• Either Nicole Richie hit the Olive Garden for the Never-Ending Pasta Bowl, or else she's carrying around a tiny, malnutritioned bundle of joy.

• Anyone else excited for cartoon Paris Hilton? No? How about bored out of your minds?

• Kelly Clarkson cancels her upcoming tour, delivering a devastating blow to tasteless mainstream music fans across the nation.

• Meanwhile, in other surprising news, Ben Affleck is officially attractive again.

• You know the airline industry is in serious financial trouble when America Airlines hires The Steve Harvey Show as their official sponsor.