Vanity Fair isn't the only brand that should be above the fluff of social networks but is instead begging to plant a footprint there. Luxury retailer Cartier, whose watches are so feverishly produced in various knockoff varieties, is joining the fray with a MySpace page. This is apparently newsworthy because upscale brands like Cartier are supposedly reluctant to give up complete control of their brand, so the Richemont brand's embracing of Web 2.0 represents some sort of sea change. Except not really.

The Cartier page on MySpace looks like any other souped-up profile: custom background, streaming music, list of friends (3,800 total, some of them celebrities). The only thing that's really different is that Cartier, like many other brands hoping to connect to MySpace's young audience, must pay a fee to the social network to have an official page. And what do they get in return? A promise from MySpace's censors that anything appearing on the page "respects the brand’s objectives," which means if you're shown performing a keg stand in your profile picture, your friend request will likely be declined — which is a telling sign that it's MySpace, and not Cartier, who's dictating what the watch and jewelry company's profile page looks like. It's the sweet smell of outsourced luxury.

Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook has officially conquered the U.S. market on vampire throwing and drunk status updating, but what about abroad? What are intoxicated German teens supposed to do? And oppressed Chinese youngsters? Actually, they have their own Facebooks. Except they aren't international spin-offs — they're unsanctioned clones. And they've got lots of cash. Chinese Facebook clone Xiaonei got $430 million in funding earlier this year, and last year Germany's StudiVZ was bought for $120 million. Zuckerberg's unit, of course, sees none of this. And he's challenging them to a game of Scrabulous. [SIA]

MySpace is said to be shopping around its public relations account to tech-focused agencies. Mainly, the social networking site would like to stop being referred to as "over." [PR Week]

The New York Times, always striving to do something to impress the geeks, is getting itself into the business of social networking. Their little toy is called TimesPeople (no space!), and it'll let you do things you're already familiar doing, such as saving articles to your TimesFiles, commenting on stories, and emailing their most ridiculous trend pieces to friends (and Jossip editors). But now you'll be able to share your favorite items with your friends. The final product is very Facebook — at least when it comes to the newsfeed you'll begin spitting out as you start recommending stories to your friends — and, thanks to the millions of user accounts it already has, will immediately become one of the Internet's largest social networks. Unlike Facebook, however, you will not be able to throw vampires or sheep at the Thursday Styles section.

When somebody attaches the name of a social networking website and the word "suicide," we think of that tragedy in Missouri where 13-year-old Megan killed herself after a being taunted on MySpace. For the irreverent magazine AdBusters, "Facebook Suicide" is something else entirely. Based on the site's maniacal policy about removing one's profile, AdBusters has spotted a trend where users, desperate to leave the site but unable to easily do so, are killing themselves.

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Manhattan Media, owner of esteemed publications including the New York Press, Avenue, and Our Town, has purchased 02138, the Harvard alumni magazine that was all the rage this time last year, from The Atlantic's parent Atlantic Media. [NYT] Not only are they boosting the number of issues from four to six (that's quarterly to bi-monthly, to those keeping score at home), but there are grand plans to launch a website and start a social network around the Ivy Leavue school.

Um, yeah. It's called Facebook.

In an effort to placate parents who watch Dateline: To Catch a Predator and privacy advocates whose No. 1 goal in life is to make the Internet safe for kids to upload photos of their puppies, Facebook is implementing new privacy safeguards for minors.

None of which can't be completely fudged, of course.

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So we've got social networking sites for tweens, professionals, college grads, Starbucks drinkers, and dog lovers. Why not the dead?

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Are you a JetBlue crew member who just joined the airline's brand new internal social network? We'd like to hear from you!

What are crew members posting on each others walls? Do they care that passengers will lose out on free headsets beginning in June? That rising fuel prices are forcing the airline to cut flights? Is the biscotti or the Terra Blue chips the workforce favorite? Oh — and do you frickin' hate having to say "Happy Jetting"?

Eats.com is a new social network for foodies centered around their irrational devotion to restaurant openings and buzz. You'll be shocked to find out it is not a social network backed by the fast food industry. Or Jenny Craig. [Tour, Eats.com]

Have you heard? Social media isn't a fad! In a study sponsored by Nielsen-killing-hopeful TNS, more than 50 percent of "senior marketing executives agree that the use of social media for corporate, brand and product marketing" is here to stay because it's tres important. "Poking" friends is productive! Which is all well and good, but before you begin dumping a few million dollars (or several hundred, in the case of Microsoft and Facebook), just 18 percent of those surveyed thought social media would increase brand loyalty. So heads up to Sprint, where some 638,000 customers are defecting: Don't bother with Facebook ads. [MP]

Great news everyone! Sick of just connecting with your friends on MySpace, Facebook and Friendster? Tired of just relying on LinkedIn to keep up with your business acquaintances? Do you want more websites to distract you from your trivial job and meaningless responsiblities?

Well, we have just the ticket for you. And by ticket, we mean web portal. The Biz:

LOS ANGELES – Variety, the world's premier source of entertainment news, in association with Jobster, today announces the launch of "The Biz" the first social networking site for entertainment professionals and enthusiasts in the U.S.

"The Biz" serves as an online meeting space for media and entertainment professionals to network, pitch products, exchange ideas, and search for jobs among peers and industry experts. The site also offers a vehicle for employers to recruit new talent and target candidates by specific interests, skills and experience, on Variety's platform which is the top destination for entertainment news and information.

Because you know what? If you have time to join another social networking site, you're clearly qualified for a top job in the entertainment industry, courtesy of Variety "the world's premier source of entertainment news."

Thanks Biz, you're my top friendster.

Maybe we were too hard on our Douches in the Mist. For all their lameness, at least they were creative enough to describe their creepy values in their own words.

This isn’t the case with many online daters and social networkers. "About Me" identity theft is a rampant problem on sites like Match.com, Jdate and MySpace.

A recent survey found that 9 percent of online daters copy information from other members’ profiles and 15 percent suspect their cyber personas have been lifted by uncreative users.

Our initial reaction to this news was, “How lame.” And no doubt it is lame, if not slightly pathetic, that the physically unappealing aren’t clever enough to make themselves appear emotionally appealing online.

Not to brag, but we’ve had strangers on Facebook compliment us on our profile writing skills. Of course, these people were mostly looking for a casual encounter and didn’t like Craigslist's interface as much as Facebook’s, but we digress.

The point is, if you’re reading this, you’re probably a little bit creative. And in this Web 2.0 era, creativity is the ultimate cultural capital. But just like we have no idea how to split a check, there are some people who couldn’t think of a fun pun to save their lives. And a world without pun is a very sad world indeed.

You know when you watch the BBC, how you always feel smart because of those accents and when you dick around on MySpace, you always feel stupid because the layout was designed by a six year-old?

Well, prepare to feel smart and stupid at the same time, because the BBC has made a sharing arrangement with RupertBook. The BBC will make some of its content available on MySpaceTV, which is the second most popular video site after YouTube.

This is great. Now sex predators can meet teens and learn about international relations all in one easy portal.

MySpace agreed to work with attorney generals of 49 states to improve measures to protect children from sexual predators. The site will create a task force to find effective ways to verify ages of its users. Hopefully these measures will include ways to stop over-zealous moms from encouraging teen suicide.

In the meantime, a couple in Queens was arrested for raping teenage girls they met through the site.

Facebook may invade your privacy, but at least it doesn’t invade your nether regions.