super Bowl ads. We wait in anticipation for the funny frogs and crazy Clydesdales to make us laugh, or simply encourage us to drink more beer. This year, however, the funniest ads were for ABC's upcoming sitcom Sons and Daughters. (When a little girl on TV says "we're going to hell because we're Jews, you can't help but spit out a few flecks of nacho chip.)
There were a few people paying attention to the real (boring) ads this year, though. Stuart Elliott at the New York Times "gives kudos to" the SB ads, which he found "were outnumbered by spots reaching for a higher form of hilarity or trying to tug at the heartstrings." A different tune than Bob Garfield at Ad Age is whistling, as he claims this year's spots mark the end of modern civilization.
As for us, we were too distracted by the thought of Mick Jagger's face sliding off to notice most of the second half commercials, but the Kermit the Frog Ad wasn't so bad. And of course, the my-so-called life in a shampoo bottle made us all want to go hug Nicole Richie and give her some Dove soap.
That Burger King ad pretty much freaked everybody out, as did the Gillette Five Blade razor, simply because it seems like shaving your face with a lawnmower might be safer. In the end, ABC's ads for its own shows were the definite winners.
Shaquille O'Neal turning over his shoulder, one tear streaming down his face, going "I can't believe Gabby lost her baby," was so much more hilarious than that stupid streaking sheep.
BOB GARFIELD REVIEWS THE SUPER BOWL ADS [Bob Garfield, Ad Age]
Lifting Super Bowl Ads Above the Lowbrow Level [Stuart Elliott, New York Times]
• W Hotels is snubbing Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony from its Fashion Week party after last year's infamous "fuck you" doodle incident.
• Nicky Hilton is agreeing to hold court as a bridesmaid for both sissy Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride — except for that one time in Vegas when we were really wasted and were lucky enough to get it annulled.
• Ocean Drive's VMA party wasn't just home to Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's brooding — it was also the scene of Shaquille O'Neal's beating up a fellow party-goer. Though he didn't react with Russell Crowe's pinache. Instead, he took off for for Louisiana to escape Hurricane Katrina.
• Tyson Beckford is done with modeling, thanks to Diddy's Sean John line. He announced yesterday he was quitting the biz of cashing in on good looks thanks to Sean Comb's complete lack of fashion know-how. That'll go nicely with his breach of contract and trademark infringement lawsuit.
• B-List celebrities are clamoring to get spots on the Hurricane Katrina benefit circuit, because being seen is being seen, right?
• Whether you think it was the gays, the terrorists or the gay terrorists responsible for Hurricane Katrina, our money is on abortion rights advocates.
• While Courtney Love spends time at her new rehab home, her New York landlord is trying to kick her out of her SoHo loft (in the building Lenny Kravitz once inhabited). Mercury Capital says she hasn't made a mortgage payment since June, which is understandable considering her habit.
• Now that Ashton Kutcher has stepped aside to impregnate Demi Moore, it's Wilmer Valderrama's moment to shine — as a C-list It Boy.
