From the Dept. of Studies We Don't Need comes one revealing that television advertising can lead to childhood obesity! When Justin Timberlake endorses McDonald's and Michael Phelps endorses Frosted Flakes, kids these days take that to mean they should be shoveling these foods down their double-chinned little faces. The research suggests — and research always suggests — the more unhealthy TV ads a child sees, the more likely he will develop weight issues. So what's the solution? We could either get kids off the couch and into the backyard with a jump rope, or pray for an economic collapse that forces the world's biggest companies to cut back on marketing campaigns. Whew, there is a god.

A new study confirms the common wisdom media buyers already agree on: By attaching a brand to a well-liked television show, viewers will also begin to associate positive thoughts with the brand; shows they can't stand, well, you get the idea. This phenomenon is called "brand rub," and it is good news for BMW as its sponsors the second season premiere of Mad Men, and bad news for any product ever mentioned adjacent to The Real World.

If you're a publicist or marketing trying to get your message to America's youth, what would be your best course of action: Surreptitiously edit a Wikipedia page about whatever you're pushing; book an expert to trump up your brand on a radio show; spam an online forum; get the kids talking about your gimmick on Facebook; or hound a business magazine editor until she agrees to plug you in a write up. According to "Edelman Trust Barometer 2008," an annual survey about trust, the youth demo is more likely to believe anything they see in that last option: business magazines. But if you don't have the connections to score a half-page in one of those rags, at least breathe easier knowing your official press release is still seen as more trustworthy than anything on YouTube.

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There are some things in life that simply do not need to be "studied," because when the research is finished and the analysis is performed, you will end up with a lengthy report explaining, in excruciating detail, a generally accepted norm that you already knew existed. Phenomenon like this include: 1) Increased motorcycle sales will increase the number of motorcycle deaths; Combining Valium, Cialias, Vicodin, and Klonopin could put your health in serious danger; and 3) That the sports departments at newspapers are mostly made up of white guys.

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According to a study performed by AdAge, "In a survey of 907 people, 37% said they believe it is somewhat or very likely [the National Basketball Associated] rigs its games, and the number jumps to 41% among fans who describe themselves as "casual" or "avid" followers of professional basketball." And that's before the FBI investigation of referee Timothy Donaghy, who was accused of passing along inside information to gamblers. [NYS]

So much for youth being able to multi-task and be more efficient. Studying "news consumption patterns of young adults between the ages of 18 and 34 in Britain, India and the United States," the Associated Press found that young people "experienced news fatigue, meaning they were overloaded with facts and updates and had trouble connecting to more in-depth stories. Participants yearned for quality and in-depth reporting, but had difficulty immediately accessing such content. This experience was common across participants’ race, gender and geographic location. Additionally, the anthropologists noted that the news habits of the young consumers were dramatically different from those of previous generations." Perhaps because they're being conditioned to treat their Facebook News Feed like the New York Times.

Does every alcohol company need to commission a study that says men don't want to see the Sex and the City movie? Or rather: Does every alcohol company need to latch on to the Sex hype by promoting some shameless "study" that concludes men would rather be, uh, drinking booze than watching Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha on the big screen?

Earlier today, Moosehead Breweries found 36 percent of men "will be drinking beer while watching the hockey playoffs on the night of the premiere."

Now comes a report from Canadian Club Whisky – "the liquor of choice for masculine, sophisticated and unpretentious men everywhere" – that claims "41 percent of men [said] they would not be caught dead in the theater on May 30th." Bet that percentage would go up if they could bring some Canadian Club inside the theatres, eh buddies?

N.B. Absolut, which benefited so much from Smith Jerrod's fictional "Absolut Hunk" ad used in the show, didn't bother trying to find out whether men didn't want to see the movie.

"As millions of women anticipate the reunion of their beloved Sex and The City foursome, men in contrast plan to say 'pass' on the May 30th premiere. According to a survey, commissioned by Moosehead Breweries of 500 representative men, only four percent (voluntarily or not) plan to attend the movie's premiere. Of those surveyed men, the majority (36%) will be drinking beer while watching the hockey playoffs on the night of the premiere. Twenty-eight percent plan to walk the dog and 12 percent will reaffirm their masculinity by pumping iron at the gym." [PRN]

And with that, we bring you the madness outside the premiere at Radio City Music Hall, where some 2,000 ticket holders were stuck outside without seats.

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"The Magazine Publishers of America is set to release a new study showing that including URLs in magazine ads drives readers to advertiser Web sites. The analysis of 833 print ads in seven magazines, performed by VISTA's print effectiveness rating service, showed that ads with Web addresses were up to three times as likely to drive readers to a Web site." [MP]

And there you have it: Telling readers how to find you online increases their chances of finding you online.

DEPT. OF THE OBVIOUS "More than half of all spring-break revelers lied to a parent about what went on during their drug-fueled, sex-crazed holiday, according to a survey." [NYP]

Are newspapers wasting precious cash employing bloggers? Of some 360 newspapers studied by Ball State University, 42 of which produced blogs, a singular conclusions was drawn: "While much has been written about blogs' potential to save democracy and revive journalism, this picture of newspapers' blog posts does little to support that notion."

That is: Blogs have failed us!

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This just in: The internet is no longer just for geeks and pedophiles!*

Four out of five U.S. adults go online now, according to a new poll. The survey, which polled 2,062 adults in July and October, found that 79 percent of adults — about 178 million — go online, spending an average 11 hours a week on the Internet

Which, roughly translated, means virtually everyone has gone virtual! Well, except for that remaining twenty percent, a stubborn minority holdout group comprised primarily of Luddites, technophobes and people whose children have squandered their Ivy League educations to make a sub-par living writing about media (and celebrity) gossip.

*Cruel Intentions, anyone?

Hey, ladies! Think you're alone in your crazy body issues? Turns out, your boyfriend might understand more than you think. In fact, according to the omniscient gays over at Queerty, there's an excellent chance he's bulimic!

Earlier this year, Harvard researchers released the results of the first major nationwide mental health survey to include eating disorders. It found that men accounted for 25 percent of anorexia and bulimia cases and a full 40 percent of binge eaters.

Jeez. And here we thought manorexia was just a small-scale phenomenon that only affected people named "Carson Daly."

We're totally loving The Gospel Channel's ad campaign (shown here as a series of screenshots from its animated banner), currently running on media industry sites like AdAge.com, which touts the results of the Jack Myers' Emotional Connection study. We're not quite sure how the research is conducted and analyzed, but a package of the results – heretofore known as "the right to slap a boastful superlative on your brand" – can cost around $30,000, so we're guessing it's methodical. And/or flawed.

Either way, kudos to The Gospel Channel for earning the honor for the second year in a row. Even though we don't know where to find it between MTV Jams and Discovery HD, we're sure those who do enjoy tuning in are many crucifixes more emotionally connected than they are to, say, Fox News.

"One-third of men didn't bother to wash after using the bathroom, compared with 12 percent of women, said the researchers who spy on people in public restrooms."

Wait, so you're saying there are scientists out their who make their living spying on people in public restrooms? Gross!

Meanwhile, that whole business about men not washing their hands is really nothing new. [CNN]

According to the Parenting Group's 24/7 MomConnection study, in a typical week almost 100% of moms have watched TV, been online, listened to the radio or received a direct mail promotion; 91% of moms shopped at a retail store; 88% of moms have read a magazine; and 86% have used a cell phone. And, moms are using emerging media, but not on a regular basis - in a typical week, only 33% have watched video-on-demand, 32% have read a blog, and 17% have listened to an iPod.

In unrelated news, in a typical week, reading the results from studies like these makes us throw our BlackBerrys at our LCD screens 78% of the time.