Hey, Meghan McCain, before going on national television and saying things like "No one knows what war is like other than my family—period," here's some stuff you should have considered.

CONTINUED »

Deep thoughts, by Jack Handey Lydia Hearst: “I don’t smoke, but people say that you get secondhand smoke…But this is a country that was founded mainly on the tobacco industry–tobacco and coffee. It’s so surprising that they are now essentially making cigarettes illegal, when that is where the whole country came from.” Congratulations, Big Tobacco! You just found yourselves a new lobbyist. [Mollygood]

On The View yesterday, new addition Sherri Shepherd (best known for such memorable performances as "Not Knowing Whether Or Not The World Is Flat" and "Showing Us Her O-Face") ventured into a discussion about in-vitro fertilization.

The unexpected result?

Finding out that Shepherd refers to all her frozen embryos as "my little boys" and that she'll never, ever donate them to science (Science to Sherri: "Much obliged!") because "they will stay in that freezer until Jesus comes."

"Is your child slightly chubby and sexually ambiguous?" asks Mollygood. "Then Elle Girl has a wonderful idea for a Halloween costume!"

How? It's easy!

Simply buy the kid a garish blue wig, a Tealuxe coffee cup and a pair of too-tight pants, a giant felt-tipped marker for making astute social commentary, give him a brief tutorial in copyright law and how not to abide by it, and then mock said child relentlessly until he/she overcompensates (for the years of fat jokes and social pariahdom) by slinging unfiltered verbal abuse at celebrities, in effect rejecting them before they can—and inevitably will—reject him first.

Oh, and parents—don't forget the trick-or-treat bucket that's shaped like a laptop! (Portable soul extraction kit sold separately). [ElleGirl]

This tattoo is on Vince Young’s back, just in case anyone confuses him with R. Young.
[SportsWrap BeRecruited]

The Nation's Eric Alterman spends countless hours (and upwards of 550 words) refuting Portfolio blogger (and Radar alumnus) Jeff Bercovici's charge that he's "not stupid."

Yawn.

C'mon you guys, if we wanted to read boring self-important tripe disguised as a media column, we'd be looking at everything Jon Friedman's ever written.

Despite being recently outed as a puppy-killer, a genital herpes carriers and the worst (alleged) pot-smuggler in the world, it seems that NFL star Michael Vick still has his fair share of supporters.

Says New York Knickerbocker (and the self-proclaimed best point guard in the NBA) "I think, you know, we don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors."

And, he's absolutely right!

According to Wikipedia, dog fighting is, in fact a sport. An illegal blood sport, in which two canines "literally bite and rip the flesh off of one another while the onlookers root and place bets."

Cracker Jacks, anyone?

[via Dlisted]