Remember back in August, when the biggest problem was trying to figure out who the nominees were going to pick as their running mates? Before all the stocks tanked and the banks failed and the phrase "worst _____ in American history" started getting thrown around a lot?

Yeah, good times.

Well, just because September was a shitshow, and October's been nothing but the fallout from that (Newspapers! Gone! Magazines! Kaput! Carsclothesfood! Everything is not great!), we can now look forward into November, what with election coming up in four days and all. No more postings of 3rd quarter losses: Now they'll be fourth quarter projections!

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Stocks tanked today for the second biggest one-day loss after that 900 point rally earlier this week. We're going ahead and blaming it on Madonna.

All this financial hoo-ha and death of print media is depressing, sure. Kind of makes you wish you could crawl back under your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles covers and take out your Ecto Cooler juice box and hide until the Dow Jones magically soars up 400 points (too late).

Or, if you are anything like me, you spent this week distracting yourself with politically-themed musicals and reminiscing about the days you used to stand in line for Rent rush tickets. Hopefully everyone saw the Les MisBarack video, correct? So good.

But if you are still feeling down, here's The Daily Show's take on Streisand from Wednesday:

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Say goodbye to the salad days: Come Monday morning, Kraft Foods will replace AIG in the Dow Jones Industrial Average, that group of the top 30 largest/most widely held public companies that gauge the industrial sector of America's stock markets.

AIG, if you remember from this dark, dismal week, just received an $85 billion dollar bailout loan from Uncle Sam after stocks dropped 83% in three session. That's like, one billion dollars per percent, right? Jesus, we're all screwed.

Moving on, since nobody knows exactly what the Dow Average is, let's take a look at some of the other top 30 contenders that might soon be falling off the list:

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Finance magazines, like any other glossy fighting for your attention on the newsstand, know the power of listicles. Throw digits on the cover and travelers rushing through the airport and moms browsing through Barnes & Noble are more likely to pick up your rag. Which explains why, in December, Fortune gave you a list of 10 stocks they thought were sure bets to increase the value of your portfolio in 2008.

Sure, we're only four months in, by how is Andy Serwer's team measuring up so far?

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